It is very common during the toddler years for young children to develop fears. These fears can carry on through the preschool years and beyond. This time of year, there are many opportunities for young children to be exposed to scary things even if your family doesn't celebrate the upcoming Halloween holiday. Your child might see scary decorations just taking a walk around the neighborhood or during a trip to the store. Considering this, now seems like a good time to explore how young children develop fears and ways parents can help them deal with these fears.
First let's take a look at why young children develop fears.
- Toddlers' memories are improving. They can remember things that have happened in the past. Many years ago, my kids and I watched the movie, Soul Surfer. This movie tells the story of a young surfer who was attacked by a shark. While the movie was inspirational, my son also walked away with a newfound fear of sharks. Every time we went to a lake or the ocean, he would ask if there were sharks. He remembered what happened in the movie and worried it could happen to him. It didn't help that his sisters liked to tease him about fish biting him!
- Toddlers expect the world to be a certain way. When things don't match those expectations, it can be scary. Young children know what a person looks like. We have a face, body, arms, legs, etc. Seeing someone with a mask or costume on can be scary because they don't match your child's expectations and understanding of how the world should be.
- Your child's imagination is growing and growing. This is a really good thing, but it can also lead to the development of fears. Young children are not able to tell the difference between what is real and what isn't. A monster from show they watch can appear in the shadows of their room at bedtime.
- Toddlers are not logical. This means that when we try to explain away their fears with logical explanations they don't understand.
Parents can help their child navigate their fears in a number or ways.
- Sometimes parents are surprised by their child's fear or think the fear is silly. No matter what you think of their fear, reassure your child and let them know they are safe no matter what.
- Label your child's fear. "You saw that monster statue and it scared you."
- Find ways to empower your child with tools to help them. If you child is afraid of the dark, let your child choose if they want a nightlight left on or the door opened with a light on in the hallway.
- Prepare your child ahead of time if you know they might encounter something scary. Role play going to the doctor. Take turns being the doctor and the patient. Talk about what will happen at the doctor's office through this role play.
Here are some things to avoid when helping your child navigate their fears.
- Try not to laugh at your child's fear, even if you think it is silly.
- Avoid telling your child not to be afraid or that something isn't scary. It is scary to them even if we don't think it is scary.
- It can be tempting to force our children to be brave when they are afraid. Take baby steps to help them overcome their fear. If they are afraid of dogs, try asking your child if they would like to wave at the dog or pet the dog while you hold them.
Childhood fears are very real and can be difficult to navigate. Just remember, you are your child's safe place. They need to be able to lean on you when they are feeling afraid.
