to this:
I have learned a lot of things over the past 16 years. For instance:
- I have learned that when you say, "You have to eat some of your hot dog before you have more strawberries," you sound really dumb.
- I have learned that if you say it, you have to follow through, i.e., "if you keep acting like this we aren't going to the park". (Immediately after saying this, I realized I am now trapped in the house with three cranky kids by myself!)
- I have learned that you make rules you never think you will need to have. When my kids were in their nudist stage, we had a rule about needing to wear underpants at the table.
The most important thing I have learned is that parenting is an exercise in letting go. As a parent, you let go of many things. You learn to pick your battles and not sweat the small things. It was for this very reason that my daughter wore pick cowboy boots with EVERYTHING for almost the entire third year of her life! You let go of having a tidy house. Wait...maybe that was just me, but I don't think I am the only one who had rooms that were overrun with kid paraphernalia! You let go of sleep...Sleep, what is that?
But the hardest thing to let go of is your kids. Parenting is the gradual process of watching your child, your baby, grow, learn and become their own person. It started small with my baby crawling and then walking. Her circle expanded. She explored new places and things without relying completely on me. Suddenly, she wasn't a baby but was a toddler and then a preschooler heading off to her first day of school. Then came the day when I had to ask to hold her hand walking into the building for her first day of kindergarten. That little girl walked into the school like she owned the place. All along the way, I watched her turn into her own person. I worked hard to find a balance between supporting, letting her go, and being there to catch her when she fell. And now I am faced with the next big step in letting go. Next week, I will be handing her the keys to the car and watching her drive away from me by herself! She's ready and I think I am ready too. It will be hard but it will also be something I celebrate.
For the mommies and daddies in the midst of the early stages of letting go, my message is this: It is hard but it is so rewarding. Remember you are laying the groundwork now for when they are older and more independent. Give them opportunities to try things on their own and then celebrate it when they do it. Give them lots of practice making little decisions, like what color cup they want or if they want apple or banana for snack. Let them fail. I know it is hard to watch them fail, but failure is just an opportunity to learn. Be their safe place to fall, their port in the storm. Stay calm, when they aren't and show them lots of empathy. And remember to cherish these moments with your little one!
