An Abundance of Gratitude

Many families, including my own, are beginning to prepare for the holiday season. Thanksgiving is just around the corner and for many of us this a time when we reflect on the things in our life for which we are grateful. I think this year more than ever focusing on what we are grateful for is even more important because the past 9 months have been difficult for everyone. In the midst of all the chaos in the world today, it can be easy to get bogged down and focus on the negative things that are going on around us. Focusing on what we are thankful can provide us with a bright spot in an otherwise crazy time. 

In fact, research shows that practicing gratitude is good for us. People who express gratitude experience higher levels of happiness. Showing gratitude benefits people by increasing positive emotions, higher levels of enjoyment for good experiences, better able to handle adversity, improve health and build stronger relationships. With all these benefits, maybe, just maybe we should be making the practice of gratitude a part of our everyday lives!

So to get started on my own practice of gratitude, I am going to share The Top 10 Things I am Thankful for this Year!

1. My Husband. We celebrated 21 years of marriage this past summer. He still makes me laugh on a daily basis and for this I am grateful. 
2. My Kids. Despite all the challenges my kids have faced this past year, switching to distance learning, cancellation of sport seasons, not getting to see their friends, moving away to college in the midst of a pandemic (just to name a few),  they have shown an amazing amount of resilience and understanding of what is best for the greater good. 
3. My Friends. My 3 best friends and I have an ongoing group chat. We text each other funny stories, ask for advice and provide support to one another despite being spread out across the country. 
4. Zoom. My extended family on my husband's side live in four different states. We had never thought about doing regular video calls until the pandemic hit. Now we get to see and talk to everyone despite living far away from each other on a regular basis. 
5. My Health. I decided in January that it was time to take care of myself. I joined a wellness program that included nutritional information, exercise and more. This commitment to myself has led to me losing just over 30 pounds but more importantly I am healthier, have more energy and am stronger. 
6. My Yard. Our yard has a nice, large, flat area that my husband turns into an ice rink each winter. I am thankful that the boards are up, the lights are strung and now all we need is some cold weather so we can have some ice!
7. My Extended Family. One of the hardest part of the pandemic has been not seeing my mom on a regular basis and I will be honest I miss her. However, I am grateful that she is staying home and is being safe. I know that as much as my dad, stepmom and in-laws would love to come visit us they are staying safe at home too. 
8. Recipe Blogs. I have cooked more at home this year than I had in the past. Browsing the various recipe blogs and trying new recipes has become a bit of a hobby for me.
9. Books. I am a voracious reader. I spend a lot of my spare time escaping into a good book. And while I love holding an actual book in my hands and turning the pages, having access to books on my phone through apps is a wonderful thing. I can read no matter where I am with just the touch of my finger. 
10. ECFE. I am so grateful to work in the South Washington County Schools ECFE program. I always say I have the best job. I get to hang out with some really cool parents and watch their kids grow and learn. It is the best of both worlds. And even though we are moving to Distance Learning, I am grateful that we have found ways to continue to help and support families. 

Here's the deal, practicing gratitude is not just beneficial for adults. It is good for kids too. At its heart gratitude is recognizing who or what brings positive things, experiences, or feelings into our lives. Our kids benefit when we help them recognize these blessings and be grateful for them. Kids who understand and practice gratitude are less likely to make selfish, unreasonable demands, have higher self-esteem, more positive thoughts and outlook, and are more empathetic. Grateful kids appreciate what they have instead of always looking for what they don't have or want. Parents are key to helping their children develop gratitude. Here are 10 tips to instilling gratitude.

1. Share your blessings. Find a time during your day where you and your child can share what you are thankful for. Some good times to make this part of your routine are family meals or bedtime. 
2. Be grateful for your kids. Tell your kids what it is about them that makes you grateful. Not only will it remind you of the good things about your child, it is a such a great way to build your child's self-esteem. 
3. Limit the amount of "stuff." Moderation is key, whether you are talking about toys or activities or experiences. Too much of anything is just too much. When kids are always getting too much, they don't learn to appreciate what they have and are looking for the next latest and greatest thing. 
4. Have them pitch in. Kids can help pay when they want something new. Our kids are expected to use their allowance to help buy things that they want. We also expect our kids to pitch in with chores around the house. Having kids help out with chores helps them learn to be grateful for the work that others do. 
5. Write thank you notes. Teach your child to write thank you notes when they receive a gift or someone does something nice for them. Even young children can draw a picture to show their thanks. 
6. Model how to say thank you sincerely. Some of the compliments about my children I appreciated receiving the most were from servers in restaurants about how polite they were. My husband and I have always been very intentional about saying thank you and our kids have followed suit.  
7. Encourage generosity. Giving is better than receiving. This can be a tricky thing for young children to learn. Help kids find ways to give back to others. Some easy ideas are helping a neighbor rake leaves or shovel snow, donating toys they no longer play with, or if they receive an allowance donating money to a cause of their choice. Talk about how happy it makes another person to receive their help or toy. This helps feel good about giving. 
8. Model politeness and respect for all. Encourage your kids to respect and be polite to others. The best way for kids to learn this is to see us being polite and respectful. 
9. Use teachable moments.  Teachable moments are unplanned and provide meaningful context to introduce or expand something you want your child to learn. Kids learn better when they experience something in real-life. 
10. Find the silver lining. As I said early it can be easy to bogged down in the negativity with all that is going on in the world today. Now is the perfect time to start looking for the silver-lining. The good things that are happen despite or maybe even because of the hard things happening around us. Refocusing on positive things helps us become more resilient in the face of difficulties. 

So I will end this blog with a challenge. First, make your own Top 10 Things You are Grateful for this Year List and share this list with someone else maybe even your child. What better way to start teaching them gratitude, than sharing what you are grateful for!

Can You Feel the Love?

Cinnamon and sugar toast, the smell of apple pie, sugar cookies, and fried chicken are just a few of the things that invoke the memory of my Grandma Peg. Grandma was always in the kitchen, quick to give hugs and loved to spoil me, my sister and cousins. One of my earliest memories is snuggling up in my grandma's lap and having her rock me. When grandma rocked us she always sang a nonsense song, Bye-O, Bye-O Baby, Bye-O little girl. She would repeat this over and over while stroking our backs until we'd fall asleep or be ready to go play. So why did this simple action create such a strong memory for me? This simple ritual made me feel safe, special and most importantly, loved. It told me, "I Love You" without using those words. It is an example of what we call an I Love You Ritual. 

Being told I Love You is a powerful thing. We are made for connection and knowing that we are loved is one way that we build and strengthen our connections, whether it is with our partner, friends or children. Psychologist, John Gottman, explains that in relationships, connections are built and strengthened when one person reaches out to the other. We reach out to others not just by saying, "I love you," but by inviting someone to join us for a fun activity, dinner or have a conversation about something you enjoy. 

At its heart, an I Love You Ritual, is a way of reaching out to our children to help build connection. My family has had many I Love You Rituals as our children have grown. Each of our children had a special song, one for mom and one for dad, that we would sing to them at bedtime each night. This was such an important I Love You Ritual that my husband, who travels frequently for work, sang our children's songs over the phone from planes, rental cars, restaurants and elevators from all of over the country. While my children have outgrown bedtime songs, I hope those songs and the importance we placed on them is a memory they carry with them into adulthood. 

According to Dr. Becky Bailey, founder of Conscious Discipline, "I Love You Rituals are designed to build bonds between people so that each person feels a sense of connection...This sense of connection creates a biochemistry that optimizes the function of our brain." When we participate in I Love You Rituals, our brains release dopamine. This release wires our children's brains for greater impulse control, builds attention span, and encourages more positive behaviors. 

You might be wondering how you can create I Love You Rituals with your child. Don't worry, it is pretty easy to do. 

Choose a time of day or activity that might lend itself to an I Love You Ritual. You can create I Love You Rituals around any time of day, bedtime, waking up, nap time and mealtime, just to name a few. You can also create them around certain activities, saying goodbye, diaper changes and getting into and out of the car. Diaper changes were one of my favorite times to create connection when my kids were babies. I had a little poem I would say once I had their diaper changed. 

• Round and Round the Garden
  Round and round the garden (Circle your finger around your child's tummy)
  Goes the teddy bear (Continue to circle your finger around your child's tummy)
  One step, two steps (Walk your fingers toward your child's armpit or side)
  Tickle you under there (Tickle your child under their arm or on their side)

Here are some other examples of I Love You Rituals:

• Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
  Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
  What a wonderful child you are!
  With bright eyes and nice round cheeks,
  Talented person from head to feet.
  Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
  What a wonderful child you are!
• A Wonderful Woman
  A wonderful woman lived in a shoe.
  She had so many children
  She knew exactly what to do.
  She held them,
  She rocked them,
  And tucked them in bed.
  “I love you, I love you,”
  Is what she said.
• Choose a Goodbye. Here are some fun sayings you can use to say goodbye to your child. 
  

  
  
  

• Bread and Butter
  Bread and Butter 
  Blackberry Jam
  Say I love you 
  As fast as you can. (Then both you and your child quickly say "I love you."
• Good Morning Greeting

As you can see from these examples, I Love You Rituals are short and sweet. They don't take more than a few minutes of your time. And the upside of doing these with your child is tremendous. Pick one or two of the examples above and start your own I Love You Rituals with your child.