Parenting is hard. It's been said that it's the hardest job you'll ever love. Today, you may feel like you want to throw in the towel and go back to bed. Maybe you've felt that way for a very long time and you're wondering when you're going to feel like yourself again. Maybe you're afraid that your personal struggles are impacting your child. Maybe you're longing for happier days when the sun was shining and your mood felt lighter.
As a mom myself, I can tell you that I've been there. There are days that I'm still there. And at ECFE, you are surrounded by teachers, paraprofessionals, and other parents that have felt exactly the same way. For some reason, though, we feel the need to keep it all together. To look like we've got it all figured out and that parenting is a piece of cake. Why do we do that?
For some, we may feel like parenting should be easier than it is. We look at our new, fresh little one and while we know how much we love him or her, we feel a little bit like it's not what we signed up for. Sleepless nights, constant feeding, and incessant crying bring us to the edge of ourselves. And we allow ourselves to feel shame when we shouldn't, because sometimes it's just hard to have a new baby!
For some, the energy of our busy toddler is exhausting. We get to the end of the day and realize that the toys are 2 feet deep across the living room, the little cherub is fighting sleep for what feels like hours, and your parenting partner isn't due home for a long time. There's no end in sight, or so it seems. And we allow ourselves to feel shame when we shouldn't, because sometimes it's just hard to have a toy-wrecking machine that refuses to sleep and only eats chicken nuggets and cheese.
For some, you've hit the school years and you thought you'd feel better about parenting...that somehow less time with your child would give you some relief...and you find that you spend a good chunk of your day thinking about the challenges that face him or her at school and you're tired. You want the best for your children and you feel like somehow, you're letting them down. And you allow yourself to feel shame when you shouldn't, because sometimes it's just hard to realize that we can't fix every difficulty that our kids encounter.
Hold on, kind and worn out parent. You are seen.
You are seen by the grandparent at the grocery store that offers to help bag your groceries so you can get out of the store more quickly with your crying baby or restless toddler. You are seen by your neighbor that pops over with coffee and doesn't care how dirty your house is. You are seen by your child's school teacher that reassures you that your kiddo is as awesome as you know they are. And you are seen by us...your community at ECFE.
Rest in the safety and kindness that your community provides. Allow yourself to be transparent with at least a few close friends or family members, so you can know that you aren't alone. One of our biggest goals for parents that attend our classes is that you'd feel welcome and supported. Parenting is hard. Finding a source of support is the best gift you can give yourself when the struggle is real.
Release the shame. "Unlike guilt, which is the feeling of doing something wrong, shame is the feeling of being something wrong." ~~Marilyn J. Sorensen. You are the perfect parent for your child. You are exactly what he or she needs. You are enough. We will all make parenting mistakes at one time or another, but that does not define our parenting. It makes us human. Your child will learn far more from your humanness than from your perfection.
Reach out. If you feel like the sadness just won't lift, reach out to your parent educator or your child's teacher. They may have a resource for you that you haven't tried yet. They can point you in the direction that's right for you, and most importantly, they will listen (even when your child doesn't!).
We are here and we are ready to help. Hold on. You are seen and cared for!
Finally, for more on releasing shame and embracing vulnerability, this book is an amazing read about life and parenting. Check it out!
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