First and foremost, we need to talk about it. Talk about what happened to George Floyd, why people are protesting and even why people are rioting. At my house this conversation with my teenaged children has centered around our privilege. The privilege I have as a white middle class mother to not have to worry about my children the same way mothers and fathers of children of color do. This conversation is happening within our family but we are also encouraging our children to have these conversations with friends. My daughters were both shaken when a classmate of theirs posted in social media how he never leaves home without telling his mom he loves her because it might be the last time he gets to do it. This is the reality for so many children and so many parents.
If we talk about these things with our children from a young age we will do better. We can help our children become the a powerful force for change in this world. What these conversations look like for your family will depend on many things. And having these conversations can be hard. As parents, we don't always know what to say or how to say it. I want to share some tips for how to have conversations about race depending on your children's ages and stages of development.
Your child is never too young or too old to begin having conversations about race. Babies as young as 6 months start to notice race. In fact, they can actually show racial bias at this young age. As kids learn and grow somewhere along the way, they pick up messages about race. This is just one reason why we cannot be silent about race. It is in the silence that confusion and stereotypes flourish and grow.
So what do we say to children about race? One answer is to state facts. It is okay to notice physical differences including things like skin color in the same way we notice other physical differences like hair color, eye color, etc. We can explain to children that the color of a person's skin is determined by how much melanin people have. It is important to point out that we all have melanin, some people just have more. If your child has questions about physical differences between people answer them.
Kids are naturally curious. Encourage this curiosity. Explore other cultures with your child through books, movies and events. Talk about the experiences with your child afterwards. Don't worry about being an expert. Just answer honestly. It is okay to say you don't know the answer but then seek it out to share with your child. Click here for a list of children's books that can help you explore the topic of race, racism and resistances.
Pay attention to yourself. We all the know the old saying, "Do as I say, not as I do", doesn't ring true. Our children are watching us. What we say and do models both acceptance and bias of racial differences. Don't be afraid to admit your own racial biases. A good way to start doing this is recognizing your initial reaction to people of a certain race, checking it and rethinking it.
Be proactive. You can and should start the conversation about race with your child but allow your child to guide it. Kids are good at determining how much information they can take in at time. Answer your child's questions with small amounts of information and allow them to ask follow up questions. When they have enough information, they will stop asking until they are ready for more.
Remember this is marathon not a sprint. This is a conversation that you will continue to have with your child throughout their childhood.
I also want to provide a few helpful for resources you can use to help your child process the violence that has been happening throughout our community. Even if your child hasn't witnessed this first hand they may have seen something on tv or overheard a conversation that has left them feeling scared and full of questions. The following resources have great information for helping your child process this trauma.
