It's Scary!!

Ghost, Witches and Ghouls, Oh My! This time year can present many opportunities for young children to be exposed to scary things even if your family doesn't participate in the upcoming Halloween holiday.

It doesn't take much. Your child might see a scary decoration during simple trip to the store or a walk around the neighborhood. When my son was younger, about 2 years old, he saw a scary monster statue in the store as we walked past the Halloween section. From that point on, we had to strategically navigate through the store to avoid that area. He would say, "No monsters!" every time we went to the store. So now seems like a good time to take a closer look at childhood fears and how we can help our kids deal with these fears. 

It is normal for young children to develop fears. Even kids as young as 8 months can start to show fearful responses to strangers. Young toddlers recognize fearful responses in their caregivers and will move closer to them. Children, age 2 to 5, can start to develop typical fears, like being afraid of the dark, monsters or animals. It is also important to remember that kids don't start recognizing the difference between fantasy and reality until between ages 3 to 5. 

Parents can help kids navigate their fears in a number of ways: 

1. Sometimes parents are surprised by their child's fear or think the fear is silly. When your child is afraid, reassure them and let them know they are safe no matter what.
2. Label your child's fear. "That dog barked loudly and it scared you."
3. Find ways to empower your child with tools to help them. If your child is afraid of the dark, let them choose if they want to have a lamp left on in the room or the door open with a light left on in the hall. 
4. Prepare your child ahead of time if you know they might encounter something that will scare them. You might talk with your child about kids being dressed in costumes if you are going to a Halloween party.  

Here are somethings to avoid when helping your child navigate their fears. 

1. Try not to laugh at your child's fear, even if you think it is silly. 
2. Don't tell your child not to be afraid or that something isn't scary. It is scary to them even if we don't think it is scary. 
3. It can be tempting to force our children to brave when they are afraid. Take baby steps to help them overcome their fear. If they are afraid of a dog, try asking your child if they would like to wave at the dog or pet the dog while you hold them. 

Childhood fears can be tricky to navigate. Just remember that you are your child's safe place. They need to be able to lean on you when they are afraid. 

It's More than Play

Do you have a climber? Or a kiddo who likes to hang upside down? Does your child like to line up their toys? Or throw things? For parents, these repeated patterns of play may leave you wondering why your child likes to play this way. And unfortunately, sometimes these patterns of play can be misinterpreted as mischief or naughtiness. 

So let's take a look at what these patterns of play really are. These are called schemas. Schemas are basically urges that kids have that show up in their play. These urges are natural, necessary and not something kids can control. Here's the thing about these urges, kids are actually building their brain through these repeated behaviors. Understanding these schemas can help parents understand their child's behavior and support their development. It can also help parent redirect them when necessary. 

Orientation

Kids who enjoy hanging upside down or climbing are building their orientation schema. This kind of play helps kids understand things from different points of view. Kids have to have the opportunity to view things from different heights and be upside down to build this understanding of orientation. Parents can give their child safe opportunities to climb and hang. Go to the playground. Allow your child to climb trees. Children will also enjoy using binoculars, telescopes or magnify glass. Kids may also enjoy exploring reflections using unbreakable hand held mirrors. The challenge of this schema is safety. Use redirection like, "you can't climb on this, but you can climb on this" or "this isn't a safe place to climb, we will go outside after lunch and you can climb."

Positioning

In our early childhood classrooms, we often see kids who like to line up toys. It might be cars or animals or even blocks. Some of us still carry this schema with us into adulthood. Some of us might organize our spice rack alphabetically or have our pencils lined up on our desk. Parents can help children build their understanding of positioning by providing groupings of similar toys (i.e., cars or animals) that their child can line up. Ask you child questions about how they are positioning their toys. The hard part of this schema is child can become very upset when their order is disrupted by someone. As parents we need to help them learn to manage their feelings when this happens. 

Connection 

Kids who are building their connection schema enjoy playing with toys like Legos or putting beads on a string or connecting train tracks together. Some other activities to offer your child are puzzles, opportunity to practice with buttons, zippers and snaps, small pieces of paper to tape together, Part of connection is also disconnection. Kids working on this schema have the urge to knock over towers even if they didn't build the tower. 

Trajectory

This was definitely my son's schema. When he first became mobile, he didn't crawl. He sat on his bottom and swung his legs from side to side to scoot himself across the floor. Our joke was that he didn't crawl because he wouldn't have been able to hold a ball in each hand. He would throw one of the balls and then scoot after the ball. Kids working on this schema enjoy throwing things, kicking balls and dropping things. Have various items, like scarves, balls, bean bags or balloons, for your child to explore. Your child may also enjoy chasing bubbles, splatter painting or bowling. Now is a good time to put away breakable items and make sure you have plenty of soft balls available. 

Rotation

Kids who have the urge to spin around or watch wheels on toy cars/trains move enjoy rotation. Involve your child in the kitchen by letting them stir ingredients, whisk eggs, and use a salad spinner to dry vegetables. Kids will also enjoy playing on a merry go round, spinning on chairs and drawing circles. Parents will want to child proof items that have knobs. These kids also like to remove lids from containers so make sure that dangerous items are out of reach. 

Transforming 

This urge is all about mixing things together. Your child may like to mix their food together. Kids will also enjoy mixing paints and getting things wet and letting them dry. Make sensory bottles so your child can watch items mix together. Have your child help you in the kitchen by mixing together ingredients for items like cookies or muffins. The obvious challenge to this schema is the mess. Parents can give their child small amounts of paints to mix on a plate or bowl. 

Transporting 

Does your child like to move things from place to place? If so, they are working on the transporting schema. Kids will enjoy gathering items to put into baskets and moving toys like boats in the bathtub. Now is a great time to introduce some easy chores like clearing unbreakable dishes from the table or helping load clothes into the washer and dryer. These kids will enjoy being sent on errands to put things away or bring you things. Have lots of containers your child can use to move items around. Parents may find it helpful to have fewer toys available to help minimize mess. 

Enclosure & Enveloping

If your child enjoys building forts, hiding, putting toys in boxes or hiding them in containers or under things like sand, then they are working on enclosure skills. Parents can support these skills by playing hide and seek, giving your child different size boxes to play with, and playing in the sand with shovels. Keep essential items, like keys, out of reach your child since they like to hide things. 

Here are a few take aways for parents to remember. Children can become hyper focused on a particular schema leading them repeatedly play the same way. This can become frustrating and tiring for parents. The key thing to remember is your child is building their brain. They are growing their understanding of the world by exploring again and again. Find ways to engage your child in a particular schema while finding ways to minimize frustration for you! And most importantly enjoy watching and playing with your child!