Helping Your Child Navigate Anxiety

The past week has been hard. Our world has changed a lot in a short amount of time. Maybe you are figuring out how to work from home or what you are going to do if you are off of work during this crisis. We know that all of the changes that are happening are stressful for everyone. Most of us are probably experiencing some anxiety. This anxiety isn't exclusive to just parents either. Kids are feeling it too. Even young children who may not know anything about the Covid-19 virus have had their daily routines disrupted. Maybe they are use to regular playdates or visits with grandparents or going to preschool and are not able to do these things right now. Maybe they have heard a little about the virus and are worried about people they love getting sick. Whatever it is your kids may be feeling anxious about what is going on in their world. So let's take a look at ways we can help our children!

Anxiety often shows up as other behaviors in children (and probably adults too!) Here are 8 ways that children can show anxiety:

1. Anger-Anytime we have the perception of danger or stress it triggers our fight, flight or freeze response. Kids might not know how to communicate what they are feeling so they are left feeling angry. 
2. Difficulty sleeping-Kids may start having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. This is a hallmark sign of anxiety.
3. Defiance-Kids often feel anxiety when things feel out of control. It is easy to see their attempts to regain control when they are feeling anxious as defiant behavior. 
4. Chandeliering-Kids who have been holding in their anxiety and worries for so long might lose it and fly of the handle for no apparent reason. Something small or simple is enough to set them off. 
5. Lack of focus-Kids experiencing anxiety might be caught up in their own thoughts and have trouble paying attention.
6. Avoidance-Kids may avoid activities, places or people who cause them to feel anxiety. However this doesn't usually lead to them experiencing less anxiety. 
7. Negativity-Anxiety leads to more negative thoughts than positive thoughts. 
8. Overplanning-Kids may try to regain control over situations that cause them anxiety by overplanning even when minimal planning is necessary. 

Now let's explore some ways to help your child navigate anxiety. 

1. Manage your own anxiety first. Kids can often sense when people around them are experiencing anxiety and this can lead to them experiencing anxiety too. So take care of yourself first. Talk with a friend, exercise, get outside, practice mindfulness. Find what helps you manage your anxiety and do it!
2. It's not about stopping your child's anxiety, it's about helping your child manage it instead. Anxiety, in and of its self, isn't a bad thing. Not being able to manage anxiety is what makes anxiety bad. We want our kids to learn how to manage anxiety so that over time it diminishes.
3. Don't dismiss their feelings. Instead work on validating their feelings. Listen and be empathetic about your child's feelings. The goals is send the message that how they feel is okay and you are there to help them . 
4. Don't ask leading questions. Ask your child open ended questions instead. You might ask, "How do you feel about not going to preschool?" instead of "Are you sad that you can't go to school?"
5. Work on problem-solving with your child. Maybe your child is use to frequent visits with their grandparents and is sad and anxious about not getting to see them. Ask your child for ideas for how they could stay close to their grandparents. Maybe they could send them pictures that they draw, do a video chat or phone call. 
6. Practice mindfulness with your child. Teach your child breathing techniques that they can use to help them feel calm. One easy technique to teach is Smell the Flower, Blow out the Candle. Hold up 5 fingers. Ask your child to smell the flower, then blow out the candle. When they blow lower one finger. Repeat until all five fingers are down. It is important to practice this when your child is calm so they learn that it will make them feel calm. Also, practice blowing out slowly. You want to your child to exhale for longer than they inhale. 
7. Get outside and enjoy nature. Studies have shown that spending time in nature reduces stress. So go for a walk, explore your backyard, or try a scavenger hunt.
8. Do something to help others. Draw pictures and send them to residents at a nursing home. 

All of us at South Washington County Early Learning know that this has past week has been hard and stressful for families. Hopefully you will be able to use some of these tips to help not only your child but yourself as well. And know that we are working hard to find ways to stay connected with families in our program. 

The Lessons I've Learned

Parenthood has taught me a lot of lessons. Sixteen years of parenting my middle daughter has taught me the most about myself. That's right, somehow my second baby is already 16! This has really got me thinking about what it has been like to be her mom. One thing I can tell you for sure is that I haven't done everything right, but I know I have learned, grown and improved through being her mom, not just as a parent but as a person too. So in honor of my baby girl's sixteen years, I thought I would share a few of the lessons I have learned.

• Temperament really does matter. This should really not be earth shattering since temperament is the building block of our personalities. However, I never realized quite how much my temperament shaped my approach to the world until I had a kid with a similar temperament. One would think this similarity would make parenting her easier. Nope! Not a chance! What it did do was show me some things about myself, like the fact that I have a high intensity of reaction. I am typically a pretty even keeled person but I tend to have strong reactions to things. My daughter is much the same way. As a toddler, she was the sweetest, most loving, kindest kid until she wasn't. There was no middle ground. This lead to some epic battles of will between us. Recognizing that her intense reactions to things was simply part of her temperament and not something I could change, allowed me to help her navigate and regulate her reactions to things. Realizing that my reaction to her intensity was also intense helped me figure out how to regulate myself before I tried to parent her. 

• Being Hangry is a real thing. Seriously, this girl could have some epic meltdowns. Nothing her dad or I did could stop them from happening. Until one day one of us, in a moment of desperation, gave her some juice. She drank the juice and calmed down almost instantly. She simply had been too busy playing to notice she was getting hungry. We had to teach her to pay closer attention to her body so she could tell us she was hungry to prevent the meltdowns instead of trying to stop them once they started. So the next time your child is having a meltdown, Stay Calm and H.A.L.T. Ask yourself, is my child hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Meeting those needs may the quickest way to calm their storm.

• A sense of humor makes your life so much more fun. My daughter was born with a natural sense of comedic timing. She has always been able to lighten the mood by doing something goofy and a little off the wall. It helps to remind me not to take things too seriously. 

• Be who you are. Find your passion and own it. My daughter has found her passion and ran with it. She started asking to play hockey from a pretty young age. Her dad and I tried to convince her to try something else. We even went so far as to sign her up for speed skating. She did one practice, got off the ice and said, "Where's the puck? Can I play hockey now?" So, needless to say, this happened:

Of course, playing hockey wasn't enough--she had to become a goalie. And now 10 years later she still plays and is hoping to play at the collegiate level.

Here's the thing, she loves this sport so much that she inspired me to try it too. I have now been playing for 7 years, the last 3 as a goalie.

• We have to love our kids through the hard stuff, the big emotions, the meltdowns, etc. What I mean by this is not that we don't love our kids when they are going through these tough times but that we have to use love to help them get through it. I tried for longer than I care to admit to control, stop or change my daughter's feelings. I would try to convince her that whatever she was upset about wasn't a big deal. It wasn't that I didn't care about her feelings. I wanted to stop the behavior that came with the feelings. I wanted to fix it and make it better. I learned I need to let her have her emotions and be there to help her feel safe and loved. I couldn't teach her how to handle and communicate her feelings in an appropriate way until she felt loved and safe. I know now that the best thing for me to do when she is upset is to let her know I am there for her and when she is ready I will listen. The great thing about this is that she often comes to the realization that what she is upset about isn't that big of a deal and she can handle it without me trying to force her there. 

Parenting is a lot about teaching our kids. The thing is that while we are teaching them they are also teaching us. Take some time and think about the lessons you have already learned from your children. Before you know it you will be looking back on 16 years and be amazed at all that you have learned. So to this amazing kid, I say thank you for all the lessons you have taught me!

Please, Just Go to Sleep!

One more drink, please!

I have to go potty!

It's too dark!

One more book!

If these excuses sound familiar, you are probably a parent of a young child who has mastered the art of trying to delay bedtime. Kids try to delay bedtime for a variety of reasons. Some kids may be experiencing night time fears, some kids just want to spend more time with you and some kids may just be testing the limits.

Whatever the reason, parents typically just want their child to "Please, just go to sleep!" Keep reading for some helpful tips on how to make bedtime smoother for everyone.

1. Set a bedtime that allows your child to get enough sleep. Young children often have a natural time that they wake up in the morning. If you have an early riser, they may need an early bedtime. Knowing how much sleep per 24 hours (including naps) is helpful in deciding when to set their bedtime. Infants 4 months to 12 months need 12 to 16 hours of sleep. Children ages 1 to 2 should get 11 to 14 hours of sleep. Children ages 3 to 5 should get 10 to 13 hours of sleep. Children ages 6 to 12 should be sleeping 9 to 12 hours. 
2. Create a consistent bedtime routine. A consistent routine helps your child know what is going to happen next and prepares them for sleep. Some activities you might consider including are a bath, brushing teeth, snuggling, reading books and singing a good night song. 
3. Turn off screens at least 2 hours before bedtime. The light from screens can interfere with our bodies production of melatonin. Melatonin is a hormone that is vital to our sleep cycle. Even a small amount of screen time before bed can decrease our bodies production of melatonin, making it harder to fall asleep. Bedrooms should be screen free zones. 
4. Help reduce stress for your child. Stress causes our bodies to produce cortisol which is our bodies stress hormone. If your child has high levels of cortisol, they will have a hard time shutting down their bodies so they can fall asleep. Choose calm activities for your child to do prior to bedtime. Bedtime is a great time to practice some deep breathing exercises to help calm your child. 
5. Create a safe and comfortable environment that is conducive to sleep. Our child's bedroom should help them feel safe and relaxed so they can fall asleep. Consider limiting distractions by limiting the number of toys in their room. Provide a dim night light if need. Have a soft blanket/pillow for your child if they are old enough to use one. Limit the number of stuffed animals in your child's bed. One or two might help them fall asleep but too many can make it hard to get comfortable or create a distraction. Keep their room cool. We sleep better at room temperature or a little cooler. 
6. Validate your child's fears. Young children develop very real fears. Fears that may seem silly to us but are very real for them. If your child is afraid of something at night, reassure them that they are safe. Using tools like a night light or "Monster Spray" can help reassure your child that they are safe. 
7. Help you child fall asleep. A common misconception is that if parents lay or sit with their child, they won't learn to go to sleep on their own. In reality when we sit with our children we can teach them how to calm themselves so that they can fall asleep. Two of my three children have at different times needed our help to fall asleep. My husband or I would sit with them in their beds and rub their backs or heads as they fell asleep. I don't regret ever doing this with my kids. In fact, these moments spent snuggling and comforting my kids is something that I miss doing on a regular basis. 

If you are a parent who needs their child to "Please, just go to sleep", try out some or all of these tips to help create a smooth and successful bedtime. And remember these tips aren't just for kids. Parents can benefit from creating their own bedtime routine, limiting screens, reducing stress and creating a comfy, safe environment. 

Do We Have Some Fun For You!

Our Winter/Spring Semester of Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE) will be starting soon and with it comes several special events for families. Keep reading to learn more about our upcoming special events. We hope you will join us for one or all of these!

• Night at the Children's Museum-Join us for this special evening set aside for our district families to PLAY BIG at the Minnesota Children's Museum. The Children's Museum in downtown St. Paul has three floors of fun for the whole family. Children can play in a pretend town, zoom down a giant spiral slide, zig-zag through a laser maze, create in the makerspace, discover in the toddler space, engineer your own ball launcher and so much more fun! This fabulous family friendly event is on Thursday, January 23rd from 5:30-8 pm. The cost is just $5/person (1 year and under, free). This event is designed for families with children from birth to 8 years of age. Register is required. Click here to register. 
• Pajama storytime-Back by popular demand, our pajama storytime is held in conjunction with Washington County Libraries. Join us in our suite of classrooms at Central Park on Wednesday, February 5th and April 14th from 6-7 pm. Wear your pj's and join us for storytime! We'll craft, listen to exciting stories, sign up for a library card if we don't already have one, and learn more about Early Childhood programming and classes through South Washington County Schools. This event is aimed toward children birth to 5 years of age and their parents, but all are welcome to attend. No registration needed for the FREE event. 
• Parent's Night Out Event at Board & Brush-Join the Early Learning Parent Advisory Council for this parents only event. This is an invite-only DIY workshop. 20% of all proceeds will go towards the District 833 ECFE Programs! Select a wood project from our gallery. We provide all the materials and instruct you step-by-step to create a beautiful piece of your home or for a gift. Choose from a variety of paint and wood stain colors in the workshop. Pre-registration is required. Space is limited. To register go to Board & Brush and use the access code ECFE. The cost is $68. 
• Early Learning Spring Fest-This fun family event, formally known as the Bunny Hop, is on Saturday, March 21st from 10-Noon at the District Program Center. We will celebrate spring with a variety of activities, including sensory activities, creation fun, bonus houses, Stages Theater interactive presentations and storytime with the Washington County Library. Each child will receive a free book. Click here to register. The cost of this event is $15/family. 
• The Day You Begin (Stages Theater Company Field Trip)-This field trip is a great opportunity to experience a live theater performance with your child. Stages Theater is presenting the world premiere musical, based on by National Book Award and Newbury Honor winning author Jacqueline Woodson. This musical celebrates the bravery it takes to try something new. Parents and children alike will enjoy this show on Friday, April 24th. Transportation from the District Program Center and Central Park is available. Register here. Cost is $18/person. 

We hope you will come and join us for these fun family events during our Winter/Spring Semester. 

Winter Family Fun

Winter has arrived and with it many parents are left wondering what to do to keep their little ones entertained. Let's face it, living here in Minnesota winter is long, cold and snowy. It seems that by the time January rolls around everyone is getting a little stir crazy. At the start of winter, I ask parents in all of my classes to share ideas of places to go and things to do, both outside and inside, with their young children. Then I create a master list to share with families. I thought that this year I would share some of the highlights from that list with all of you. 

Indoor Fun

1. Play with Shaving Cream-Spray a small pile of shaving cream on your table or in a larger container. Be sure to use the foam not the gel. Give your child tools like popsicle sticks, spoons or toy cars and let them play! 
2. Dollar Store Bin or Drawer-Keep a bin filled with easy to do craft items/supplies that you can get at the dollar store or dollar section. Let your child pick an activity to do. An alternative to this is have a Dollar Store Day. Take your child to the dollar store or section. Give them a set amount of money, maybe $5 and let them pick out crafts or toys to play with. 
3. Recycled play-keep cardboard boxes, plastic bottles and lids. Combine these things with tape/glue and let your child's imagination soar. 
4. Painter's Tape Fun-Check out this great list of over 40 painters tape games and crafts.
5. Have a Dance Party-Turn on your favorite tunes and dance with your kids. This has the added benefit of be a great workout too!
6. Have an indoor picnic
7. Make Playdough-Give your child a variety of tools, rolling pin, cookie cutters, popsicle sticks, blocks, etc. Playdough is also a great item for kids to practice using safety scissors.  

Outdoor Fun

1. Build Snow Castles-Use different sizes and shapes of containers, buckets or pails and build snow castles instead of sand castles. This can be done indoors as well by bringing a large container of snow inside. 
2. Snow Painting-Add food coloring or washable paint to water in spray or squirt bottles and let your little artist paint the snow. 
3. Go sledding and/or ice skating. For safety be sure to have your child wear a helmet for both of these activities. 
4. Read the book Snowballs by Lois Ehlert. Collect items around your house to help you build a snowman.
5. Visit one of the many Nature Centers in the Twin Cities area.

 Other Fun Ideas

1. Night at the Children's Museum-Join other families from South Washington County Schools Early Learning Program at the Children's Museum on Thursday, January 23rd from 5:30 to 8pm. The cost is $5 per person. Click HERE to register!
2. Check out one of our Drop-In Play Times
3. Pajama Story Time-Join us at our Central Park location on February 5th from 6-7 for a special story time with Washington County Libraries. This is a free event. No registration need. 

I hope that this list gets you started on creating winter family fun with your child. Think about your own childhood. What were some of your favorite winter activities? Share these activities with your child.

Attitude of Gratitude

I recently had a memory pop up on a certain social media site that got me thinking about gratitude. I had had a tough day with my kids and decided to write out one thing I was thankful for about each of my kids from the day. My hope was that by focusing on what I was thankful for at night, I would be able to reset my mindset for the next day.  And here's the thing, it worked. I remember waking up being excited to get on with my day instead of worrying if it was going to be another tough day.

Research supports this practice. People who express gratitude experience higher levels of happiness. According to Harvard Medical School Healthbeat, showing gratitude benefits people by increasing positive emotions, higher levels of enjoyment for good experiences, better at handling adversity, improved health and build stronger relationships.

In parenthood it can be easy to get bogged down by the day to day. Whether it is managing a balance between work and family life, dealing with toddler tantrums, sleep deprivation, making meals that everyone will eat, or coordinating everyone's schedules, parents can become overwhelmed. We can fall into the trap of focusing on all the hard things about being a parent.

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I thought I would share with you a few of the things that I am grateful for and some ways to incorporate gratitude into your daily life.

• Write a Thank You Note-Thank you notes are a great way to build strong relationships with another person by expressing your gratitude for something they have done for you or their part in your life. Writing thank you notes also increases your happiness. So here's my thank you note to you: Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I appreciate being able to share my knowledge and hope that what I write has a positive impact on you. 
• Count your blessings-Set aside some time each week to focus on the blessings you have in your life. Write down a list of maybe 3 to 5 things each week that you feel are blessings in your life. Be specific and think about how these blessings make you feel. Check out my three blessings for this past week. 
• My oldest daughter volunteered to stay up late and pick her sister up following a hockey game since I was feeling under the weather. It was so nice to be able to go to bed early. I woke up the next morning feeling so much better. 
• My husband planned date night for us. We enjoyed dinner, dessert and had time to catch up with one another since he was gone for work most of the week. 
• My amazing co-workers who were willing to roll with it when I was out sick one day and wasn't able to find a sub. Knowing that my teaching team would be able to make it work without me there gave me peace of mind. 
• Meditate-Practicing meditation allows you to focus on the present moment. Practice focusing on something you are grateful for. This might be the sun shining through your window or the smell of your morning coffee as you focus on breathing in the aroma. 
• Say thank you-Make sure you say thank you to those around you. Thank the cashier, the server at the restaurant, receptionist at the doctors office. Just saying thank you not only makes you feel better but also the recipient.  

Another benefit to practicing gratitude is that you are modeling it for your child. One of the ways children learn how to be grateful by seeing us be grateful. Take time each day to thank your child for things they do and encourage them to start saying thank you too. 

It's Scary!!

Ghost, Witches and Ghouls, Oh My! This time year can present many opportunities for young children to be exposed to scary things even if your family doesn't participate in the upcoming Halloween holiday.

It doesn't take much. Your child might see a scary decoration during simple trip to the store or a walk around the neighborhood. When my son was younger, about 2 years old, he saw a scary monster statue in the store as we walked past the Halloween section. From that point on, we had to strategically navigate through the store to avoid that area. He would say, "No monsters!" every time we went to the store. So now seems like a good time to take a closer look at childhood fears and how we can help our kids deal with these fears. 

It is normal for young children to develop fears. Even kids as young as 8 months can start to show fearful responses to strangers. Young toddlers recognize fearful responses in their caregivers and will move closer to them. Children, age 2 to 5, can start to develop typical fears, like being afraid of the dark, monsters or animals. It is also important to remember that kids don't start recognizing the difference between fantasy and reality until between ages 3 to 5. 

Parents can help kids navigate their fears in a number of ways: 

1. Sometimes parents are surprised by their child's fear or think the fear is silly. When your child is afraid, reassure them and let them know they are safe no matter what.
2. Label your child's fear. "That dog barked loudly and it scared you."
3. Find ways to empower your child with tools to help them. If your child is afraid of the dark, let them choose if they want to have a lamp left on in the room or the door open with a light left on in the hall. 
4. Prepare your child ahead of time if you know they might encounter something that will scare them. You might talk with your child about kids being dressed in costumes if you are going to a Halloween party.  

Here are somethings to avoid when helping your child navigate their fears. 

1. Try not to laugh at your child's fear, even if you think it is silly. 
2. Don't tell your child not to be afraid or that something isn't scary. It is scary to them even if we don't think it is scary. 
3. It can be tempting to force our children to brave when they are afraid. Take baby steps to help them overcome their fear. If they are afraid of a dog, try asking your child if they would like to wave at the dog or pet the dog while you hold them. 

Childhood fears can be tricky to navigate. Just remember that you are your child's safe place. They need to be able to lean on you when they are afraid.