Sour Patch Kids

You know that delicious candy that is sour on the outside and sweet on the inside?  Well, I heard this phrase used in one of the toddler classes this week.  A mom was describing her toddler and shared the term "Sour Patch Kids" in reference to a recent "meltdown".  "She's kind of like a sour patch kid...a little bit sour on the outside at first, but then sweet in the middle".  First I laughed out loud, then realized how insanely accurate this phrase is!  Isn't it difficult when we can't predict what we're going to get from our kiddos?  In one moment, they're sour.  In the next moment, sweet.  Talk about mixed messages.  I have a headache just thinking about it.

I think the phrase resonated with me so much because it perfectly describes what professionals in the field of Family Education call "Emotional Intelligence"...also called "EQ" (think IQ for feelings). According to the website Psychology Today , the following is the definition of Emotional Intelligence:

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include three skills: 

1. Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others;
2. The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving;
3. The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.

Just as our children are developing physically and cognitively, they're also developing socially and emotionally.  Our job as their parents is to help our children become aware of their emotions so they can identify them, use them in healthy ways like problem solving, and regulate them.  It sounds exhausting, doesn't it? 

Just to add fuel to the fire, if you've been around ECFE for any length of time, you've heard ALL about temperament.  Maybe you could teach the topic by now.  One of the nine traits of temperament is "INTENSITY" and it's in all caps for a reason!  Intense children...wait for it...may need extra help sorting through and making sense of their feelings.   The strength of their emotional response is stronger (and maybe louder) than their less intense counterparts.  If their parent is at all intense, that only adds to the fun of the feelings party.  See?  Sour Patch Kids. 

By now, if you can relate to this at all, you're wondering what in the world you are supposed to do with this information.  Thankfully, there are some things that you can do to transform the sour into sweet.  You can observe your child's behavior and name their feelings for them.  Feelings can be very confusing for a young child and giving a name to the strong reaction that they're having can be helpful to them.  Become a "soft place to land" for them.  Help them to feel safe with you, no matter the strength of their reaction.  Offer hugs and reassurance.  Accept that this lovingly, sour, sweet, gift is yours and their intensity will serve them well later in life if you can help them make sense of feelings now.  They may need to stand up for a friend who's being bullied at school or make their voice heard in a tough discussion at work.  When that happens, intensity is a strength!  (If you would like to read a great parenting article on this topic, click here.)

In the meantime, give yourself a break, talk with a friend who also has a sour patch kid, and know that as they grow their Emotional Intelligence, the outbursts will happen less frequently.  In the middle, your child is sweet, loving, kind, and working hard on understanding feelings.

Also, come to ECFE.  We LOVE Sour Patch Kids!

Parent and Child Separation: Surviving and Thriving in ECFE Classes

Greetings!

Your ECFE Teachers and Paraprofessionals have been hard at work the last couple of weeks preparing for your arrival in our Fall 2016 classes!  We have been attending professional development sessions, setting goals for the academic year, writing lesson plans, and preparing classroom space.  We are more than excited to meet all of you and get the year started!

Many of our families are returning after a long summer of missing the social interaction that comes at ECFE.  They are checking off the days until classes start, anxiously awaiting the chance to meet new friends and reconnect with old ones, and are feeling more than ready to separate from their children.  Other families may be coming to ECFE for the very first time, feeling a little bit anxious about joining a class with teachers they haven't met yet where separation is encouraged.  They may be thinking "I'm leaving my child with WHO?!!!"

Every parents' comfort level with separation is different.  We all fall somewhere on a spectrum between 1 and 10 with 1 being "I really don't want to separate...I hope it's not for too long" and 10 being "SIGN ME UP!!!!!!  Do we really have to go back at all?"  There really isn't a right or wrong way to feel.  It's very typical to not want to leave your baby or child and to feel uneasy about being apart, especially if you've never separated before.  It's also more than ok to DESIRE to separate from your child.  You aren't a "bad parent" if you enjoy your time connecting with other parents apart from your children, discussing pertinent topics, while NOT doing the laundry, NOT cleaning a potty, and NOT viewing the latest temper tantrum. 

This post is intended to explain where our program stands on separating classes, offer helpful information about what to expect when you come to class, and to ease your mind about this complex issue.  Separating from your child can pave the way for many benefits in your life and the life of your child.

The following is how we view the dance of separation here in District 833 ECFE:

"It is our intent not to let any child stay in distress when separating.  Staff will work with you and your child to help the separations and time apart go smoothly. Your input is greatly valued and appreciated.  We understand that every child is unique and when a child experiences difficulty in separating, it is typically related to a developmental stage or their unique temperament. It is our intention is to meet their unique needs in this new learning opportunity.  Separation is a learning opportunity for children where they begin to develop trusting relationships with other caring adults.  We want to support every child and caregiver through this new experience."

This means that our staff will connect with you to help ease any concerns you may have.  We will do our very best to gather information from you about your child to understand his or her unique needs and utilize strategies that allow for smooth transitions.  We view every child as a unique and treasured gift.  We are honored that you are choosing to trust us to provide the best care and educational opportunities for your little one.  We do not take this responsibility lightly.

These are the things that you can expect during the first week of classes:

• Most (if not all) of the classes for our youngest friends (think infants and toddlers) will not separate at all the first week.  The first week of class is an opportunity for you and your child to explore the space, become comfortable with our staff, and get to know your classmates. 
• You will be given a separation questionnaire to fill out and bring back the second week.  This will give you an opportunity to teach us all about your child, his or her unique needs, and their experience with past separation.  These questionnaires are extremely helpful for your child's teacher and paraprofessionals to offer you and your child the best possible experience with ECFE.
• Soothing transitional objects are not only welcomed but ENCOURAGED in our classrooms.  If your child has a pacifier, a special blanket, or a stuffed animal, please plan on bringing it to class.  These items often ease the transition of separation.  You may also bring a sippy cup labeled with your child's name if you'd like.
• We will begin separating during the second week of classes, but will work with you to develop a plan for separation that you are comfortable with. 
• When it's time to separate, you will be asked to say goodbye to your child.  This can be sad for parents because the child may cry, but it helps them build trust that you always return.  If they turn around and you've disappeared, they may fear that you could disappear at anytime.  Our goal is to increase trust between child and parent through separation. 
• If a child is inconsolable after a few minutes...max of 10 minutes, the parent will be called back and will stay in the classroom for the rest of the day, no matter the age of the child.
• You will receive much more information on separation during your first class!  Some classes separate for the first part of class and some separate for the last part of class.  You will walk away after the first week with all the tools you need for healthy separation. 
• Additionally, some classes may separate right away the first week, but that is usually practiced in classes older than toddlers.  Your teachers will communicate with you what you can expect.

We can't wait to meet you and your child!  Please feel free to direct any questions you may have to your child's teacher or in the comment section of this blog.

Thanks!