Burnout is Real

I am going to be really honest here. I am stressed. The past month and half at my house has been crazy busy. My kids have returned to school which means adjusting to a new schedule and the return of homework. The start of school also means I am back at work. My husband, who travels for work, has been gone a lot. The fall sports schedule is underway. All this combines to lead to one stressed and overwhelmed mama. 

The thing is I know I am not alone. Parents of kids of all ages feel stressed and overwhelmed. They also don't feel supported. Motherly found in their 2019 State of Motherhood Survey that "51% of moms feel discouraged when it comes to managing the stress of work and motherhood. About one-third of moms said that their mental and physical health is suffering. And 85% of moms said that our society does not do a good job of supporting mothers." 

All I can think is...Eighty-five percent! There is something wrong when 85% of mothers don't feel supported by our society. And I know it is isn't just moms. Dads feel overwhelmed and stressed too. 

So what can we do about this? First, we as parents need to reach out for support. One great place to find this for parents of young children is Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE). ECFE is a parent education program but just as important is the support and connection that we help facilitate between parents. Come join us for a class!

Let's also strive to create a supportive community to surround all parents. When you see a parent of a toddler in the throws of a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store aisle, give that parent a smile. Let them know you have been there. Tell them they've got this. Do you know a parent of a new baby? Maybe make an double batch of dinner and bring the extra over to share. Volunteer to come over and watch your friend's kid so they can take an uninterrupted nap.

Also, let's get real on social media. We need to stop comparing our lives and/or kids to what other people are posting. Recognize that the perfect family picture that someone posts probably took at least a dozen not so perfect attempts. More than like at least one kid cried and one parent yelled! Maybe we can take it a step further. Maybe we could post one or two pictures or stories where we show what real life is like!

And if you are like me, feeling stressed and overwhelmed by trying to balance all of it, don't be afraid to ask for help. I know this is hard but we have to be willing to be vulnerable. We have to be willing to say we aren't perfect and we don't have it all together. If we take this step, and maybe even ask for help, other parents maybe inspired to do the same. 

The Last First Day

The first day of school is here! Maybe you sent your kiddo off to their first day of kindergarten this week. Some of you may be gearing up for the first day of preschool or ECFE next week. Either way, the first day of school often comes with mixed emotions for kids and parents. Many of you may be wondering how your baby can possibly be going into preschool, kindergarten or maybe the last year of elementary school. Maybe, just maybe, there are a few of you out there who are in the same boat as me. This week I sent my oldest baby off to her last first day of school. That's right, somehow she is already a Senior in high school and I am left wondering where the time has gone.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about where the time has gone. And I keep returning to the old adage, "the days are long but the years are short." I know, I know. You've heard this before but when you are in the trenches with your baby or toddler or preschooler you might feel like this stage will never end. But I am here to tell you it will. And more importantly you will miss things from each stage.

Looking back to when my daughter was a 10 month old baby who still woke up 3 times a night and would only go back to sleep if I nursed her, I can remember thinking that I would never sleep through the night again. Eventually, she stopped needing to nurse and learned to fall back to sleep on her own. And even though I was so grateful for the uninterrupted sleep, I missed those quiet moments in the middle of the night when I would snuggle her close in the rocking chair. There was nothing quite as wonderful as those moments when she would fall asleep, sigh and smile contentedly. And even though I was exhausted, I would often sit for just a few extra minutes watching my baby sleep.

Or when she was a preschooler and no one and I mean no one but me understood her when she talked. She happened to have a pretty severe speech articulation delay. We wanted nothing more than for her to be able to speak clearly. After a few months of speech therapy, the missing sounds started to develop and suddenly more and more people could understand her. This was great for her and us. And yet, I missed hearing her say "Taby" or thank you in her language.

I even miss things from the terrible year when she was twelve. Ugh! Twelve was rough. I wasn't sure I was going to survive twelve but I did and she did too. Twelve was the year where she was still a little girl in a lot of ways but she was also fighting to become more independent, more grown up. I miss those moments when she showed her "little girl" like when she still wanted to be read to or tucked into bed or have her dad sing her her song.

This week I hugged my girl and sent her off to the first of many lasts that will happen this year. I celebrated the start of this new milestone and all the exciting things that are yet to come. I also let myself cry, just a little because I know I will miss so many things when she is off to college next year.

So just remember, "the days are long but the years are short." Know that each new stage will bring with it new challenges and things to celebrate but one thing will hold true. You will miss things, things you never thought you would miss, from each stage. So pause and enjoy the stage you are in. Don't wish it away, even the hard parts.