It has been said and said again and again but 2020 has been a hard year! Families, parents, really everyone, is overwhelmed by working from home, school moving from hybrid to distance learning, and more. I think one of the biggest things overwhelming families right now is distance and disconnection. Despite being connected to devices more than ever families are disconnected from extended family and friends. This lack of connection is weighing on all of us. So I thought it was time to think about ways to start building connection. What if instead of focusing on the connections I am missing, I focused on intentionally building connection within my own home. And I hope you will join me!
I know right now you might be thinking, "Ugh! I don't have time or energy for one more thing!" Don't worry and don't give up! I promise the ideas I share are going to be simple, easy things that only require you to set the intention to jump start building stronger connections in your family. So let's get started with 10 simple things you can do:
- Say good morning. I mean really say good morning, not just in passing. Get your child or partner's attention, touch their shoulder, look them in the eye or better yet give them a big hug and greet them with a genuine good morning to start their day. Making this connection first thing in the morning is a great way to set the tone for the day.
- Use bedtime to connect. I know many of you have already established bedtime routines for your children. Take a minute and consider whether or not these bedtime routines are something you do just to get done or are they a time when you connect at the end of the day. Trust me I know that there were plenty of days when I just wanted my kids to go to bed but I also know that the times that I tried to rush through bedtime were often the times when my kids had the hardest times going to sleep. Try slowing down and truly enjoying this time. Cuddle with your child, read a story, ask them to tell you something about their day and listen, tell them something about them that you appreciated during the day.
- Enjoy family meals. Research tells us that family meals are extremely beneficial to kids. Kids who have regular family meals do better in school, are less likely to participate in risky behaviors, develop healthy eating habits and more. This is because family meals are a great place for kids to feel connected and cared for. So set aside your phone and other devices, turn off the tv and enjoy some time with your family. Check out these easy conversation starters to build connection during your meals. Remember family meals can be any meal during the day that works for you.
- Find ways to say yes more. I can think of many times when my kids asked me for something or to do something and without really thinking about it I simply said No for no particular reason. I would be left wondering why I said no and usually my kids weren't too happy. So I am going to encourage you to check yourself. Resist the urge to give an automatic no and ask yourself why do you want to say no. And look for ways to say Yes instead.
- Plan a family fun activity. Do something fun together as a family. This doesn't have to be a big complicated, expensive activity. It could be as simple as a family movie night, a walk or playing a game together. You could also check out our new monthly Family Fun-LIVE event on the South Washington County Schools Early Learning Facebook page. On the third Wednesday of the month we will be hosting a special themed activity for families to do together.This month's activity is Upcycled Art. Collect up some things from your recycling bin, grab some tape, glue and scissors and join us to see what you and your child can create together on Wednesday, December 16th from 6-6:30 pm.
- Find delight in your child. Give your child your undivided attention for 5 to 10 minutes each day. Set down your phone, stop whatever you are working on and look them in the eye and truly listen to and watch what they are saying and doing. What better way to build connection than to let them see how delighted you are to see them?
- Share a hug. Physical affection is important. Hugs lower our stress levels, boosts our immune system, calms our heart rate, and can make us happier. Family therapist Virginia Satir once said, "We need four hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs hugs a day for growth." Are you getting enough hugs?
- Let your child feel their feelings. Kids have BIG feelings. As parents we often try to minimize these feelings to try and stop the inevitable meltdowns that happen. I don't know about you but I have found that when I try to minimize or stop my kids' feelings the meltdown is so much worse. So instead try building a connection. Offer a hug. Sit close by while your child meltdowns. This doesn't mean you allow your child to be destructive or hurt themselves or others. Instead stay close and let them know you there when they are ready to talk.
- Engage in roughhouse play. Wrestle with your child. Chase and catch them. Tickle them. All of these different types of roughhouse play build a connection with your child. And also happen to build your child's brain! How cool is that? The key to roughhouse play is make sure everyone knows the boundaries. Talk about consent and that if someone says stop, the play stops immediately.
- Spread the love. We often tell our children that we love them. But how often do you tell them specifically what we love about them? Share this with your child. Be as specific as possible. This also is a great idea to try with your partner too!
So let's end this crazy year on a high note and build connection with the people we love most in this world. Remember you don't have to try these all at once. Choose one each day and focus on that particular connection builder. I hope that you find, like I have, that these simple steps can help you feel more connected despite the isolation and disconnection we have been faced with this year.
