Welcome Back!

Welcome back to the 2018/2019 school year!

The first week of ECFE classes, 3-year-old preschool and 4-year-old preK is in the books. We had so much fun meeting all of the families and kids who will be participating in our fabulous program this year. There are a lot of exciting things happening this year in our South Washington County Schools Early Learning program. Keep reading to learn more. 

3-year-old preschool and 4-year-old preK

Our preschool teachers are working hard to continue the alignment work that began last year. Teachers are continuing to learn more about our new assessment tool, TS Gold. We are also excited that last spring and over the summer our teachers and coordinators created a brand new Progress Report that will be shared with parents during parent-teacher conferences. This new Progress Report is linked to our TS Gold assessment tool by clearly showing specific developmental skills that kids in our 3-year-old and 4-year-old preschoolers are working on developing. 

We are continuing our focus on supporting the social emotional development of all our students. Research shows that a child's social and behavioral competency predicts their future academic success to a greater extent than their cognitive skills. Helping our students feel safe and connected at school is key to preparing them for the next big step, Kindergarten. 

Parents of our preschoolers will also have the opportunity to participate in our Preschool Text to Connect program. We started this program last year and are excited to be able to continue offering it this school year. Parents who sign up for this program will receive weekly texts that provide facts about social emotional development and easy to implement activities and tools to support that development. Watch for more information on how to sign up coming soon. 

ECFE

This year, our ECFE program is continuing to offer all of your age specific classes as well as some exciting new options. 

We are continuing to offer an online parent education class, No Drama Discipline. If you are interested in taking a deeper look at what discipline is, how our brains impact our behavior and practical ideas for effective discipline, this is the class for you. Our hybrid online class starts on Thursday, Oct. 4th with families meeting together to get to know one another. The next four weeks are exclusively online. We meet in person again for the final week to wrap up the topic. Registration is available here.

We also have new drop-in playtimes throughout the week. 

Central Park

Wednesdays for 24-36 months, 12:00-1:00 pm, Cost $3/child or $10/family

Thursdays for birth to 5 years, 3:00-4:30 pm, Cost $4/child or $10/family

Fridays for birth to 5 years, 11:30-1:00 pm, Cost $4/child or $10/family

DPC

Tuesdays for birth to 5 years, 12:30-2:30 pm, Cost $5/child or $10/family

Thursdays for birth to 5 years, 12:30-2:30 pm, Cost $5/child or $10/family

Valley Crossing

New Parent Connection - Tuesdays for 6-12 months, 4:30-5:45 pm (FREE)

Wednesdays for birth to 5 years, 9:15-11:15 am, Cost $5/child or $10/family

We are looking forward to a wonderful school year with all the families participating in our program. 

Summer Fun!

It is hard to believe that last week we wrapped up our ECFE classes and in just a few short days our preschool classes will end for the summer. Getting to know you and your child has been a highlight of the year for our staff. We are grateful that we had the opportunity to work with all of the families who participated in our program. We hope that you and your child have learned lots and made new friends.

With summer vacation fast approaching, we want to leave you with some resources to carry you through the summer.

Summer Safety Resources:

• https://www.cdc.gov/family/kids/summer/index.htm
• http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/summerspotlight/
• http://www.seattlechildrens.org/safety-wellness/safety/summer-safety-tips/

At the end of each school year, the parents in my classes help to create a summer fun list. Below you will find several fun places to visit and adventures to go on with your children. 

Parks

• Teddy Bear Park-Stillwater
• Pioneer Park-Stillwater
• Minnehaha Falls-4801 Minnehaha Dr., Minneapolis
• Chutes and Ladders-Hyland Park Reserve, 10145 Bush Lake Rd, Bloomington
• Good Times Park-Eagan
• Woodbury Parks Events (Puppet Wagon, Performances, etc) https://bit.ly/2kA6qGP

Water Fun

• Carver Lake Beach
• Lake Elmo Park Reserve
• Splash Pads
• Beilenberg Sports Center
• Highland Park in Cottage Grove
• Cascade Bay-Eagan
• Waterworks-Battle Creek Park, St. Paul

Out and About

• Como Zoo
• Minnesota Zoo
• Stillwater Summer Tuesdays- www.summertuesdays.com
• Hastings Historic Saturday Night Cruise-In's- http://www.downtownhastingsmn.com/Cruise-In-Car-Shows.html
• North St. Paul's Friday Night History Cruzer Car Show- www.historycruzer.com
• Starlight Movies-Ojibway Park https://bit.ly/2kA6qGP
• Washington County Library https://bit.ly/2H4yriw

Have a fun and safe summer. And we hope to see you in the fall for ECFE or Preschool classes!

I'm Sorry...So Sorry

I recently had another mothering misstep. You know, one of those times as a parent where you know you have officially lost any hope of winning the Mother of the Year Award again. My oldest daughter was recently inducted into the National Honor Society at her high school. Needless to say, my husband and I are very proud of her hard work that went into achieving this honor. We were looking forward to going to the awards ceremony and celebrating her hard work. The night arrived for the awards ceremony and, due to our schedules, we all ended up driving separately to the awards ceremony. After the ceremony, I headed to the cafeteria for the reception to wait for my daughter. She however, hopped in her car to go find her friends, thinking that I had headed home. I began to wonder if she left but kept thinking to myself, there's no way she left. I mean, seriously, when in her 16 years of having me as a mom have I not wanted pictures and to celebrate these special events? I finally find out that she left and I was mad, not just mad--hurt and angry. So I call my daughter and it all goes wrong from there. I order her home and not so nicely tell her that I am angry. Of course, this leads to an argument. The whole time this is going on I know I am not doing a great job of handling the situation and yet I can't seem to right the ship and defuse the situation. It ends with her in tears and me still feeling mad at the situation and myself. In the end, I calm down. She calms down. And I know that I owe her an apology for how I handled my anger. 

 

Apologizing to our kids is important. Kids learn what it means to be sorry, apologize and forgive another person by being on the receiving end of an apology. We model all of these for our kids when we truly apologize to them. When we truly apologize to our children, they learn to recognize right and wrong. We repair and strengthen our relationship with them. Kids also learn how to take responsibility for their actions. 

 

Think about the last time you apologized to your child. Was it a true apology? All too often as parents we apologize to our kids by saying things like, "I am sorry you are mad that you can't have a cookie before dinner" or "I am sorry I yelled at you but.." Neither of these are a true apology. Parents use apologies like these to soften the blow of setting a limit or in the case of the second example, point out what their child had done wrong. 

 

When we truly apologize to our children, we accept responsibility for what we did wrong. We name it and claim. In the case of my example above, it went like this. "I owe you an apology. I am sorry I yelled at you. My feelings were hurt and I let that shape how I talked to you. I should have just told you my feelings were hurt without yelling and making you feel bad. I am sorry." Of course once I apologized, she apologized too, knowing she was in the wrong too. 

 

Screen Free Week

Most of us parents know already that screens are pervasive. They are everywhere: our cars, restaurants, our homes, and our pockets. Screens are so pervasive that, according to Common Sense Media, 98% of kids ages 0-8 have access to mobile devices such as tablets and smart phones.

Now you might be thinking, "UGH! Not another guilt trip about letting my kids access technology." Trust me that is not my goal. Instead, I hope to encourage you to reflect. Reflect on how your family uses technology. The when, what, where and how your child interact with television and mobile devices. And maybe, just maybe, challenge you to participate in Screen Free Week in some way. 

Screen Free Week runs April 30-May 6. What exactly is Screen Free Week? Screen Free Week actually started way back in 1994 with goal of lessening the amount of time people were watching TV. Of course, as we know television is just one of many screens that kids and families utilize. The goal of screen free week is to provide an annual, international celebration that encourages families to exchange technology entertainment for other activities that don't require screens. The hope is that families will connect with one another, friends, family and the world around them in place of digital entertainment. 

The idea of going complete cold-turkey on technology for an entire week might cause a little moment of panic. I know I feel a little overwhelmed by the idea. So instead of biting off more than my family and I can chew, we are going to make some small changes to how we are using technology. Here a few ideas we are going to try: 

• Phone free hour-Everyone will put their phones away for an hour each night. 
• Play Outside-Everyone will go outside and play instead of watching TV after school. 
• Board Game Night
• Nature walk/hike 

So I encourage you and your family to make a plan, commit for a whole week of screen free or just make some small changes for even just an hour or two per day. For more ideas check out the Additional Resources section on the Screen Free Week Website. 

What's your button?

We all have them. You know, those behaviors in our kids or other people that drive us crazy. Make us want to pull out our hair. That push our BUTTONS!!!! Whining was a big button pushing behavior for me when my kids were younger. Use your big girl voice was my mantra. I would spend what felt like all day everyday repeating this to my daughter. And then my husband would come home and in one moment erase this message by giving her what she whined for. This, of course, pushed my buttons too! I don't tell this story to criticize my husband. Quite the contrary, I had to learn that what pushed my buttons didn't necessarily push my husbands' buttons. In fact, he didn't even notice when our daughter was whining. He had to train himself to listen for the whining.

Whether its your kids bickering or not listening the first time or picky eating or temper tantrums that push your buttons, it is important to be aware of what is really going on when your buttons are being pushed.

Conscious Discipline is a discipline approach that focuses on internal mental state of children and parents first and the behavior second. The basic idea is that "we can learn to consciously manage our own thoughts and emotions so we can help children learn to do the same" (Conscious Discipline Brain State). There are three brain states:

• Survival State-This state is focused on the question, Am I Safe? The survival state brings on a fight, flight or freeze response. The only way to calm a survival state is to provide a sense of safety. 
• Emotional State-This state is focused on the question, Am I Loved? The emotional state brings on temper tantrums in kids. Parents, in this state, have an emotional response. This might include frustration and anger. This is when we get into asking the "What is wrong with you question?" or thinking, "They shouldn't be acting this way." The only way to calm an emotional state is to provide a sense of connection. 
• Executive State-This is the thinking, learning, rational and logical state. In this state, we are able to think through and problem-solve so we can make better choices. 

So what does this mean for us as parents when our buttons are being pushed? When we are in the survival or emotional state, we are reactive. As parents, this typically means that we revert back to parenting the way we were parented even if this approach is harmful or ineffective. The executive state is receptive. It is in this state that we can learn, think and problem-solve. It makes sense then that when dealing with challenging behaviors it is important for parents to be aware of which state they are in. We cannot help our children learn to be aware of their internal states and behaviors if we are being reactive.

So my challenge to you is this: spend some time reflecting on those button pushing behaviors. What is it about those behaviors that push your buttons? How do you feel when your buttons are being pushed? How do you respond? It is only by being conscious of our own internal states and behaviors that we can help our children recognize theirs.

The Expectation Gap

One of my kids' favorite pastimes, when they were toddlers, was to take every single book off of our bookshelves. They would stand at the bookshelf, pulling the books off one by one while shaking their head and saying "No, No, No!"

My kids definitely knew they weren't supposed to do this so why did they always do it? I had obviously told them NO many times! Were they being naughty? Did they just want to drive me crazy? The answer to these questions was a resounding No!

In a recent survey of parents, Zero to Three found that the majority of parents' beliefs about their child's ability for self-control is overestimated. Some of the findings of the survey include:

• 56% of parents believe children have the ability to resist doing something that is forbidden before the age of three and 36% believe that children under that age of two have this kind of self-control. Brain research shows that these skills start developing between three and a half and four years and takes many more years to be used consistently.
• 43% of parents think children can share and take turns with other children before age two. This skill only develops between 3 to 4 years of age. 
• 24% of all parents believe that children are able to control their emotions, such as not having a tantrum when frustrated, at one year or younger, while 42% believe children have this ability by two years. Research shows this type of self-control is also just starting to develop between three and four years of age. (www.livingandloving.co.za)

This expectation gap explains why so many parents are frustrated by behavior that is actually developmentally appropriate. One of our goals in South Washington County ECFE is to provide parents with information about typical development so they can adjust their expectations of their child's behavior.

For me, this meant honoring my children's impulse to remove the books from the book shelf but limiting the mess this created. I moved most of the books up to higher shelves and left behind a handful of board books so they could empty the shelf to their heart's content.

16 years...In the Blink of an Eye

So I have officially been a mom for 16 years. Somehow, I closed my eyes and my first baby went from this: 

to this:

I have learned a lot of things over the past 16 years. For instance: 

• I have learned that when you say, "You have to eat some of your hot dog before you have more strawberries," you sound really dumb. 
• I have learned that if you say it, you have to follow through, i.e., "if you keep acting like this we aren't going to the park". (Immediately after saying this, I realized I am now trapped in the house with three cranky kids by myself!) 
• I have learned that you make rules you never think you will need to have. When my kids were in their nudist stage, we had a rule about needing to wear underpants at the table. 

The most important thing I have learned is that parenting is an exercise in letting go. As a parent, you let go of many things. You learn to pick your battles and not sweat the small things. It was for this very reason that my daughter wore pick cowboy boots with EVERYTHING for almost the entire third year of her life! You let go of having a tidy house. Wait...maybe that was just me, but I don't think I am the only one who had rooms that were overrun with kid paraphernalia! You let go of sleep...Sleep, what is that? 

But the hardest thing to let go of is your kids. Parenting is the gradual process of watching your child, your baby, grow, learn and become their own person. It started small with my baby crawling and then walking. Her circle expanded. She explored new places and things without relying completely on me. Suddenly, she wasn't a baby but was a toddler and then a preschooler heading off to her first day of school. Then came the day when I had to ask to hold her hand walking into the building for her first day of kindergarten. That little girl walked into the school like she owned the place. All along the way, I watched her turn into her own person. I worked hard to find a balance between supporting, letting her go, and being there to catch her when she fell. And now I am faced with the next big step in letting go. Next week, I will be handing her the keys to the car and watching her drive away from me by herself! She's ready and I think I am ready too. It will be hard but it will also be something I celebrate. 

For the mommies and daddies in the midst of the early stages of letting go, my message is this: It is hard but it is so rewarding. Remember you are laying the groundwork now for when they are older and more independent. Give them opportunities to try things on their own and then celebrate it when they do it. Give them lots of practice making little decisions, like what color cup they want or if they want apple or banana for snack. Let them fail. I know it is hard to watch them fail, but failure is just an opportunity to learn. Be their safe place to fall, their port in the storm. Stay calm, when they aren't and show them lots of empathy. And remember to cherish these moments with your little one!