Taming Mealtime Madness

It's dinner time. What's happening at your house? I'm sure it looks something like this. Everyone is sitting at the table. Engaged in conversation, using their manners, eating what you made and talking about how delicious dinner is...Oh wait! I'm sorry. I was obviously transported to some sort of 1950's dreamland. If your family is anything like mine when my kids were little, someone has said EWW or GROSS! Someone has spilt their milk. Someone has climbed in and out of their seat 900 times.  And by the time I got to eat my food was cold. In other words, not necessarily a relaxing or enjoyable experience.

It goes without saying that mealtimes can be challenging with young children. There are several reasons for these challenges. Here are just a few:

1. Developmental-Young children can be naturally clumsy as they are learning how their body works and developing their motor skills. This can obviously lead to some messes. Another developmental challenge is a young child's attention span. Keep mealtime short; no more than 20 minutes. 
2. Picky Eaters-A common problem for many parents of toddlers is picky eating. Some kids are naturally more sensitive to tastes, smells and textures. Other times, kids discover that food is one of the things they can control. Also, they can learn their picky eating from their parents or other family members. It can take up to 20 times trying a new food for a child to know if they like it or not. 
3. Portion-sizes-I remember being very worried that my first was not eating enough when she was a toddler. My idea of portion-size was skewed. A good rule of thumb for kids is 1 Tbsp per year is a serving. So, a two-year-old would eat 2 Tbsp of peas to equal 1 serving of vegetable.

I could probably keep listing challenges, but it seems like it might be good to start looking at solutions. 

1. Set clear age-appropriate expectations and rules. 
2. Model your expectations. Say please and thank you. Eat a variety of food. Try new foods. 
3. Utilize the division of labor.
1. Parents' Jobs-Decide when, what, where and how the meal will be served. 
2. Children's Jobs-Decide what and how much to eat of the foods you offer. 
4. Cook one meal. Once your child has moved beyond eating purees and is eating bite-size pieces of food offer them the same food as you are eating, as long as there is no safety issue (i.e., choking hazard.) It can be helpful to include one food that you know your child will eat if you are offering something they might not like. I usually made sure to offer a fruit or vegetable that I knew my kids would eat. There were a few nights where all they ate was broccoli!
5. Take the emphasis off of food. That might seem like an odd idea. Isn't eating the purpose of mealtime? I have found that when I focused on what and how much my kids were eating, mealtimes tended to involve more arguments, complaining and were just generally not enjoyable for any of us. When we took the focus off of food and instead made the focus about spending time together, mealtimes became a much more pleasant experience. We would share highs and lows from our day. We also would take turns asking questions to get the conversation going. Check out The Family Dinner Project for some great conversation starter ideas. 
   
   
   
6. Involve your child in food prep. Let them choose foods to try at the grocery store. Give them age-appropriate jobs. Click here for a list of age-appropriate kitchen tasks.
7. Schedule snacks and meals throughout the day. Try not to feed your child a snack 2 hours before a meal. 

If you want to learn more about mealtimes and feeding young children, check out the The Ellen Satter Institute.