The ABCs of Challenging Behavior

Parents of young children can probably create a never ending list of challenging behaviors. Whether it be tantrums or getting out of bed at night or taking toys from other children, the list can go on and on. The challenge for parents is to ask themselves what do these challenging behaviors mean? It is not uncommon for parents to view challenging behavior as naughtiness or frustrating or bad. The point of the post is to hopefully change your parenting mindset around challenging behavior. 

So you might be wondering if challenging behavior isn't naughtiness, what is it? The best way to answer this question is with a short story from my own parenting experience. When my now 13-year-old daughter was a toddler, she would have massive meltdowns. We are talking Mount Vesuvius erupting meltdowns. Once she got going there was no stopping it. We were in for at least 30 minutes of crying and screaming. My husband and I tried a variety of techniques to try and stop these meltdowns, everything from time-outs to taking away toys to having a few parental meltdowns right along with her. Needless to say, none of these punitive approaches to stopping these meltdowns worked. So what did work, you ask. Juice. That's right juice. For some reason, in the midst of an epic no holds barred meltdown, one of us gave her a glass of juice to try and calm her down. That little girl couldn't get the juice into her system fast enough. She slurped it down in great big gulps and instantly felt better. So what did we learn? We learned that she was melting down because of a physical reaction to having low blood sugar. We learned that no form of punishment on the back end of these meltdowns was going to make her stop having meltdowns. We needed to start watching for the signs that she was getting hungry sooner. And more importantly, we needed to teach her to listen to her body and tell us when she was getting hungry or hangry, as we now call it! 

This brings me back to my original question. If challenging behavior isn't naughtiness, what is it? It is communication. Our daughter was communicating to us that she was hungry but wasn't able to tell us this with her words. So take a minute and think about a challenging behavior that your child engages in frequently. Is he grabbing toys from a friend? Is she getting out of bed multiple times at bedtime? What is your child trying to communicate or think of it as what is the reason behind the behavior? A child who grabs toys might not know how to ask for a turn. The preschooler who climbs out of bed repeatedly might be feeling scared or alone. 

It can be difficult to determine what the exact reason behind your child's behavior is. Some common reasons behind challenging behaviors are: 

• Gaining adult attention (positive or negative)
• Acquiring an item or activity
• Avoiding a job, direction, activity or attention. 

An Antecedent-Behavior-Consequence (ABC) chart can be a useful tool for helping you determine what your child is trying to tell you through their behavior. Describe the antecedent or what happened right before the behavior. Describe the behavior. Describe the consequence. Over time, you will begin to notice a pattern. The child who grabs toys away from other kids always does it when other children play with his train set. The child who gets out of bed multiple times stays in bed when mom or dad sits in his room for a few minutes when they put him back to bed. 

Once you have discovered a pattern to the behavior, now it is time to find a way to lessen the occurrence of the behavior. You can find ways to prevent a behavior from happening. Putting away  special toys before play dates. You can teach the child an appropriate way to act. In my daughter's case, we had to teach her how to notice she was getting hungry, stop what she was doing and tell us. Finally, you can reinforce positive behavior and not negative behavior. This can be done through modeling and encouragement. 

So to end this post, I want to leave you with a challenge. Stop viewing challenging behavior as naughtiness or being bad. And start seeing it as a form of communication. Change your parenting mindset!

Meet our Coordinators!

Now some might say that I am a little biased, but I firmly believe that South Washington County Schools has the best Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE), 3’s preschool and 4 year-old PreK program. Families who participate in our programs can see all the hard work and dedication of our teachers and paras. And we love our teachers and paras! Some of the families in our program might not know that we have 3 coordinators who hard behind the scenes to support our teachers and paras and make our programs run as smoothly as possible. So, without further ado, meet our coordinators:

Our newest coordinator is Teri Odegaard. Teri has recently transitioned into the role of PreK coordinator. She has worked with South Washington County Schools ECFE and School Readiness programs for the past 18 years. Thirteen of those years were spent with children and families in ECFE. For the past 5 years, Teri has been a PreK teacher at Liberty Ridge Elementary. Teri got her teaching degree from the University of Wisconsin-Stout. In her new role as PreK coordinator, she will be supporting our 3’s preschool and 4 year-old PreK teachers in the elementary buildings throughout the district. She is looking forward to visiting the classrooms and working collaboratively with our wonderful teachers. Outside of her position here, Teri lives in Wisconsin with her husband, Jeremy, their two daughters, Emily and Megan, and dogs, Zoe and Oscar. Their family enjoys visiting National Parks and have been to 11 out of 52 so far.

Susan Somers began working in the district as a parent educator and early childhood educator in the fall of 2012. She became an ECFE Site & Outreach Coordinator this past August. Susan recently received her Masters Degree in Family Education in August from the University of Minnesota…Go Gophers! In her position as coordinator, her time is split between overseeing ECFE programming at our Central Park location and our Outreach programs (which includes assisting teachers with home visiting, Woodwinds hospital partnership, WIC partnership, early learning connection, young parents, social media and online parent education, and the LEAP program that pairs ECFE with ACCESS/ELL). Susan’s favorite part of her job is personally connecting with families. She loves to watch parents and children get plugged into our fun and supportive learning environment. Helping ECFE grow and reach new families in our community is great, too. Outside of work, Susan is a mom to three sons, Tyson, Nathan and Justin. She also enjoys traveling to see friends, home decorating and DIY projects, and spending time with family.

Kari Deslauriers has been with South Washington County Schools ECFE and School Readiness for 3 years. Within those three years, she has been on the Pyramid Implementation Team and a Pyramid Coach as well as on the Social Emotional Support Team and Site Based Management. Kari loves working and teaming with staff and seeing how their hard work influences the learning of their students and their connections with families. She received her degree in Early Childhood Education and Early Childhood Special Education from the University of Minnesota. As a site coordinator, her main role is to keep the DPC running smoothly every day. That can be everything from ordering supplies, finding substitutes, and tweaking schedules to climbing ladders and small repairs. Kari strives to support teachers by listening to what they need and helping them in anyway that she can. She also enjoys getting into the classrooms to build relationships with students and families. Her favorite part of her job is probably a tie between working with amazing teachers, paras, and administrative team members and seeing smiles of children as they come to school each day! When Kari isn’t at work, she enjoys reading, crafting, taking classes or working in the garden. She also enjoys taking in live music with friends as well as going to theater productions. She has a niece and nephew who she enjoys spending time playing with and watching their sporting events. Kari got married this fall. Congratulations!

So, the next time you are at one of our sites and see Teri, Susan or Kari, please take a minute to thank them for all their hard work. Of course, you can always reach out to them with questions too.