Winter Family Fun

Winter has arrived and with it many parents are left wondering what to do to keep their little ones entertained. Let's face it, living here in Minnesota winter is long, cold and snowy. It seems that by the time January rolls around everyone is getting a little stir crazy. At the start of winter, I ask parents in all of my classes to share ideas of places to go and things to do, both outside and inside, with their young children. Then I create a master list to share with families. I thought that this year I would share some of the highlights from that list with all of you. 

Indoor Fun

1. Play with Shaving Cream-Spray a small pile of shaving cream on your table or in a larger container. Be sure to use the foam not the gel. Give your child tools like popsicle sticks, spoons or toy cars and let them play! 
2. Dollar Store Bin or Drawer-Keep a bin filled with easy to do craft items/supplies that you can get at the dollar store or dollar section. Let your child pick an activity to do. An alternative to this is have a Dollar Store Day. Take your child to the dollar store or section. Give them a set amount of money, maybe $5 and let them pick out crafts or toys to play with. 
3. Recycled play-keep cardboard boxes, plastic bottles and lids. Combine these things with tape/glue and let your child's imagination soar. 
4. Painter's Tape Fun-Check out this great list of over 40 painters tape games and crafts.
5. Have a Dance Party-Turn on your favorite tunes and dance with your kids. This has the added benefit of be a great workout too!
6. Have an indoor picnic
7. Make Playdough-Give your child a variety of tools, rolling pin, cookie cutters, popsicle sticks, blocks, etc. Playdough is also a great item for kids to practice using safety scissors.  

Outdoor Fun

1. Build Snow Castles-Use different sizes and shapes of containers, buckets or pails and build snow castles instead of sand castles. This can be done indoors as well by bringing a large container of snow inside. 
2. Snow Painting-Add food coloring or washable paint to water in spray or squirt bottles and let your little artist paint the snow. 
3. Go sledding and/or ice skating. For safety be sure to have your child wear a helmet for both of these activities. 
4. Read the book Snowballs by Lois Ehlert. Collect items around your house to help you build a snowman.
5. Visit one of the many Nature Centers in the Twin Cities area.

 Other Fun Ideas

1. Night at the Children's Museum-Join other families from South Washington County Schools Early Learning Program at the Children's Museum on Thursday, January 23rd from 5:30 to 8pm. The cost is $5 per person. Click HERE to register!
2. Check out one of our Drop-In Play Times
3. Pajama Story Time-Join us at our Central Park location on February 5th from 6-7 for a special story time with Washington County Libraries. This is a free event. No registration need. 

I hope that this list gets you started on creating winter family fun with your child. Think about your own childhood. What were some of your favorite winter activities? Share these activities with your child.

Attitude of Gratitude

I recently had a memory pop up on a certain social media site that got me thinking about gratitude. I had had a tough day with my kids and decided to write out one thing I was thankful for about each of my kids from the day. My hope was that by focusing on what I was thankful for at night, I would be able to reset my mindset for the next day.  And here's the thing, it worked. I remember waking up being excited to get on with my day instead of worrying if it was going to be another tough day.

Research supports this practice. People who express gratitude experience higher levels of happiness. According to Harvard Medical School Healthbeat, showing gratitude benefits people by increasing positive emotions, higher levels of enjoyment for good experiences, better at handling adversity, improved health and build stronger relationships.

In parenthood it can be easy to get bogged down by the day to day. Whether it is managing a balance between work and family life, dealing with toddler tantrums, sleep deprivation, making meals that everyone will eat, or coordinating everyone's schedules, parents can become overwhelmed. We can fall into the trap of focusing on all the hard things about being a parent.

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I thought I would share with you a few of the things that I am grateful for and some ways to incorporate gratitude into your daily life.

• Write a Thank You Note-Thank you notes are a great way to build strong relationships with another person by expressing your gratitude for something they have done for you or their part in your life. Writing thank you notes also increases your happiness. So here's my thank you note to you: Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I appreciate being able to share my knowledge and hope that what I write has a positive impact on you. 
• Count your blessings-Set aside some time each week to focus on the blessings you have in your life. Write down a list of maybe 3 to 5 things each week that you feel are blessings in your life. Be specific and think about how these blessings make you feel. Check out my three blessings for this past week. 
• My oldest daughter volunteered to stay up late and pick her sister up following a hockey game since I was feeling under the weather. It was so nice to be able to go to bed early. I woke up the next morning feeling so much better. 
• My husband planned date night for us. We enjoyed dinner, dessert and had time to catch up with one another since he was gone for work most of the week. 
• My amazing co-workers who were willing to roll with it when I was out sick one day and wasn't able to find a sub. Knowing that my teaching team would be able to make it work without me there gave me peace of mind. 
• Meditate-Practicing meditation allows you to focus on the present moment. Practice focusing on something you are grateful for. This might be the sun shining through your window or the smell of your morning coffee as you focus on breathing in the aroma. 
• Say thank you-Make sure you say thank you to those around you. Thank the cashier, the server at the restaurant, receptionist at the doctors office. Just saying thank you not only makes you feel better but also the recipient.  

Another benefit to practicing gratitude is that you are modeling it for your child. One of the ways children learn how to be grateful by seeing us be grateful. Take time each day to thank your child for things they do and encourage them to start saying thank you too. 

It's Scary!!

Ghost, Witches and Ghouls, Oh My! This time year can present many opportunities for young children to be exposed to scary things even if your family doesn't participate in the upcoming Halloween holiday.

It doesn't take much. Your child might see a scary decoration during simple trip to the store or a walk around the neighborhood. When my son was younger, about 2 years old, he saw a scary monster statue in the store as we walked past the Halloween section. From that point on, we had to strategically navigate through the store to avoid that area. He would say, "No monsters!" every time we went to the store. So now seems like a good time to take a closer look at childhood fears and how we can help our kids deal with these fears. 

It is normal for young children to develop fears. Even kids as young as 8 months can start to show fearful responses to strangers. Young toddlers recognize fearful responses in their caregivers and will move closer to them. Children, age 2 to 5, can start to develop typical fears, like being afraid of the dark, monsters or animals. It is also important to remember that kids don't start recognizing the difference between fantasy and reality until between ages 3 to 5. 

Parents can help kids navigate their fears in a number of ways: 

1. Sometimes parents are surprised by their child's fear or think the fear is silly. When your child is afraid, reassure them and let them know they are safe no matter what.
2. Label your child's fear. "That dog barked loudly and it scared you."
3. Find ways to empower your child with tools to help them. If your child is afraid of the dark, let them choose if they want to have a lamp left on in the room or the door open with a light left on in the hall. 
4. Prepare your child ahead of time if you know they might encounter something that will scare them. You might talk with your child about kids being dressed in costumes if you are going to a Halloween party.  

Here are somethings to avoid when helping your child navigate their fears. 

1. Try not to laugh at your child's fear, even if you think it is silly. 
2. Don't tell your child not to be afraid or that something isn't scary. It is scary to them even if we don't think it is scary. 
3. It can be tempting to force our children to brave when they are afraid. Take baby steps to help them overcome their fear. If they are afraid of a dog, try asking your child if they would like to wave at the dog or pet the dog while you hold them. 

Childhood fears can be tricky to navigate. Just remember that you are your child's safe place. They need to be able to lean on you when they are afraid. 

It's More than Play

Do you have a climber? Or a kiddo who likes to hang upside down? Does your child like to line up their toys? Or throw things? For parents, these repeated patterns of play may leave you wondering why your child likes to play this way. And unfortunately, sometimes these patterns of play can be misinterpreted as mischief or naughtiness. 

So let's take a look at what these patterns of play really are. These are called schemas. Schemas are basically urges that kids have that show up in their play. These urges are natural, necessary and not something kids can control. Here's the thing about these urges, kids are actually building their brain through these repeated behaviors. Understanding these schemas can help parents understand their child's behavior and support their development. It can also help parent redirect them when necessary. 

Orientation

Kids who enjoy hanging upside down or climbing are building their orientation schema. This kind of play helps kids understand things from different points of view. Kids have to have the opportunity to view things from different heights and be upside down to build this understanding of orientation. Parents can give their child safe opportunities to climb and hang. Go to the playground. Allow your child to climb trees. Children will also enjoy using binoculars, telescopes or magnify glass. Kids may also enjoy exploring reflections using unbreakable hand held mirrors. The challenge of this schema is safety. Use redirection like, "you can't climb on this, but you can climb on this" or "this isn't a safe place to climb, we will go outside after lunch and you can climb."

Positioning

In our early childhood classrooms, we often see kids who like to line up toys. It might be cars or animals or even blocks. Some of us still carry this schema with us into adulthood. Some of us might organize our spice rack alphabetically or have our pencils lined up on our desk. Parents can help children build their understanding of positioning by providing groupings of similar toys (i.e., cars or animals) that their child can line up. Ask you child questions about how they are positioning their toys. The hard part of this schema is child can become very upset when their order is disrupted by someone. As parents we need to help them learn to manage their feelings when this happens. 

Connection 

Kids who are building their connection schema enjoy playing with toys like Legos or putting beads on a string or connecting train tracks together. Some other activities to offer your child are puzzles, opportunity to practice with buttons, zippers and snaps, small pieces of paper to tape together, Part of connection is also disconnection. Kids working on this schema have the urge to knock over towers even if they didn't build the tower. 

Trajectory

This was definitely my son's schema. When he first became mobile, he didn't crawl. He sat on his bottom and swung his legs from side to side to scoot himself across the floor. Our joke was that he didn't crawl because he wouldn't have been able to hold a ball in each hand. He would throw one of the balls and then scoot after the ball. Kids working on this schema enjoy throwing things, kicking balls and dropping things. Have various items, like scarves, balls, bean bags or balloons, for your child to explore. Your child may also enjoy chasing bubbles, splatter painting or bowling. Now is a good time to put away breakable items and make sure you have plenty of soft balls available. 

Rotation

Kids who have the urge to spin around or watch wheels on toy cars/trains move enjoy rotation. Involve your child in the kitchen by letting them stir ingredients, whisk eggs, and use a salad spinner to dry vegetables. Kids will also enjoy playing on a merry go round, spinning on chairs and drawing circles. Parents will want to child proof items that have knobs. These kids also like to remove lids from containers so make sure that dangerous items are out of reach. 

Transforming 

This urge is all about mixing things together. Your child may like to mix their food together. Kids will also enjoy mixing paints and getting things wet and letting them dry. Make sensory bottles so your child can watch items mix together. Have your child help you in the kitchen by mixing together ingredients for items like cookies or muffins. The obvious challenge to this schema is the mess. Parents can give their child small amounts of paints to mix on a plate or bowl. 

Transporting 

Does your child like to move things from place to place? If so, they are working on the transporting schema. Kids will enjoy gathering items to put into baskets and moving toys like boats in the bathtub. Now is a great time to introduce some easy chores like clearing unbreakable dishes from the table or helping load clothes into the washer and dryer. These kids will enjoy being sent on errands to put things away or bring you things. Have lots of containers your child can use to move items around. Parents may find it helpful to have fewer toys available to help minimize mess. 

Enclosure & Enveloping

If your child enjoys building forts, hiding, putting toys in boxes or hiding them in containers or under things like sand, then they are working on enclosure skills. Parents can support these skills by playing hide and seek, giving your child different size boxes to play with, and playing in the sand with shovels. Keep essential items, like keys, out of reach your child since they like to hide things. 

Here are a few take aways for parents to remember. Children can become hyper focused on a particular schema leading them repeatedly play the same way. This can become frustrating and tiring for parents. The key thing to remember is your child is building their brain. They are growing their understanding of the world by exploring again and again. Find ways to engage your child in a particular schema while finding ways to minimize frustration for you! And most importantly enjoy watching and playing with your child!

Burnout is Real

I am going to be really honest here. I am stressed. The past month and half at my house has been crazy busy. My kids have returned to school which means adjusting to a new schedule and the return of homework. The start of school also means I am back at work. My husband, who travels for work, has been gone a lot. The fall sports schedule is underway. All this combines to lead to one stressed and overwhelmed mama. 

The thing is I know I am not alone. Parents of kids of all ages feel stressed and overwhelmed. They also don't feel supported. Motherly found in their 2019 State of Motherhood Survey that "51% of moms feel discouraged when it comes to managing the stress of work and motherhood. About one-third of moms said that their mental and physical health is suffering. And 85% of moms said that our society does not do a good job of supporting mothers." 

All I can think is...Eighty-five percent! There is something wrong when 85% of mothers don't feel supported by our society. And I know it is isn't just moms. Dads feel overwhelmed and stressed too. 

So what can we do about this? First, we as parents need to reach out for support. One great place to find this for parents of young children is Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE). ECFE is a parent education program but just as important is the support and connection that we help facilitate between parents. Come join us for a class!

Let's also strive to create a supportive community to surround all parents. When you see a parent of a toddler in the throws of a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store aisle, give that parent a smile. Let them know you have been there. Tell them they've got this. Do you know a parent of a new baby? Maybe make an double batch of dinner and bring the extra over to share. Volunteer to come over and watch your friend's kid so they can take an uninterrupted nap.

Also, let's get real on social media. We need to stop comparing our lives and/or kids to what other people are posting. Recognize that the perfect family picture that someone posts probably took at least a dozen not so perfect attempts. More than like at least one kid cried and one parent yelled! Maybe we can take it a step further. Maybe we could post one or two pictures or stories where we show what real life is like!

And if you are like me, feeling stressed and overwhelmed by trying to balance all of it, don't be afraid to ask for help. I know this is hard but we have to be willing to be vulnerable. We have to be willing to say we aren't perfect and we don't have it all together. If we take this step, and maybe even ask for help, other parents maybe inspired to do the same. 

The Last First Day

The first day of school is here! Maybe you sent your kiddo off to their first day of kindergarten this week. Some of you may be gearing up for the first day of preschool or ECFE next week. Either way, the first day of school often comes with mixed emotions for kids and parents. Many of you may be wondering how your baby can possibly be going into preschool, kindergarten or maybe the last year of elementary school. Maybe, just maybe, there are a few of you out there who are in the same boat as me. This week I sent my oldest baby off to her last first day of school. That's right, somehow she is already a Senior in high school and I am left wondering where the time has gone.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about where the time has gone. And I keep returning to the old adage, "the days are long but the years are short." I know, I know. You've heard this before but when you are in the trenches with your baby or toddler or preschooler you might feel like this stage will never end. But I am here to tell you it will. And more importantly you will miss things from each stage.

Looking back to when my daughter was a 10 month old baby who still woke up 3 times a night and would only go back to sleep if I nursed her, I can remember thinking that I would never sleep through the night again. Eventually, she stopped needing to nurse and learned to fall back to sleep on her own. And even though I was so grateful for the uninterrupted sleep, I missed those quiet moments in the middle of the night when I would snuggle her close in the rocking chair. There was nothing quite as wonderful as those moments when she would fall asleep, sigh and smile contentedly. And even though I was exhausted, I would often sit for just a few extra minutes watching my baby sleep.

Or when she was a preschooler and no one and I mean no one but me understood her when she talked. She happened to have a pretty severe speech articulation delay. We wanted nothing more than for her to be able to speak clearly. After a few months of speech therapy, the missing sounds started to develop and suddenly more and more people could understand her. This was great for her and us. And yet, I missed hearing her say "Taby" or thank you in her language.

I even miss things from the terrible year when she was twelve. Ugh! Twelve was rough. I wasn't sure I was going to survive twelve but I did and she did too. Twelve was the year where she was still a little girl in a lot of ways but she was also fighting to become more independent, more grown up. I miss those moments when she showed her "little girl" like when she still wanted to be read to or tucked into bed or have her dad sing her her song.

This week I hugged my girl and sent her off to the first of many lasts that will happen this year. I celebrated the start of this new milestone and all the exciting things that are yet to come. I also let myself cry, just a little because I know I will miss so many things when she is off to college next year.

So just remember, "the days are long but the years are short." Know that each new stage will bring with it new challenges and things to celebrate but one thing will hold true. You will miss things, things you never thought you would miss, from each stage. So pause and enjoy the stage you are in. Don't wish it away, even the hard parts.

School's Out For Summer

It is hard to believe that the end of the school year is upon us. The school year brought with it a lot of fun and learning for your kids, families and our staff. Now that school is out, many parents are left wondering what they are going to do to keep their kiddos busy, entertained and learning through the summer. Never fear, we are here to share some great resources and ideas with you!

First, let's start with some summer safety tips.

• https://www.cdc.gov/family/kids/summer/index.htm
• http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/summerspotlight/
• http://www.seattlechildrens.org/safety-wellness/safety/summer-safety-tips

At the end of each school year, the parents in my classes help to create a summer fun list. Below you will find several fun places to visit and adventures to go on with your children.

Parks

• Teddy Bear Park-Stillwater
• Pioneer Park-Stillwater
• Chutes & Ladders-Hyland Park Reserve, Bloomington
• Carver Lake Park
• Woodbridge Park-Cottage Grove
• Woodbury Parks Events (Puppet Wagon, Performances, etc)
• https://www.woodburymn.gov/departments/recreation/special_events.php

Water Fun

• Carver Lake Beach
• Splash Pads
• Healtheast Sport Center
• Highland Park in Cottage Grove
• Como Pool
• Waterworks-Battle Creek Park, St. Paul
• Rosebrook Park & Wading Pool-2590 Fry St, Roseville
• Lake Elmo Park Reserve

Out and About

• North St. Paul's Friday Night History Cruzer Car Show
• Little Log House Antique Power Show-Hastings
• Como Zoo
• Minnesota Zoo
• Hemker Zoo
• Berry Picking at Afton Apple Orchard, Pinetree Orchard Berry Farm
• Nature Centers
• Tamarack Nature Center-5287 Otter Lake Rd, White Berry Township
• Maplewood Nature Center-2659 E 7th St., Maplewood
• Carpenter Nature Center-12805 St. Croix Trail S, Hastings
• Dodge Nature Center-365 Marie Ave W, West St. Paul
• Oakdale Discovery Center-4444 Hadley Ave N, Oakdale
• Free Forest School
• Skoolie Bus
• Kids Bowl Free

ECFE/SR Park Playdates

Come join other ECFE/SR families for play time. There are two opportunities each week during the month of June to play and keep connected. 

• Mondays, June 3rd, 10th, 17th & 24th 
• 9:30-11 am at Colby Lake Park in Woodbury, off Valley Creek Rd (behind Valley Crossing School)
• Wednesdays, June 5th, 12th, 19th & 26th
• 9:30-11 am at Woodbridge Park, 9000 90th St. S, Cottage Grove

Have a fun and safe summer. We can't wait to see you again in the fall for ECFE and preschool classes. 

Mindfulness for Parents and Kids

Mindfulness. Over the past few years, I have heard this word over and over again, especially in regards to education. The more I heard about it the more curious I became. So this year, one of my wonderful fellow ECFE teachers and I set out to learn more about mindfulness and see if we could teach parents and young kids mindfulness techniques. Here is what we learned.

Mindfulness is not some mystical thing. It is actually an innate ability that all of us have, even young children. Mindfulness defined in the simplest ways is the ability to pay attention to what is happening around and within you with nonjudgment and acceptance.  This short video does a great job of explaining just what mindfulness is. The narrator states "the proposition here is not that you should be rendered into some lifeless nonjudgmental blob. The proposition is that you should learn how to respond wisely to things that happen to you rather than just reacting blinding." Practicing mindfulness is a way to accomplish this.

While mindfulness is an innate ability that we all have, it is also something that needs to be practiced. We can practice mindfulness in a variety of ways. Meditation is one way we can practice mindfulness. If you are anything like me, the word meditation is a bit of a turn off. I always thought of meditation as having to sit for a long time and keep my mind blank. I have since learned that meditation is really just paying attention to one thing like your breath and then noticing when your attention has shifted and refocusing on your breath. Meditation can be done for any amount of time, even just a minute or two. Other types of mindfulness practices include yoga and calming techniques.

Kids are uniquely suited to mindfulness. Children, for the most part, live in the moment. They experience each moment fully. I recently watch a little girl with her mom move from puddle to puddle in a parking lot. She jumped joyfully in each puddle without any concern for rushing or moving to the next puddle. She wasn't paying attention to anything else but the puddle she was currently enjoying. This is mindfulness.

Mindfulness also wires our kids' brains for self-regulation. Studies using MRI imaging show that the regular practice of mindfulness grows and changes the brain in positive ways. Areas of the brain that are positively impacted include areas responsible for impulse control, decision making, emotional regulation, integration of emotions and thoughts, learning and memory. Mindfulness also helps to quiet down the part of the brain where our fight, flight or freeze response occurs. Practicing mindfulness helps us have a more accurate representation of danger, reduces stress and allows us to respond instead of react to what is going on around us.

The most exciting part of this quest to learn about mindfulness was watching the two-year-olds in our class not only participate in mindfulness activities but use them at other times on their own. We taught the parents and kids several mindfulness techniques including:

• Smell the Flower, Blow out the Candle-Hold up your hand and say smell the flower. Have your child take a deep breath in through their nose. Then tell your child to blow out the candle. Have your child to slowly blow out your candle. Lower that finger. Repeat until your child has done this for each of your five fingers. 
• Drive the Train- Hold up five fingers. Place your pointer finger (the train) on your other hand at the base of your thumb. Inhale through your nose while driving the train up the hill. Exhale as you drive the train down the hill. Repeat for all five fingers, moving your finger up and down each one. 
• Volcano Breath-Fold your hands in front of your chest. Inhale through your nose. Exhale while raising your arms up and out from your body. 
• Animal Ride-Have your child lie on their back. Place a stuffed animal on their tummy. Tell them to breathe slowly in and out to give the animal a ride. Another idea is to have your child watch you do this. Notice how they respond. I bet they will calm and be relaxed. This is another great benefit of mindfulness. When parents practice mindfulness, the benefits trickle down to their kids. 
• Yoga-Check out Comsic Kids Yoga and Kids Yoga Stories to practice yoga with your children. 
• Sensory Bottles-Fill a plastic bottle with colored water and glitter. Use a hot glue gun or super glue to glue the lid on the bottle. Then shake the bottle up and watch the glitter calm and settle to the bottom of the bottle. 

We practiced all of these different mindfulness techniques with the parents and kids in our twos class. Parents reported that their kids would use these different techniques at home when they were upset. One mom shared that she was getting upset and her two-year-old held up her finger and told her to blow her candle. Other parents shared that when their children were frustrated or sad they would sit down and start taking deep breaths all on their own. The kids had practiced these skills at school when they were already calm so understood they could help them feel calm. This is a key component to practicing mindfulness with children. Make it part of the routine and then they can extend it to other parts of their lives. 

Since we learned mindfulness trickles down from parents to kids, we wanted to teach parents a few mindfulness techniques for them to use. 

• Breathe in Breathe out-Breathe in through your nose for a count of 3. Exhale out of your mouth for a count of 6. 
• 3 X 3-Choose three objects that you can touch or see. List each object by saying "This is a ____." Take a deep breath and exhale following each item. Remember not to place any value or judgement on the items. 
• STOP-This stands for Stop, Take a breath, Observe, then Proceed. This mindfulness technique gives you a moment to pause before you respond to what your child is doing. It takes just a few seconds and helps prevent us from blindly reacting to what is happening. 

So, what do you think? Can you find a time to fit a little mindfulness into yours and your child's daily routine? 

CarTalk

Are we there yet? Can I watch a show? He's touching me!!! If any of this sounds familiar, you have probably spent some time in the car with small children. Whether it is taking a family road trip or just driving around town running errands or going to activities, families spend a lot of time in their cars. 

Car rides, short or long, can lead to headaches for parents and boredom for children. Keep reading to learn some ideas to make car rides meaningful time for parents and kids. 

• Tell a Story-Presohool aged kids and up are the perfect age for this fun game. One person starts telling a story. Then the next person adds to the story. This continues until everyone has had a chance to add to the story and the first person gets to tell the ending of the story. 
• What am I thinking of?-Our family started playing this game when our kids were just preschoolers. One person would think of an animal, person or place. Other people in the car would ask questions like, "Is it big or little?" "What color is it?" "Where does it live?" Continue asking questions until someone is able to guess what I am thinking of. 
• I Spy-Even young toddlers can play variations of I Spy. In the original version of I Spy, one person chooses something they see and says "I spy with my little eye something that is ____." The other people take turn trying to guess the item. Younger children can play this too by saying "I spy a stop sign." Everyone looks for a stop sign. When someone sees a stop sign, they say "I spy a stop sign."
• Audio Books-Listening to books on tape can be a fun way to pass a car ride. Did you know you can check out audio books from the Washington County Library?
• Car Bingo-A simple google search can lead you to many free printable car bingo games. Click here for one example. 
• The Alphabet Game-Choose a category like fruit or animals, etc. Then take turns thinking of something that starts with each letter of the alphabet for that category. 
• The Quiet Game-Everyone in the car has to stay quiet. First one to talk loses! Passing out a round of snacks can help make this game a success. This was always my favorite car game!
• Sing-a-long-Pick yours and your kids' favorite songs for everyone to sing. This is a great time to pull out some of the songs you have learned here at ECFE. 

The car is also a great place to just have conversations with your child(ren). The car can be a great place to hear all about their day at school or daycare. Just don't ask "How was school?" Instead, check out this list of alternative questions to get your child talking. 

So the next time you buckle up with your kids in the car, try out one of these fun car games to make your drive better for all of you! 

And vs. But

And & But...Two tiny yet powerful words. One is used to create connection while the other can discount another person's experience or feelings.

As parents, you have probably heard that we should label our children's emotions. Labeling our children's emotions teaches them how to identify their emotions and emotions in others. It is also a great way to show empathy to our children. Here is where the word but comes into play. As parents we often say things like, "You are sad but we need to leave the park" or "I'm sorry you are frustrated but you can't throw toys" or "I'm sorry I yelled at you but you didn't listen." What does the word but do in each of these examples? How do you feel when people say things like this to you? The word but essential discounts the first part of the message. It says that how the other person feels isn't important. If part of our goal in labeling our children's emotions is to show empathy, using the word but defeats this purpose.

So that brings us to the word and. How is the using the word and different from saying but? Using the word and allows us to be kind and firm. We can show empathy and set a limit while creating a connection with our child. In the book, Positive Discipline: The first three years, the authors discuss different ways you can use kind and firm statements.

• Validate feelings: "I know it is hard to turn off the tv and it is time to go outside."
• Show understanding: "You want to keep playing instead of going to bed, and it is bedtime."
• Redirect behavior: "You don't want to put your coat on, and I don't want you to get cold. Let's race to see who can put their coat on fastest"
• Provide a choice: You don't want to go to bed, and it is bedtime. Should I pick the book or do you want to pick?"
• Offer a choice and then follow through by deciding what you will do: "You want to run around the store, and that is not safe. You can stay by me or go in the stroller until you are ready to walk."

Now I am not suggesting that using the word and vs but is going to be a magic wand. It doesn't mean that your child won't get upset and fight against the limit that you set. However, using the word and allows us to show empathy and set limits for our children without discounting their feelings or experiences. It helps us stay in the authoritative style of parenting. This style is often referred to as the Kind and Firm parenting style. This style of parenting is considered to be the most effective style. We want to spend as much time practicing kind and firm parenting as possible. 

Teaching Impulse Control

What is impulse control?

Impulse control is the mental brakes for our behavior. It is the ability to stop ourselves from doing something that we shouldn't. Impulse control is what stops us from eating an entire batch of cookies!

Most parents can probably think of an example of when they watched their child do something impulsive. Maybe it is when they react by hitting their sibling for grabbing a toy or having a tantrum or dumping out a bucket of toys even though you have told them not over and over again. Impulse control is developmental. Just like walking, talking and potty training, children must be physically ready to develop this skill. Unfortunately, we often expect children to have impulse control before they are ready. In their Tuning In Survey, Zero to Three found that 56% of parents believe children have the impulse control to resist the desire to do something forbidden before the age of three. Of these parents, 36% believe that children have this ability before the age of two. Brain research tells us that children start developing these skills around 3 1/2 to 4 years of age. It also takes many years of practice for them to use them consistently. 

Why is impulse control important?

Children who lack impulse control can be hard to handle. They often react instead of thinking through their actions. They may have frequent meltdowns and have trouble taking turns. Once these kids start school, they are often the one who blurts out answers, have trouble focusing and staying on task. They are also more likely to be physically aggressive and struggle with social interactions. These kids can have trouble consistently following rules, lack understanding of how their actions have consequences and impact others. So, needless to say, helping children develop impulse control is very important!

How to teach impulse control?

Remember that impulse control is developmental. Kids who are working on learning impulse control aren't going to be perfect at using these skills. Some children will seem to develop impulse control easily, while other kids will need a lot of opportunities to practice impulse control. 

Here are a few fun ways to practice impulse control with your child. 

• Red Light, Green Light-I used this simple game as a way to allow my kids the freedom to move away from me in stores, the neighborhood, or park while keeping them within sight. My kids would wander ahead of me in the store and when I said "Red Light" they would stop and wait for me to catch up and say "Green Light." This game required them to listen, choose to follow directions, control their bodies and do something they probably didn't want to do (stop moving) for a short amount of time. 
• Music and Dancing-A song like The Freeze Song by Greg and Steve is a great example of this but you can use any song. Play the song and dance around with your child. If you are using The Freeze Song, stop moving when the music stops. If you are using a different song, periodically stop the song and freeze. 
• Follow the Leader-You and your child can take turns being the leader. The leader chooses a movement and everyone else follows. Playing this game requires kids to wait their turn to be the leader and follow "directions."
• Simon Says-This is another easy activity that requires kids to listen, move their bodies in a specific, controlled manner and restrain themselves from doing something that Simon doesn't say. To play, one person is Simon. They say things like jump up and down or touch your nose. The other players only do the action if Simon says "Simon says jump up and down." If a player does the action when Simon doesn't say "Simon says" they are out. 
• Freeze Tag-Kids have to freeze or stop moving and then wait for a friend to unfreeze them once they are tagged. 
• Board games-Even easy board games that are designed for younger kids are a good way to practice impulse control. Kids have to wait for their turn, follow directions and regulate their reaction to winning or losing. 

Cash or Credit Card Parenting

When my kids were younger and I was a stay at home mom, my husband and I knew we needed to create a budget to help control our spending and make sure we were saving. We listened to a podcast about making the switch from credit cards to cash as your main form of payment. My husband is a numbers guy so he created a spreadsheet with our monthly salary and all of our set monthly bills deducted from that amount. The money that was left over was divided up between our savings and a weekly cash allowance for our family. We continued this practice for many years and reaped the benefits of it. We were able to save money so when our van broke down we had money set aside to pay for it. We also were able to save for a couple of small family vacations. While the benefits were great, it wasn't always easy to manage our weekly cash allowance. We needed to make sure we had money for groceries, gas, the usual Target run and any entertainment we were doing each week. This meant that, sometimes, I didn't buy that cute shirt I saw at Target, no matter how much I wanted it. It also meant that we had stay on top of cooking at home instead of eating out. Even though it wasn't always easy, it was well worth it in helping us manage our finances.

At this point you are probably wondering, what does this lesson in financial planning have to do with parenting? Well, a very wise Parent Educator who I have worked with uses the analogy of cash or credit card parenting. In other words, we can pay now by doing what is hard as parents or we can pay later by taking the easy route.

A quick and easy example of this when you are at the store with your child and your child is asking for a toy or candy. You say no and your child starts to whine and cry. You say no again so your child kicks it up a notch. At this point you start to get that dreaded feeling that a full on tantrum is on the way. What do you do? Do you continue to say no while showing empathy for your child's disappointment? Or do you avoid the tantrum by grabbing the candy or toy and handing it to your child? Which one is the easy way out for us as parents? Most of parents probably would answer that it is easier to avoid the tantrum.

However, the more important question is what does your child learn for each of these approaches. If we, as parents, take the easy way out, our child has learned that no doesn't mean no. It means you should get more and more upset until you get what you want. The next time they are at the store the same type of situation will most like happen again. More importantly, these kids don't learn how to handle disappointment when they don't get what they want. The reality of life is that as adults we will eventually be told no. We might not get the job we want or the salary we want or afford the car we want. Children who grow up not hearing "no" turn into adults who are unhappy because the world will tell them "no". We might escape the pain of dealing with a tantrum in the moment but we are going to pay for it later in the future. 

If we practice cash parenting, we will probably have to deal with a tantrum in the moment but overtime our children learn valuable lessons. Our kids learn that "no" means "no". More importantly, they can learn how to handle being disappointed by not getting everything that they want. Parents who respond to their child's disappointment with empathy are also modeling empathy to their children. These kids will be more likely to display empathy to others.

So the next time you pull out your parenting wallet, go with cash instead of credit.

I'm Bored

I'm Bored!! If you are the parent of a preschool aged child or older you have probably heard this annoying and dreaded statement at least once. These two annoying little words have the power to drive parents crazy. It is easy for parents to fall into the trap of trying to fill their children's time with activities and entertain them so they won't get bored. In fact, a recent study published in Oxford Academic found parents believed that "children who were bored after school should be enrolled in extracurricular activities, and that parents who were busy should stop their task and draw with their child if asked." The reality is that not only is being bored a fact of life it is actually necessary and valuable!

Take just a moment and think back to your childhood. What did you do when you got bored? How did your parents respond if you told them you were bored? If you grew up anything like me, the response was probably something like "Go find something to do" or "Go play with your sisters." My mom certainly didn't drop everything to entertain me or even help me find something to do. It was my responsibility.

And find something to do we did! Boredom drove my sisters and I to come up with all sorts of creative ways to entertain ourselves. We discovered that magic markers run under hot water was a great way to dye our Barbie Doll's hair. Our Barbie's went through a serious punk rock stage. Boredom drove me to find the tools to take off the training wheels on my little sister's bike and teach her to ride without them. There was only so long I could keep going slow so she could keep up. Endless games of hide and seek, cops and robbers and tag throughout our neighborhood all resulted from us being bored. Boredom also led me to grow my love of reading. I learned that books were a great way to escape boredom. Boredom also led us to discover that we could climb up on top our house by climbing the fence to get on top of the shed and then jump over to the roof. Needless to say, our mom was not so impressed with that plan when she caught us up there!

Boredom is a fact of life. As adults, we are not constantly entertained. We have to sit through meetings or do tasks as part of our jobs that we find tedious. However, we have learned how to endure boredom. It can be short-lived and we will get through it.

Boredom is where curiosity, creativity and innovation happen. Sometimes the most boring tasks allow our minds to wander and discover amazing things. Kids have to be bored in order to learn how to handle boredom. If allowed to they discover how to use our curiosity to create new and innovative ways to entertain themselves. How else would my sisters and I learned we could dye our Barbie's hair?

Research has linked our ability to deal with boredom to self-regulation and the ability to focus. It appears that higher levels of focus and self-regulation help us experience less boredom. When we are bored, those skills allow us to find ways to not be bored.

So the next time your little cherub complains about being bored, try out an old-school approach. Tell them to "find something to do" or "go clean your room." Let them discover that boredom isn't all that bad. They can handle it. And most importantly they can find constructive ways to not be bored.

Picking a Preschool

Picking a preschool can be a daunting task. Fortunately here in Minnesota, preschool isn't as cutthroat as it is in other parts of the country. We don't have to decide before our child is born which preschool they will attend and get them on the waiting list. We do have a lot of choices available to us in our community and that alone can overwhelm parents. Keep reading to for some tips that will hopefully help guide your choice.

The January before my oldest daughter, Emma, turned three, a friend asked if we had decided where she was going to preschool. My first thought was "Preschool?? Why would I need to pick a preschool? She isn't even three yet! Fortunately for us, choosing a preschool was easy. The church we attended had a well respected preschool and because we were members she was guaranteed a spot in the program. So the next fall off my little girl went to her first day of preschool.

Usually the choice isn't quite so easy for most people so it is important to consider the various options available. There are several churches in our community that offer preschool programs. There are also preschool programs at private schools and daycare centers. And of course, South Washington County Schools Early Learning offers preschool programs for both three and four-year-olds. 

My middle daughter, Nolia, attended the district preschool when she was four. One of our favorite parts of the program was a parent-child day. Once a week, I got to go to class with her and participate in activities with her and connect with other families in the class. We continue to offer a class with this option for families that are interested. We also offer several other ways for you to be engaged in your child's preschool experience. For threes, we offer a couple classes that include an optional parent discussion day with childcare provided. Parents of both our threes and fours preschool students can sign up for our Preschool Text to Connect Program. Participants in this program receive weekly text messages with facts about preschooler's social emotional development and easy to implement tips to support that development. We also offer Parent and Child (PAC) nights at least once a year for our preschool classes.

Another important consideration when looking at preschools is the various class options offered. My son, Jonathan, has a fall birthday so started his second year of preschool right around his fifth birthday. Since he was a little older, we looked for a preschool that offered a slightly longer class day. Our Early Learning Preschool program offers a variety of classes including, multi-age classes, an extended day class option for four-year-olds, morning or afternoon classes offered two or three day a week for Threes and five day a week morning or afternoon classes for Fours.

Our children went to a variety of different preschool programs but all of the programs were play based programs. This means that when looking at the daily schedule, most of the time was spent in play. Research has shown time and time again that play is beneficial to children in many ways, including physical development, stronger levels of executive functioning, improved academic performance and better social skills and emotional regulation (AAA State of Play). 

A few other important things to consider when searching for a preschool include: 

• Price-Our Early Learning Preschool program can offer financial assistance to families who qualify. 
• Safety-Is the building secure? What safety procedures are in place at the school?
• Environment-A preschool classroom should feel warm and welcoming without being overwhelming for kids or adults. Also consider whether the children have the opportunity to play outside or in a large motor space. 
• Staff-Are the staff friendly and welcoming? Is there frequent staff turnover or changes? Also, do the teachers have Early Childhood Teaching licenses? Teachers with Early Childhood Teaching Licenses are specially trained in development of young children.

South Washington County Schools Early Learning Preschool program checks these boxes and more. Another benefit to our program is that it is an inclusive program. This provides children  a chance to learn alongside children of all different abilities. Most of our fours preschool classes are offered in our elementary schools. Children have the opportunity to become acquainted with their elementary school a year before they start kindergarten. 

To learn more about our program check out our brochure or attend one of our preschool information nights, Threes preschool program on Monday, Feb. 11th at Valley Crossing or Tuesday, Feb. 12 at the District Program Center and Tuesday, Feb. 19th at your school/location (check school websites for times.) Registration for South Washington County Early Learning Preschool opens February 1st.

Indoor Motor Activities

Winter is in full swing. And while we have had some unseasonably warm weather this week, we know the cold weather will return. Parents of young children sometimes have to get creative when it comes to finding ways to get their kids moving during our long, cold Minnesota winters. Keep reading to get some great ideas for indoor motor activities to help you keep your kids moving all winter long. 

1. Sock Toss

Provide laundry baskets or other containers and let your kids throw folded socks into them. 

2. Painters Tape Fun

Painters tape is great. It is easy to remove and can be stuck to a variety of surfaces, including carpet, tile or wood floors. (Be sure to test a small piece on your floor to make sure it doesn't leave a residue.) Tape different lines on your floor. Some ideas to try are ladder rungs for jumping and zigzag lines for walking or crawling on.

3. Hide and Seek

Instead of traditional hide and seek, try hiding a toy or object and have your child find it. Then let them try and hide the item and you find it. Don't be surprised if they hide it in the same spot as you!

4. Indoor Pool Party

One cold winter day when my kids were probably 2, 4, and 6, they came tromping downstairs from their bedrooms in their swimsuits. I asked them why they had their swimsuits on and was told they were having a pool party as they dashed back downstairs. I followed them downstairs to see just what a pool party in my basement looked like. The kids had laid out all of the blankets in our basement on the floor and a few pillows too. They had folding chairs set up around the outside of the blankets that they could jump off of and into the "pool." My oldest was the lifeguard, complete with a whistle. This was a game that was repeated throughout the winter for many years. 

5. Move Like an Animal

Find a spot in your house that has some open space and get your kids moving their bodies in different ways. 

Hop like a frog.

Fly like a bird. (Run with your arms outstretched.)

Wiggle like a snake. (Wiggle on your tummy on the ground)

Waddle like a penguin.

Walk like a bear. 

Check out this link for more Animal Movement Ideas.

6. Dance Party

Turn on your favorite tunes and have a dance party with your kids. 

7. Indoor Bowling

Save some plastic bottles to set up as bowling pins. Give your child a ball to roll at the pins. 

With some of the ideas above the next cold day doesn't need to be a boring one. Pick one or two of these to try and keep you and your child moving.