The Be Careful Trap

Let me know if this sounds familiar. Your child is climbing high on the playground or maybe riding their trike fast down a hill or any number of other things that leaves you with that sense of dread that what they are doing is dangerous. If you are anything like me, your natural reaction is probably to say, "Be Careful!" This is a normal reaction. After all, it is our job to keep our kids safe. That being said, it is our kids' job to explore and part of that exploration should be engaging in risky play. 

Risky play gives kids a chance to experiment and push themselves despite not knowing what might happen. Play that is too safe can become boring for kids. The element of risk allows kids to test themselves and see what they are comfortable with. 

Beyond that, risky play has been shown to provide many benefits to kids. It helps build self-confidence, resilience, executive function skills and risk management skills. Kids actually get better at measuring how dangerous something is by engaging in risky play. The risk of injury is actually lower for kids who participate in risky play. 

There are six types of risky play that we should allow our children to participate in. 

1. Play at great heights. What does this look like? For a lot of kids this may include climb on monkey bars or up the tallest slide or sliding down the fireman's pole at the playground. Jumping from a high place or climbing trees are also great examples of this type of risky play. Kids get the sensation of losing control and there is the possibility of falling. 
   
2. Play at high speed. Kids engaged in this type of play might ride their bike or trike too fast. They might run as fast as they can down a hill. Swinging fast or enjoying a zip line are other ways of playing at high speeds. Kids experience the risk of crashing into something or someone or falling down. 
3. Playing with dangerous tools. Last summer I was at my best friends house and I watched her kids ages 4 to 10 all play with a piece of wood, hammers and nails. They spent hours hammering nails into a piece of wood. Was there a risk to this? Of course, the kids could have hammered their thumbs or poked themselves with a nail but that didn't stop them from finding endless enjoyment. Using tools is something that kids love and unfortunately they don't get many opportunities to do this. Kids need to concentrate on using the tools to help lessen the risk. 
4. Play near dangerous elements. This type of risky play is probably the hardest for parents to allow. It is easy to see how allowing your child to climb on cliffs or play near water or fire could lead to serious injury. That being said this type of risky play is still vital to children learning how to assess, manage and mitigate risk. 
   
5. Rough and tumble play allows kids the opportunity to distinguish between pretend fight and real fighting. They learn how to manage their strength so as not to hurt another person. Kids might wrestle, sword fight with sticks or pretend to fight one another. 
6. Play where children can disappear or get lost. Kids exploring an unknown area or space with the risk of getting lost. Kids have to focus on finding landmarks to help them find their way in this type of exploration. 
   

Now if you are like me, you probably read through that list of risky play activities and cringed just thinking about your child participating in some of them. If your gut reaction was to say, "No Way!!", that's okay. I am not about to suggest that you allow your toddler to go play by a stream or your preschooler to climb up a tree or your elementary aged child build a fire without your supervision. What I am suggesting is that we as parents find ways to supervise, tolerate and encourage risky play within boundaries. 

So how do we as parents take a step back and allow our children to engage in risky play?

1. Safe as necessary vs. safe as possible. Parents should step in when situations are truly dangerous and allow their child to explore when the level of risk is acceptable. You wouldn't want your child to play on broken playground equipment as that could pose a serious risk. However, allowing your child to balance and walk across a fallen tree is a risk that is manageable for you and your child. 
2. Provide guidance. This might include offering advise like, "Use your strong hands to hold on." or "Do you want to jump by yourself or holding my hand?" This where it is important to avoid saying "Be careful." Offer concrete advise that helps your child navigate the risk. 
3. Keep your own fears from getting in the way. As parents we have a lot of fears, ranging from our kids getting hurt to being kidnapped. These fears as well as other everyday kind of fears like the fear of heights that can get in the way of our children enjoying and benefiting from risky play. As parents we need to managed these fears and recognize that the likelihood of our children being kidnapped or injured is relatively low and we can help mitigate these by teaching them personal safety skills. 
4. Breathe and count to 20. As you watch your child engage in risky play and you get that gut twisting sense of danger, take a breath and count to 20. Allow the situation to unfold and how your child is reacting to it. Kids will often find their own way to limit the danger in a situation without us intervening. 
5. Provide time and space for play. Let's face it. Families are busy. There is school, homework, work and extracurriculars that pack our schedules. Be sure to allow for unstructured time in both yours and your child's schedule. Right now with a lot of scheduled activities on hold, it is the perfect time to get outside and explore without a specific purpose and allow your child to engage in some risky play. 
6. Provide access to loose parts. I mentioned earlier that my friend's kids spent hours pounding nails into a piece of wood. They created this opportunity for their kids by giving each child their own tool box with a small hammer and few other tools, a bucket of old nails and a piece of wood. The kids knew where these items were and set about playing with them all on their own. What sort of loose parts do you have around that your child could enjoy?

So put aside your worry and fear and enjoy some risky play with your child!

Following Your Child's Lead

One of the great things about Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE) is the dedicated time set aside for parents to spend time participating in fun activities with their child. Parent-child interaction time typically allows parents to spend time one-on-one with their child participating in age appropriate activities. Parents and kids love this time together whether they spend it making art projects, playing in the sensory bin, in the play kitchen or so many more activities. One of the tenets of this time is that parents are encouraged to follow their child's lead. So what exactly does this mean? Why is this important? And what does it look like to follow your child's lead?

Simply put, following your child's lead means giving your child the opportunity to lead the interaction whether this through conversation or play. The child chooses what they want to do and the parent joins in the activity the child is doing. It isn't uncommon for children to play with the same toy or activity each time they come to ECFE. Maybe you have noticed that your child likes to play with their trains or dolls or building blocks most of the time at home. This is okay. They aren't missing out by spending their time focused on one activity. The way to make these activities richer for your child is to join in and follow their lead.

Following your child's lead allows you to provide language through the questions and interactions that you have with your child. We can encourage our kids to think more deeply by asking questions and simply talking about what our child is doing. Here are some additional benefits to following your child's lead:

• Children are given an opportunity to build their curiosity when they get to lead. They get to explore how they see fit instead of in a prescribed manner. Parents are given the opportunity to learn about their child's thinking when they follow their child. 
• When children lead, they explore in ways that are meaningful to them. Parent can enrich this exploration by adding words and concepts to their exploration. 
• Leading gives children a chance to practice decision making. They get to decide what to do with a given activity. Parents can encourage turn taking when following their child's lead. 
• Children choose to include or not include our ideas when we follow their lead. Parents are given the opportunity to listen to their child. 
• Children need to communicate more when they are leading. Following your child's lead allows you to learn about your child's interests and have fun together!

One easy way to follow your child's lead is to practice being an OWL. 

Observe your child. Notice what toys, activities and people draw your child's attention. Notice if your child spends more time or works hard at certain activities. Find ways to allow your child to engage in the activities they find most exciting and enjoy the most. Then join in those activities with your child. 

Watch for your child to get interested in an activity. Waiting can be hard but allow your child time to engage or explore before you show them how to do it. Also notice how your child explores. They might use a toy in a new way instead how we might think they should use it. 

Listen to your child through their words and actions. Respond to what your child is doing by copying them or talking about what they are doing or asking questions. Get down at their level to encourage interaction. When your child initiates interaction with you, respond to what they say or do. Stay on topic. 

Following your child's lead is not only beneficial to you and your child, it is fun too! If you would like to learn more about following your child's lead, check out our virtual parent discussion groups here. Discussion groups meet on various days and times. Choose the one that works best for you.