Helping Your Child Navigate Anxiety

The past week has been hard. Our world has changed a lot in a short amount of time. Maybe you are figuring out how to work from home or what you are going to do if you are off of work during this crisis. We know that all of the changes that are happening are stressful for everyone. Most of us are probably experiencing some anxiety. This anxiety isn't exclusive to just parents either. Kids are feeling it too. Even young children who may not know anything about the Covid-19 virus have had their daily routines disrupted. Maybe they are use to regular playdates or visits with grandparents or going to preschool and are not able to do these things right now. Maybe they have heard a little about the virus and are worried about people they love getting sick. Whatever it is your kids may be feeling anxious about what is going on in their world. So let's take a look at ways we can help our children!

Anxiety often shows up as other behaviors in children (and probably adults too!) Here are 8 ways that children can show anxiety:

1. Anger-Anytime we have the perception of danger or stress it triggers our fight, flight or freeze response. Kids might not know how to communicate what they are feeling so they are left feeling angry. 
2. Difficulty sleeping-Kids may start having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. This is a hallmark sign of anxiety.
3. Defiance-Kids often feel anxiety when things feel out of control. It is easy to see their attempts to regain control when they are feeling anxious as defiant behavior. 
4. Chandeliering-Kids who have been holding in their anxiety and worries for so long might lose it and fly of the handle for no apparent reason. Something small or simple is enough to set them off. 
5. Lack of focus-Kids experiencing anxiety might be caught up in their own thoughts and have trouble paying attention.
6. Avoidance-Kids may avoid activities, places or people who cause them to feel anxiety. However this doesn't usually lead to them experiencing less anxiety. 
7. Negativity-Anxiety leads to more negative thoughts than positive thoughts. 
8. Overplanning-Kids may try to regain control over situations that cause them anxiety by overplanning even when minimal planning is necessary. 

Now let's explore some ways to help your child navigate anxiety. 

1. Manage your own anxiety first. Kids can often sense when people around them are experiencing anxiety and this can lead to them experiencing anxiety too. So take care of yourself first. Talk with a friend, exercise, get outside, practice mindfulness. Find what helps you manage your anxiety and do it!
2. It's not about stopping your child's anxiety, it's about helping your child manage it instead. Anxiety, in and of its self, isn't a bad thing. Not being able to manage anxiety is what makes anxiety bad. We want our kids to learn how to manage anxiety so that over time it diminishes.
3. Don't dismiss their feelings. Instead work on validating their feelings. Listen and be empathetic about your child's feelings. The goals is send the message that how they feel is okay and you are there to help them . 
4. Don't ask leading questions. Ask your child open ended questions instead. You might ask, "How do you feel about not going to preschool?" instead of "Are you sad that you can't go to school?"
5. Work on problem-solving with your child. Maybe your child is use to frequent visits with their grandparents and is sad and anxious about not getting to see them. Ask your child for ideas for how they could stay close to their grandparents. Maybe they could send them pictures that they draw, do a video chat or phone call. 
6. Practice mindfulness with your child. Teach your child breathing techniques that they can use to help them feel calm. One easy technique to teach is Smell the Flower, Blow out the Candle. Hold up 5 fingers. Ask your child to smell the flower, then blow out the candle. When they blow lower one finger. Repeat until all five fingers are down. It is important to practice this when your child is calm so they learn that it will make them feel calm. Also, practice blowing out slowly. You want to your child to exhale for longer than they inhale. 
7. Get outside and enjoy nature. Studies have shown that spending time in nature reduces stress. So go for a walk, explore your backyard, or try a scavenger hunt.
8. Do something to help others. Draw pictures and send them to residents at a nursing home. 

All of us at South Washington County Early Learning know that this has past week has been hard and stressful for families. Hopefully you will be able to use some of these tips to help not only your child but yourself as well. And know that we are working hard to find ways to stay connected with families in our program.