Don't Miss Your Connection!

It has been said and said again and again but 2020 has been a hard year! Families, parents, really everyone, is overwhelmed by working from home, school moving from hybrid to distance learning, and more. I think one of the biggest things overwhelming families right now is distance and disconnection. Despite being connected to devices more than ever families are disconnected from extended family and friends. This lack of connection is weighing on all of us. So I thought it was time to think about ways to start building connection. What if instead of focusing on the connections I am missing, I focused on intentionally building connection within my own home. And I hope you will join me!

I know right now you might be thinking, "Ugh! I don't have time or energy for one more thing!" Don't worry and don't give up! I promise the ideas I share are going to be simple, easy things that only require you to set the intention to jump start building stronger connections in your family. So let's get started with 10 simple things you can do:

1. Say good morning. I mean really say good morning, not just in passing. Get your child or partner's attention, touch their shoulder, look them in the eye or better yet give them a big hug and greet them with a genuine good morning to start their day. Making this connection first thing in the morning is a great way to set the tone for the day. 
2. Use bedtime to connect. I know many of you have already established bedtime routines for your children. Take a minute and consider whether or not these bedtime routines are something you do just to get done or are they a time when you connect at the end of the day. Trust me I know that there were plenty of days when I just wanted my kids to go to bed but I also know that the times that I tried to rush through bedtime were often the times when my kids had the hardest times going to sleep. Try slowing down and truly enjoying this time. Cuddle with your child, read a story, ask them to tell you something about their day and listen, tell them something about them that you appreciated during the day. 
3. Enjoy family meals.  Research tells us that family meals are extremely beneficial to kids. Kids who have regular family meals do better in school, are less likely to participate in risky behaviors, develop healthy eating habits and more. This is because family meals are a great place for kids to feel connected and cared for. So set aside your phone and other devices, turn off the tv and enjoy some time with your family. Check out these easy conversation starters to build connection during your meals. Remember family meals can be any meal during the day that works for you. 
4. Find ways to say yes more. I can think of many times when my kids asked me for something or to do something and without really thinking about it I simply said No for no particular reason. I would  be left wondering why I said no and usually my kids weren't too happy. So I am going to encourage you to check yourself. Resist the urge to give an automatic no and ask yourself why do you want to say no. And look for ways to say Yes instead.  
5. Plan a family fun activity. Do something fun together as a family. This doesn't have to be a big complicated, expensive activity. It could be as simple as a family movie night, a walk or playing a game together. You could also check out our new monthly Family Fun-LIVE event on the South Washington County Schools Early Learning Facebook page. On the third Wednesday of the month we will be hosting a special themed activity for families to do together.This month's activity is Upcycled Art. Collect up some things from your recycling bin, grab some tape, glue and scissors and join us to see what you and your child can create together on Wednesday, December 16th from 6-6:30 pm.  
6. Find delight in your child. Give your child your undivided attention for 5 to 10 minutes each day. Set down your phone, stop whatever you are working on and look them in the eye and truly listen to and watch what they are saying and doing. What better way to build connection than to let them see how delighted you are to see them?
7. Share a hug. Physical affection is important. Hugs lower our stress levels, boosts our immune system, calms our heart rate, and can make us happier. Family therapist Virginia Satir once said, "We need four hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs hugs a day for growth." Are you getting enough hugs?
8. Let your child feel their feelings. Kids have BIG feelings. As parents we often try to minimize these feelings to try and stop the inevitable meltdowns that happen. I don't know about you but I have found that when I try to minimize or stop my kids' feelings the meltdown is so much worse. So instead try building a connection. Offer a hug. Sit close by while your child meltdowns. This doesn't mean you allow your child to be destructive or hurt themselves or others. Instead stay close and let them know you there when they are ready to talk.
9. Engage in roughhouse play. Wrestle with your child. Chase and catch them. Tickle them. All of these different types of roughhouse play build a connection with your child. And also happen to build your child's brain! How cool is that? The key to roughhouse play is make sure everyone knows the boundaries. Talk about consent and that if someone says stop, the play stops immediately. 
10. Spread the love. We often tell our children that we love them. But how often do you tell them specifically what we love about them? Share this with your child. Be as specific as possible. This also is a great idea to try with your partner too!

So let's end this crazy year on a high note and build connection with the people we love most in this world. Remember you don't have to try these all at once. Choose one each day and focus on that particular connection builder. I hope that you find, like I have, that these simple steps can help you feel more connected despite the isolation and disconnection we have been faced with this year. 

An Abundance of Gratitude

Many families, including my own, are beginning to prepare for the holiday season. Thanksgiving is just around the corner and for many of us this a time when we reflect on the things in our life for which we are grateful. I think this year more than ever focusing on what we are grateful for is even more important because the past 9 months have been difficult for everyone. In the midst of all the chaos in the world today, it can be easy to get bogged down and focus on the negative things that are going on around us. Focusing on what we are thankful can provide us with a bright spot in an otherwise crazy time. 

In fact, research shows that practicing gratitude is good for us. People who express gratitude experience higher levels of happiness. Showing gratitude benefits people by increasing positive emotions, higher levels of enjoyment for good experiences, better able to handle adversity, improve health and build stronger relationships. With all these benefits, maybe, just maybe we should be making the practice of gratitude a part of our everyday lives!

So to get started on my own practice of gratitude, I am going to share The Top 10 Things I am Thankful for this Year!

1. My Husband. We celebrated 21 years of marriage this past summer. He still makes me laugh on a daily basis and for this I am grateful. 
2. My Kids. Despite all the challenges my kids have faced this past year, switching to distance learning, cancellation of sport seasons, not getting to see their friends, moving away to college in the midst of a pandemic (just to name a few),  they have shown an amazing amount of resilience and understanding of what is best for the greater good. 
3. My Friends. My 3 best friends and I have an ongoing group chat. We text each other funny stories, ask for advice and provide support to one another despite being spread out across the country. 
4. Zoom. My extended family on my husband's side live in four different states. We had never thought about doing regular video calls until the pandemic hit. Now we get to see and talk to everyone despite living far away from each other on a regular basis. 
5. My Health. I decided in January that it was time to take care of myself. I joined a wellness program that included nutritional information, exercise and more. This commitment to myself has led to me losing just over 30 pounds but more importantly I am healthier, have more energy and am stronger. 
6. My Yard. Our yard has a nice, large, flat area that my husband turns into an ice rink each winter. I am thankful that the boards are up, the lights are strung and now all we need is some cold weather so we can have some ice!
7. My Extended Family. One of the hardest part of the pandemic has been not seeing my mom on a regular basis and I will be honest I miss her. However, I am grateful that she is staying home and is being safe. I know that as much as my dad, stepmom and in-laws would love to come visit us they are staying safe at home too. 
8. Recipe Blogs. I have cooked more at home this year than I had in the past. Browsing the various recipe blogs and trying new recipes has become a bit of a hobby for me.
9. Books. I am a voracious reader. I spend a lot of my spare time escaping into a good book. And while I love holding an actual book in my hands and turning the pages, having access to books on my phone through apps is a wonderful thing. I can read no matter where I am with just the touch of my finger. 
10. ECFE. I am so grateful to work in the South Washington County Schools ECFE program. I always say I have the best job. I get to hang out with some really cool parents and watch their kids grow and learn. It is the best of both worlds. And even though we are moving to Distance Learning, I am grateful that we have found ways to continue to help and support families. 

Here's the deal, practicing gratitude is not just beneficial for adults. It is good for kids too. At its heart gratitude is recognizing who or what brings positive things, experiences, or feelings into our lives. Our kids benefit when we help them recognize these blessings and be grateful for them. Kids who understand and practice gratitude are less likely to make selfish, unreasonable demands, have higher self-esteem, more positive thoughts and outlook, and are more empathetic. Grateful kids appreciate what they have instead of always looking for what they don't have or want. Parents are key to helping their children develop gratitude. Here are 10 tips to instilling gratitude.

1. Share your blessings. Find a time during your day where you and your child can share what you are thankful for. Some good times to make this part of your routine are family meals or bedtime. 
2. Be grateful for your kids. Tell your kids what it is about them that makes you grateful. Not only will it remind you of the good things about your child, it is a such a great way to build your child's self-esteem. 
3. Limit the amount of "stuff." Moderation is key, whether you are talking about toys or activities or experiences. Too much of anything is just too much. When kids are always getting too much, they don't learn to appreciate what they have and are looking for the next latest and greatest thing. 
4. Have them pitch in. Kids can help pay when they want something new. Our kids are expected to use their allowance to help buy things that they want. We also expect our kids to pitch in with chores around the house. Having kids help out with chores helps them learn to be grateful for the work that others do. 
5. Write thank you notes. Teach your child to write thank you notes when they receive a gift or someone does something nice for them. Even young children can draw a picture to show their thanks. 
6. Model how to say thank you sincerely. Some of the compliments about my children I appreciated receiving the most were from servers in restaurants about how polite they were. My husband and I have always been very intentional about saying thank you and our kids have followed suit.  
7. Encourage generosity. Giving is better than receiving. This can be a tricky thing for young children to learn. Help kids find ways to give back to others. Some easy ideas are helping a neighbor rake leaves or shovel snow, donating toys they no longer play with, or if they receive an allowance donating money to a cause of their choice. Talk about how happy it makes another person to receive their help or toy. This helps feel good about giving. 
8. Model politeness and respect for all. Encourage your kids to respect and be polite to others. The best way for kids to learn this is to see us being polite and respectful. 
9. Use teachable moments.  Teachable moments are unplanned and provide meaningful context to introduce or expand something you want your child to learn. Kids learn better when they experience something in real-life. 
10. Find the silver lining. As I said early it can be easy to bogged down in the negativity with all that is going on in the world today. Now is the perfect time to start looking for the silver-lining. The good things that are happen despite or maybe even because of the hard things happening around us. Refocusing on positive things helps us become more resilient in the face of difficulties. 

So I will end this blog with a challenge. First, make your own Top 10 Things You are Grateful for this Year List and share this list with someone else maybe even your child. What better way to start teaching them gratitude, than sharing what you are grateful for!

Can You Feel the Love?

Cinnamon and sugar toast, the smell of apple pie, sugar cookies, and fried chicken are just a few of the things that invoke the memory of my Grandma Peg. Grandma was always in the kitchen, quick to give hugs and loved to spoil me, my sister and cousins. One of my earliest memories is snuggling up in my grandma's lap and having her rock me. When grandma rocked us she always sang a nonsense song, Bye-O, Bye-O Baby, Bye-O little girl. She would repeat this over and over while stroking our backs until we'd fall asleep or be ready to go play. So why did this simple action create such a strong memory for me? This simple ritual made me feel safe, special and most importantly, loved. It told me, "I Love You" without using those words. It is an example of what we call an I Love You Ritual. 

Being told I Love You is a powerful thing. We are made for connection and knowing that we are loved is one way that we build and strengthen our connections, whether it is with our partner, friends or children. Psychologist, John Gottman, explains that in relationships, connections are built and strengthened when one person reaches out to the other. We reach out to others not just by saying, "I love you," but by inviting someone to join us for a fun activity, dinner or have a conversation about something you enjoy. 

At its heart, an I Love You Ritual, is a way of reaching out to our children to help build connection. My family has had many I Love You Rituals as our children have grown. Each of our children had a special song, one for mom and one for dad, that we would sing to them at bedtime each night. This was such an important I Love You Ritual that my husband, who travels frequently for work, sang our children's songs over the phone from planes, rental cars, restaurants and elevators from all of over the country. While my children have outgrown bedtime songs, I hope those songs and the importance we placed on them is a memory they carry with them into adulthood. 

According to Dr. Becky Bailey, founder of Conscious Discipline, "I Love You Rituals are designed to build bonds between people so that each person feels a sense of connection...This sense of connection creates a biochemistry that optimizes the function of our brain." When we participate in I Love You Rituals, our brains release dopamine. This release wires our children's brains for greater impulse control, builds attention span, and encourages more positive behaviors. 

You might be wondering how you can create I Love You Rituals with your child. Don't worry, it is pretty easy to do. 

Choose a time of day or activity that might lend itself to an I Love You Ritual. You can create I Love You Rituals around any time of day, bedtime, waking up, nap time and mealtime, just to name a few. You can also create them around certain activities, saying goodbye, diaper changes and getting into and out of the car. Diaper changes were one of my favorite times to create connection when my kids were babies. I had a little poem I would say once I had their diaper changed. 

• Round and Round the Garden
  Round and round the garden (Circle your finger around your child's tummy)
  Goes the teddy bear (Continue to circle your finger around your child's tummy)
  One step, two steps (Walk your fingers toward your child's armpit or side)
  Tickle you under there (Tickle your child under their arm or on their side)

Here are some other examples of I Love You Rituals:

• Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
  Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
  What a wonderful child you are!
  With bright eyes and nice round cheeks,
  Talented person from head to feet.
  Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
  What a wonderful child you are!
• A Wonderful Woman
  A wonderful woman lived in a shoe.
  She had so many children
  She knew exactly what to do.
  She held them,
  She rocked them,
  And tucked them in bed.
  “I love you, I love you,”
  Is what she said.
• Choose a Goodbye. Here are some fun sayings you can use to say goodbye to your child. 
  

  
  
  

• Bread and Butter
  Bread and Butter 
  Blackberry Jam
  Say I love you 
  As fast as you can. (Then both you and your child quickly say "I love you."
• Good Morning Greeting

As you can see from these examples, I Love You Rituals are short and sweet. They don't take more than a few minutes of your time. And the upside of doing these with your child is tremendous. Pick one or two of the examples above and start your own I Love You Rituals with your child. 

If 2020 was a....

Or maybe 2020 has felt a little more like this for you. 

Or perhaps this is more what you think of when you hear if 2020 was a....

In all seriousness, I do not want to make light of everything that families have gone through and continue to go through. The past year has been a struggle, whether it has been adjusting to working from home or the loss of a job or having to help kids with distance learning. Families have faced a lot of adversity. In the midst of all of this though, I think keeping our sense of humor is one thing that can help us get through all that we have been facing. I am here to argue that what 2020 really is, is the year of resiliency. 

Resiliency is our ability to recover from stress, adversity, challenges, failure and trauma. Even children have the ability to overcome these negative things if we help them develop it. Kids who are resilient are better able to manage stress. They trust in their abilities and instincts. They are more aware of their limits and are willing to try things outside of their comfort zone. Resilient kids are more likely to achieve long-term goals and be independent problem solvers. 

So how can you support the development of resiliency in your child?

Nurture a caring, supportive relationship with your child. The most important thing that kids need in order to develop resiliency is a relationship with one caring, supportive adult. For a lot of kids this relationship is with their parent(s) but for some they might receive this care and support from a grandparent, aunt/uncle or even a teacher or childcare provider. Whoever it is, this caring and supportive adult acts as a buffer when things are stressful. The adult is there to provide support, help kids understand what they are feeling and experiencing and guide them to problem-solve and work through adversity. 

Allow your child to experience adversity. This is one of the hardest things for the caring and supportive adult to do is to allow the child to experience the adversity. We are often too quick to step in and prevent it from happening or trying to rescue the child from their emotions. I discussed this more in depth in the previous blog about building emotional agility in our children. This agility, the ability to manage and navigate our emotions, even the hard emotions, is vital to developing resiliency. We have to let our children experience frustration, disappointment, sadness, anger while supporting them through those emotions. This can be as simple as being with them, identifying their emotions, and helping them find ways to regulate themselves. 

Embrace the idea of safe as possible. We have to allow our child to experience a reasonable amount of danger. This means taking a step back while watching your child navigates a playground, climbs a tree or try something new for the first time. 

Encourage problem-solving skills in your child. The first step is to help them recognize they have a problem because they can quickly become overwhelmed by it. The next step is to help them think of solutions. Young children may not be able to think of solutions on their own. A great way to build this ability is to offer two possible choices to a problem. For example, if a child is struggling to put their coat on, we might say "Would you like to try the flip trick (Lay the coat on the ground with the collar by their feet. Have them put their arms in the sleeves and flip the coat over their head) or would you like me to help you?" Either of these options would help them solve their problem. We can also help kids brainstorm solutions by asking open ended questions. What could you use to help you....? How could you make your tower more stable? What would happen if you...?

Recognize and embrace mistakes. Mistakes and failure are learning opportunities. One way to do this is to focus on the effort versus the end result. Kids who are encouraged based on their effort are more likely to try harder things than kids who are praised for being smart or their final product. 

Look for the silver lining and be optimistic. Some people are naturally more optimistic but even if you or your child aren't you can practice this. Help your child reframe their negative thoughts by pointing out possible positive outcomes. 

Model being resilient. Remember that kids are always watching us. If we want our kids to be resilient then one of the best ways for them to learn is to see us being resilient. A great way to model this is sharing our self-talk with our kids. "I am so frustrated that we are going to be late. I am going to take some deep breaths to calm myself down." or "We got to see that beautiful sunset since we left the house a little later than expected." or "I need to be on a work call at the same time you need to leave for practice. What could we do to fix this?"

And finally, an important part of resiliency can be asking for help when it is need. Our early learning program is a great resource for parents and families. We offer 1-on-1 parent consultations to answer parenting questions and to offer support. You can request yours here. We also still have space available in some of our classes for parents with children age birth of 5. Find out more by visiting our registration website or calling our ECFE office at 651-425-2701 and our Office Coordinator can help you find the class that is right for you.

 

 

Building Your Child's Emotional Agility

My kids have played and been involved in sports for many years. One thing I've noticed from watching them play, whether it is hockey, baseball, lacrosse, tennis or soccer, is that agility is an important part of the game and is vital to keeping their body's healthy. Agility is our bodies ability to move quickly, switch directions or the positioning of our body when our body is already in motion. This is so important in preventing injuries that agility training is a regular part of practices. You might be wondering what agility has to do with emotions. In much the same way that physical agility helps us navigate and move our bodies, emotional agility helps us recognize and manage our emotions and is linked to emotional intelligence. 

It can be hard for parents to see your child upset, sad, frustrated, etc. We often try to rescue our kids from these emotions by minimizing what they are feeling or distracting them instead of allowing them to work through these hard emotions. 

The ability to navigate through our emotions is skill that is vital to lifelong success. Young children who are taught to manage their emotions "become better problem solvers when faced with an emotional situation." (New York Times, 2016) The benefits of emotional agility reach far beyond the preschool years. Emotional intelligence in teenagers is linked "with an increased ability to cope with stressful situations and greater self-esteem." (New York Times, 2016)

Dr. Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, recommends parents help their child navigate through hard emotions by feeling it, showing it, labeling it and watching it go. 

• Feel it means allowing your child to experience all emotions even the hard ones. As I mentioned earlier, parents often try to circumvent children's emotions. Sometimes we do this simply because we don't want our child to feel sad or frustrated. Other times we do this because the emotion our child is experiencing is difficult for us. It triggers a negative response in ourselves. Circle of Security calls this our Shark Music. Our reaction to certain emotions is created by our experiences around these emotions in our own childhoods. In some families, showing certain emotions like anger or sadness might have been discouraged which means that these emotions are harder for you to handle in your child now, so you might try to stop them from feeling it. To learn more check out this great video. When we allow our child to feel it, we validate their experience and teach them that all emotions are ok, even the hard ones. 
• Show it means allowing your child to display all of their emotions. If you are feeling sad it is okay to cry. If you are feeling frustrated it is okay to stomp your foot. This doesn't mean that you allow your child to display their emotion in ways that hurt others or damage things. We can teach our kids appropriate ways to show their emotions. What we shouldn't do is tell them that certain emotions are not okay to show. 
• Label it simply means naming emotions. Young children can often identify happy, sad, mad and scared. However if I asked you to list as many emotions as you can think of you would probably have a pretty long list of words. We have to build our children's emotional vocabulary by labeling emotions. It is just as important to label positive emotions, like happy, excited, joyful, proud, as it is to label negative emotions, such as frustration, sadness, anger, disappointment and jealousy. Labeling it is as simple as saying, "I can see you are really excited. You are jumping up and down." or "I can see you are feeling frustrated." We can also help kids learn to recognize emotions by asking them how other's might be feeling. Recognizing emotions is an important part of building empathy. Ask your child how the characters in books or tv shows are feeling. Talk about what they see that tells them the character is feeling that emotion. 
• Watch it go teaches children that feelings change. Just because you are frustrated doesn't mean you will be frustrated forever. We can help kids understand that feelings pass by talking through our own emotions and what we do to help us manage them. "I am so frustrated I can't find my keys. I am going to take some deep breaths so I can calm down." Watch it go is also helps kids learn that they aren't going to feel the same emotion in similar experiences. When we taught our daughters to ride their bikes without training wheels, they were very scared and nervous. Each time we went out to practice it got a little easier until they no longer felt scared or nervous. Help your child plan what they can do when they feel a certain emotion. This can help them manage this emotion in the future. 

Building emotional agility in our children helps them become more resilient, empathetic and builds their self-esteem. Practice these four practical steps with your child and both of you will be well on your way to being emotionally agile. 

Is My Child Falling Behind?

A concern that keeps coming up for parents of kids of all ages is, "Is my child falling behind?" Maybe your child started kindergarten or preschool this year but instead of school as usual, they are doing distance learning or hybrid learning. Maybe you have a two-year-old and they aren't getting to interact with other kids. The list goes on and on. Our current Covid reality means parents have a lot of concerns and one major one is the impact all these changes have on their child's learning and development. 

My hope is help put your mind at ease by telling you that despite all that is going and all the disruption it has brought, child development doesn't stop. Kids will continue to develop. The great news is that there are simple, easy and inexpensive things families can do at home to help support development. The even better news is that not only is are these things beneficial to kids, they are also good for parents and other caregivers!

• Plan family mealtimes. Choose a meal during your day when your whole family can sit down together and eat. Research shows that family meals are good for our brains, bodies and spirits. For young children, family mealtime has been shown to boost vocabulary. Family mealtimes also influence academic success even more so than the time your child spends doing homework! Family meals do not have to be gourmet and can be any meal during the day. Some families find that dinner/supper works best for family meals while other families find breakfast to be a good time to all eat together. Research shows kids who eat family meals have more balanced diets, eating more fruits and vegetables. Family meals have also been shown to lower the risk of kids participating risky behavior, like smoking or drinking. They have also been shown to lower the rates of depression in teenagers. A key to making the most of family mealtimes is to turn off distractions. In our house we turn off the tv and put our phones away so that we can join in conversation. We are not able to eat together everyday so our goal is to have 4 to 5 family meals a week. When our kids were younger we would all share our highs and lows from the day during mealtime to encourage conversation. You can also find some great conversation starters at The Family Dinner Project. 

• Practice serve and return. You might be wondering what exactly serve and return is. Simply put, serve and return is like a game of tennis. The child serves by paying attention to something and the adult returns by interacting with the child in a caring and responsive way. The cool thing about serve and return is that it builds your child's brain. There is a lot of research available that shows the important connection between brain development and caring, responsive interactions with an adult. Kids who experience these types of interactions typically hear more language. Neuroimaging has been used to show greater activity in children's language processing center of the brain from these types of interactions. These caring, sensitive relationships are also linked to cognitive competency, stronger secure attachments, emotional regulation, social skills and more. There are 5 easy steps to practicing serve and return with your child. 
• When a child serves, share their attention. The serve might be pointing at something, looking at something, or saying a word or sentence. Focus your attention on whatever they are focused on. 
• Encourage and support your child while returning their serve. You can do this by saying encouraging words, offering help, playing with them, facial expressions or physical affection. 
• Use words. Name what your child is focusing on. For example, a child might hold up a toy cow and say "Moo!" You could return this serve by saying, "That's right. A cow says Moo" or "You have a cow. A cow says Moo."
• Keep the interaction going back and forth by taking turns. Be sure to wait for your child to respond to your return. This wait time is so important to keeping the interaction going. 
• Notice when your child is done with an activity and ready to move onto the next thing.

        To see serve and return in action check out this great video here.

• Spend time outside. Spending time outside has many benefits for both children and adults. Kids who spend time outside are physically healthier. Children typically move more when they are outside, whether it is running, jumping, riding a bike or throwing and kicking balls. All of these different movements improve children's motor development. They also benefit from the aerobic exercise. Kids are less likely to be obese if they spend time playing outside because tend to burn more calories and build stronger bones and muscles. Spending time outside participating in unstructured play helps build cognitive and social/emotional skills. Unstructured play is child-driven. Adults can be involved in the play, but the children are driving the play, setting the rules, etc. Kids are more inventive and have the opportunity to use their  own abilities to explore when they are involved in unstructured play. They have the chance to practice turn taking, sharing, negotiating, cooperation, and communication when they play with friends, siblings or adults in unstructured play. And additionally, being outside in nature has been proven to reduce stress. Being outside also allows children to explore with and practice using all of their sensory skills. Kids are able to touch, smell, hear, see and possibly taste when they are outside in nature. They might see a flower, smell a flower and touch a flower, thus engaging 3 out 5 of their senses. Spending time outside can also increase your child's attention span. Spending time outside engages our kids' curiosity. It also encourages them to be more self-directed and spend more time on one activity. Kids who spend time outside are exposed to more sunlight which helps boost their Vitamin D. It also activates the part of the brain that is responsible for a strong immune system and happiness. Being outside can help improve your child's mood and make them happier. And when adults spend time outside, they also benefit in many of the same ways as kids. 

• Read books, tell stories and sing songs together with your child. Reading, story telling and singing songs help to build your child's vocabulary. The size of a child's vocabulary when they enter kindergarten is important to becoming a successful reader. These activities can also jumpstart your child's imagination. They can reenact books or stories that they have heard or create their own stories during their play. Kids can also learn social skills through books and stories. Songs and rhymes help improve listening skills as well as expose them to vocabulary. Make reading and storytelling a part of your daily routine. Some of my fondest memories of my children are around the books we shared when they were young. Even the books that we read over and over and over again! 

While there is a lot of upheaval in our daily lives, there are a lot simple ways we can support and encourage our kids' development. Just take it one day at a time. And despite the changes we are experiencing, children will continue to develop following a predictable pattern. Just take it one day at a time. And remember that the most important thing kids need to be successful is one loving adult in their life!

Change, Change, Change but Not Everything!

My family has experienced a lot of change over the past 6 months. My kids switched from in-person to distance learning. My husband started working from home and not traveling. We missed out on baseball and lacrosse season. My oldest graduated from high school in a virtual ceremony. Time spent with friends and family changed. My oldest daughter moved away for her first year of college. My two kiddos at home are experiencing school in a new way again. Whew! I am exhausted and slightly overwhelmed by all of this just typing it! I know my family isn't the only family weathering a lot change and upheaval from all that is going on in the world. One thing that has gotten me through this whole global pandemic is thinking about things that have remained constant for our family. 

 

Since this is the first blog of the new school year and the school year looks different than it ever has before, I thought it might be good to focus on things that have stayed constant for kids, family and our program. 

 

First, parents - you are your child's first and most important teacher. This is one of the tenets that Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE) is built upon but it can also feel overwhelming for parents to hear this. Rest assured we aren't suggesting that you need to find the newest reading curriculum or run out and grab alphabet flashcards. What we know is that you know your child best. You know what they love, what they dislike, what they enjoy, what makes them crabby, what soothes them! The list goes on and on. All of this knowledge makes you best suited to teach your child all sort of things. Whether it's talking about colors, counting or sorting while playing with their favorite toys, or helping your child learn to start managing their emotions, you know what your child needs. 

Second, kids learn best through play! You don't need anything fancy to teach your child. They just need to play. And playing with you, their first and most important teacher, is powerful in so many ways. According to Psychology Today, parent-child play, both physical and pretend, "is linked with the child's competency, gross motor skills, peer group leadership, and cognitive development...Interactive play can also help a child learn how to regulate their emotions better." 

 

And finally, children's development is both universal and individual. All kids no matter where they are in the world follow the same basic pattern of development. For example, they typically lift their head up, then roll over, then sit up, then crawl and then walk. However, any parent who has had more than one child can tell you that these things might not happen at the exact same time. My daughters were both walking shortly after their first birthdays. My son didn't start walking until he was almost a 1 1/2 years old but once he started, he took off running! It is important to remember not to compare our kids to other kids because we know that each child has their own individual path of development. Your child’s early learning teacher or your health care provider can be a great resource for discussing concerns you may have about your child’s development. Another resource, Help Me Grow, provides many resources about the development of young children for parents.  These resources include information on developmental milestones, YouTube videos, caregiver strategies to support development, screening and evaluation, and how to talk about developmental concerns. 

With all the changes families have had to face, it is important to all of us at South Washington County Schools to be one of the constants for families. We know that the look of our programming, whether ECFE classes or preschool, may be different but we are striving to still provide the same quality learning for both parents and children. Here are just a few ways that we will be connecting with families this year. 

• Home Consultations-Parents can request a virtual consultation with aLicensed Parent Educator to discuss a variety of different topics related to parenting and/or their child. Some common topics covered are bedtime routines, mealtime, dealing with strong emotions, soothing your baby, and so much more! These consultations are available for families with children age birth to grade 3. Request yours today at https://forms.gle/6s3GRnuqTxhQ2Z2u7.
• Preschool Text to Connect-This is a simple way to learn more about your child's social emotional development. Parents of kids in threes or fours preschool who sign up for this program receive two text messages per week, a fact about social emotional development and an easy to implement tip to support that development. Sign up is easy. Threes preschool families can text @48k6e7 to 81010 to automatically join. Fours preschools families can text @97ka9ba to 81010 to automatically join. 
• ECFE Classes-We are offering both in person and distance learning classes for the fall for families with children birth to age 5. For more information on classes please see our brochure. There is still space available in some classes.
• Special Events – All expectant parents and parents of babies, ages birth to 8 months are invited to an ECFE Virtual Community Baby Shower on Tuesday, September 22, 2020, 6:00-7:00 pm.  This event is FREE, but RSVP is required by visiting https://sowashco.ce.eleyo.com.  Use course number CP007-02 to register.
• Facebook-Like us on Facebook. Our South Washington County Early Learning page is a valuable resource for families. It is a great place to find program updates but that is not all. We post fun early childhood activities, like Circle Time Videos, that you can use at home. It is also a great place to find valuable and reliable parenting resources. 

 

Throughout this period of change, remember to focus on those things that remain constant in your life. South Washington County Schools Early Learning Program is here for you and ready to connect with support and resources during this unprecedented time.

How to Talk to Kids about Race and Racism

A little over a week ago the greater Twin Cities witnessed a horrific act of violence that has shaken our community and country. As a parent I am left wondering what can I do, how do I support my children through this and more importantly how do I help create a better tomorrow for all children?

First and foremost, we need to talk about it. Talk about what happened to George Floyd, why people are protesting and even why people are rioting. At my house this conversation with my teenaged children has centered around our privilege. The privilege I have as a white middle class mother to not have to worry about my children the same way mothers and fathers of children of color do. This conversation is happening within our family but we are also encouraging our children to have these conversations with friends. My daughters were both shaken when a classmate of theirs posted in social media how he never leaves home without telling his mom he loves her because it might be the last time he gets to do it. This is the reality for so many children and so many parents.

If we talk about these things with our children from a young age we will do better. We can help our children become the a powerful force for change in this world. What these conversations look like for your family will depend on many things. And having these conversations can be hard. As parents, we don't always know what to say or how to say it. I want to share some tips for how to have conversations about race depending on your children's ages and stages of development.

Your child is never too young or too old to begin having conversations about race. Babies as young as 6 months start to notice race. In fact, they can actually show racial bias at this young age. As kids learn and grow somewhere along the way, they pick up messages about race. This is just one reason why we cannot be silent about race. It is in the silence that confusion and stereotypes flourish and grow.

So what do we say to children about race? One answer is to state facts. It is okay to notice physical differences including things like skin color in the same way we notice other physical differences like hair color, eye color, etc. We can explain to children that the color of a person's skin is determined by how much melanin people have. It is important to point out that we all have melanin, some people just have more. If your child has questions about physical differences between people answer them. 

Kids are naturally curious. Encourage this curiosity. Explore other cultures with your child through books, movies and events. Talk about the experiences with your child afterwards. Don't worry about being an expert. Just answer honestly. It is okay to say you don't know the answer but then seek it out to share with your child. Click here for a list of children's books that can help you explore the topic of race, racism and resistances. 

Pay attention to yourself. We all the know the old saying, "Do as I say, not as I do", doesn't ring true. Our children are watching us. What we say and do models both acceptance and bias of racial differences. Don't be afraid to admit your own racial biases. A good way to start doing this is recognizing your initial reaction to people of a certain race, checking it and rethinking it. 

Be proactive. You can and should start the conversation about race with your child but allow your child to guide it. Kids are good at determining how much information they can take in at time. Answer your child's questions with small amounts of information and allow them to ask follow up questions. When they have enough information, they will stop asking until they are ready for more.  

Remember this is marathon not a sprint. This is a conversation that you will continue to have with your child throughout their childhood. 

I also want to provide a few helpful for resources you can use to help your child process the violence that has been happening throughout our community. Even if your child hasn't witnessed this first hand they may have seen something on tv or overheard a conversation that has left them feeling scared and full of questions. The following resources have great information for helping your child process this trauma.

Racism and Violence: Using Your Power as a Parent to Support Children Aged 2 to 5

What to Say to Kids When the News is Scary

Something Happened in Our Town

The Be Careful Trap

Let me know if this sounds familiar. Your child is climbing high on the playground or maybe riding their trike fast down a hill or any number of other things that leaves you with that sense of dread that what they are doing is dangerous. If you are anything like me, your natural reaction is probably to say, "Be Careful!" This is a normal reaction. After all, it is our job to keep our kids safe. That being said, it is our kids' job to explore and part of that exploration should be engaging in risky play. 

Risky play gives kids a chance to experiment and push themselves despite not knowing what might happen. Play that is too safe can become boring for kids. The element of risk allows kids to test themselves and see what they are comfortable with. 

Beyond that, risky play has been shown to provide many benefits to kids. It helps build self-confidence, resilience, executive function skills and risk management skills. Kids actually get better at measuring how dangerous something is by engaging in risky play. The risk of injury is actually lower for kids who participate in risky play. 

There are six types of risky play that we should allow our children to participate in. 

1. Play at great heights. What does this look like? For a lot of kids this may include climb on monkey bars or up the tallest slide or sliding down the fireman's pole at the playground. Jumping from a high place or climbing trees are also great examples of this type of risky play. Kids get the sensation of losing control and there is the possibility of falling. 
   
2. Play at high speed. Kids engaged in this type of play might ride their bike or trike too fast. They might run as fast as they can down a hill. Swinging fast or enjoying a zip line are other ways of playing at high speeds. Kids experience the risk of crashing into something or someone or falling down. 
3. Playing with dangerous tools. Last summer I was at my best friends house and I watched her kids ages 4 to 10 all play with a piece of wood, hammers and nails. They spent hours hammering nails into a piece of wood. Was there a risk to this? Of course, the kids could have hammered their thumbs or poked themselves with a nail but that didn't stop them from finding endless enjoyment. Using tools is something that kids love and unfortunately they don't get many opportunities to do this. Kids need to concentrate on using the tools to help lessen the risk. 
4. Play near dangerous elements. This type of risky play is probably the hardest for parents to allow. It is easy to see how allowing your child to climb on cliffs or play near water or fire could lead to serious injury. That being said this type of risky play is still vital to children learning how to assess, manage and mitigate risk. 
   
5. Rough and tumble play allows kids the opportunity to distinguish between pretend fight and real fighting. They learn how to manage their strength so as not to hurt another person. Kids might wrestle, sword fight with sticks or pretend to fight one another. 
6. Play where children can disappear or get lost. Kids exploring an unknown area or space with the risk of getting lost. Kids have to focus on finding landmarks to help them find their way in this type of exploration. 
   

Now if you are like me, you probably read through that list of risky play activities and cringed just thinking about your child participating in some of them. If your gut reaction was to say, "No Way!!", that's okay. I am not about to suggest that you allow your toddler to go play by a stream or your preschooler to climb up a tree or your elementary aged child build a fire without your supervision. What I am suggesting is that we as parents find ways to supervise, tolerate and encourage risky play within boundaries. 

So how do we as parents take a step back and allow our children to engage in risky play?

1. Safe as necessary vs. safe as possible. Parents should step in when situations are truly dangerous and allow their child to explore when the level of risk is acceptable. You wouldn't want your child to play on broken playground equipment as that could pose a serious risk. However, allowing your child to balance and walk across a fallen tree is a risk that is manageable for you and your child. 
2. Provide guidance. This might include offering advise like, "Use your strong hands to hold on." or "Do you want to jump by yourself or holding my hand?" This where it is important to avoid saying "Be careful." Offer concrete advise that helps your child navigate the risk. 
3. Keep your own fears from getting in the way. As parents we have a lot of fears, ranging from our kids getting hurt to being kidnapped. These fears as well as other everyday kind of fears like the fear of heights that can get in the way of our children enjoying and benefiting from risky play. As parents we need to managed these fears and recognize that the likelihood of our children being kidnapped or injured is relatively low and we can help mitigate these by teaching them personal safety skills. 
4. Breathe and count to 20. As you watch your child engage in risky play and you get that gut twisting sense of danger, take a breath and count to 20. Allow the situation to unfold and how your child is reacting to it. Kids will often find their own way to limit the danger in a situation without us intervening. 
5. Provide time and space for play. Let's face it. Families are busy. There is school, homework, work and extracurriculars that pack our schedules. Be sure to allow for unstructured time in both yours and your child's schedule. Right now with a lot of scheduled activities on hold, it is the perfect time to get outside and explore without a specific purpose and allow your child to engage in some risky play. 
6. Provide access to loose parts. I mentioned earlier that my friend's kids spent hours pounding nails into a piece of wood. They created this opportunity for their kids by giving each child their own tool box with a small hammer and few other tools, a bucket of old nails and a piece of wood. The kids knew where these items were and set about playing with them all on their own. What sort of loose parts do you have around that your child could enjoy?

So put aside your worry and fear and enjoy some risky play with your child!

Following Your Child's Lead

One of the great things about Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE) is the dedicated time set aside for parents to spend time participating in fun activities with their child. Parent-child interaction time typically allows parents to spend time one-on-one with their child participating in age appropriate activities. Parents and kids love this time together whether they spend it making art projects, playing in the sensory bin, in the play kitchen or so many more activities. One of the tenets of this time is that parents are encouraged to follow their child's lead. So what exactly does this mean? Why is this important? And what does it look like to follow your child's lead?

Simply put, following your child's lead means giving your child the opportunity to lead the interaction whether this through conversation or play. The child chooses what they want to do and the parent joins in the activity the child is doing. It isn't uncommon for children to play with the same toy or activity each time they come to ECFE. Maybe you have noticed that your child likes to play with their trains or dolls or building blocks most of the time at home. This is okay. They aren't missing out by spending their time focused on one activity. The way to make these activities richer for your child is to join in and follow their lead.

Following your child's lead allows you to provide language through the questions and interactions that you have with your child. We can encourage our kids to think more deeply by asking questions and simply talking about what our child is doing. Here are some additional benefits to following your child's lead:

• Children are given an opportunity to build their curiosity when they get to lead. They get to explore how they see fit instead of in a prescribed manner. Parents are given the opportunity to learn about their child's thinking when they follow their child. 
• When children lead, they explore in ways that are meaningful to them. Parent can enrich this exploration by adding words and concepts to their exploration. 
• Leading gives children a chance to practice decision making. They get to decide what to do with a given activity. Parents can encourage turn taking when following their child's lead. 
• Children choose to include or not include our ideas when we follow their lead. Parents are given the opportunity to listen to their child. 
• Children need to communicate more when they are leading. Following your child's lead allows you to learn about your child's interests and have fun together!

One easy way to follow your child's lead is to practice being an OWL. 

Observe your child. Notice what toys, activities and people draw your child's attention. Notice if your child spends more time or works hard at certain activities. Find ways to allow your child to engage in the activities they find most exciting and enjoy the most. Then join in those activities with your child. 

Watch for your child to get interested in an activity. Waiting can be hard but allow your child time to engage or explore before you show them how to do it. Also notice how your child explores. They might use a toy in a new way instead how we might think they should use it. 

Listen to your child through their words and actions. Respond to what your child is doing by copying them or talking about what they are doing or asking questions. Get down at their level to encourage interaction. When your child initiates interaction with you, respond to what they say or do. Stay on topic. 

Following your child's lead is not only beneficial to you and your child, it is fun too! If you would like to learn more about following your child's lead, check out our virtual parent discussion groups here. Discussion groups meet on various days and times. Choose the one that works best for you. 

Fun At Home

If you are anything like me and my kids you are probably getting a little stir-crazy being home so much. In an attempt to help stave off the craziness, I am sharing easy activities you can do at home with your child. I tried to choose activities that use items you most likely have at home. Pick one or try them all with your child. Enjoy!

Fun with Tape

• Create an obstacle course using painter's tape on your floor. Some ideas to include are different shapes for your child to jump on and lines for them to walk on. You can even have them go under and over furniture. 

• Using masking tape or painter's tape create a roadway for your child to drive cars around. 

• Tape smaller toys like cars, animals or blocks to a cookie sheet or tray. Have your child free the objects by peeling the tape up and off each one. This is a great fine motor activity for building strong fingers. 
• Tape across a piece of paper or canvas. Have your child cover the paper with paint, markers or crayons. Then peel off the tape. 

• For even more fun tape ideas check out over 40 painters tape game and activities here.

Fun with Water

• Play the sink or float game with your child. Collect a variety of objects. Be sure to have some that will sink and some that will float. Fill a clear tub with water or play this in the bathtub or kitchen sink. Take turns choosing an object and putting it in the water. Does it sink or float? For older children ask them to make a prediction before they put it in the water. Once they have done this a few times ask them what they notice about the objects that float or sink. 
• Freeze some small toys (cars or animals) in a container of water. Once it is frozen place the block of ice on a tray, in your sink or tub and give your child a squeeze bottle, eye droppers, or spray bottle filled with warm water. Let them have fun melting the ice to get to the toys. 
• Paint outside on the sidewalk or driveway with water. Let your children create pictures and watch them disappear. 
• Make a car wash station. Fill a container with soapy water. Let your child wash toy cars or other toys using q-tips, sponges, paint brushes or toothbrushes. 
• Make homemade bubbles. Click here for several different recipes for homemade bubbles. There are lots of different items that can be used as bubble wands including, toilet/paper towel roll tubes, plastic straws, metal canning lids, cookie cutters, pipe cleaners (twisted into the shape of a wand) and plastic bottles with the bottom cut off.

Fun with Books

• Have your child read a familiar story to you. This is a beginning step to literacy. 
• Make paper plate mask of your favorite characters and retell the story together or create your own story. 
• Look at pictures of your family together. Ask your child to find certain people. Talk about each person with your child.
• Join the Washington County Library for their Storytime on the Go.
• Read, Read, Read! Enjoy lots of books with your child.

Fun with Music/Songs

• Turn on your favorite song and have a dance party with your child.
• Sing familiar songs like Twinkle, Twinkle, Mr. Sun, The Wheels on the Bus, The Itsy Bitsy Spider & Roly Poly. 
• Do the Freeze Song, Shake Your Sillies Out or Baby Shark. 
• Make homemade shakers using small plastic containers filled with rice, dry beans, dry pasta or beads. 

Fun Outside

• Go on a nature scavenger hunt. 

• Decorate your driveway and sidewalks with chalk. Maybe write an encouraging message for those who will be walking in your neighborhood. 
• Use chalk and make an outdoor obstacle course. 
  

Put on Your Oxygen Mask First!

Anyone who has traveled on the a plane has heard the safety spiel about putting on their oxygen mask first before they help others. This true for so much more of life than just the oxygen masks on airplanes. We have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others. This is especially hard for parents. We have little, or not so little, people depending on us. Needing us for so many things. Especially right now, when parents are not only trying to work, but have to parent and help their children with school, all from home while being isolated from friends and family, it is even more important that we practice self-care.

First things first, set aside your guilt. You know what I am talking about. That little voice that tells you that you need to do the laundry or clean the kitchen or that your kids can't see their friends and family right now so they need your undivided attention. While all of those things might be true, you also need to take care of yourself. Otherwise all of those things will overwhelm you making it hard for you to take care of anyone or anything.

Make it a routine. Set aside some time each day, or at the very least at each week, to do something for yourself. Maybe even go so far as to schedule it on your calendar.

For a lot of us spending time with our friends and extended families is something that we are missing right now. Utilize technology, like Zoom or Skype, to connect with people. This past weekend my best friends and I had a virtual happy hour using Zoom. We each gathered up a snack, found a quietish spot (3 of us are moms so you know how that goes) and enjoyed chatting and laughing together. We have already scheduled another Happy Hour for this coming Saturday.

Prioritize your relationship with your parenting partner. Set up regular date nights. This doesn't have to be something that involves getting a babysitter or going out. My husband and I had weekly date nights at home after our kids were in bed when they were young. We would play a board or card game, make a special dinner or dessert, or just sit and visit.

Practice gratitude on a daily basis. Research shows that practicing gratitude can help reduce anxiety. During this time when our lives are drastically changed, it can be easy to lose sight of the good. Remind yourself by making a gratitude list. Here's my list for today: I am grateful for the nice weather we have been having. I am grateful for my house where we are safe. I am grateful for all the essential workers who are still working to help take care of all of us.

Enjoy some time outside. Yesterday, my family of five plus our two dogs ventured out on a walk through our neighborhood. We enjoyed the sunshine, fresh air and signs of early spring that we encountered. I enjoyed sunshine so much I dug out a lawn chair when we got home and sat in my front lawn in the sun reading my book. Here's the deal about getting outside, not only can it be enjoyable, research shows that it is good for our mental health.

Find things that fill you up and make you happy. This will different for all of us. Maybe you need to set aside time to exercise on a regular basis, read a book or magazine, take a long bath, find something that makes you laugh, meditate, or pick up a hobby that you used to do pre-kids. Whatever it is, find something you enjoy and make time to do it.

Also, don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes things can be too much and we just need a little help to take care of ourselves. The district has mental health resources available here.