Sour Patch Kids

You know that delicious candy that is sour on the outside and sweet on the inside?  Well, I heard this phrase used in one of the toddler classes this week.  A mom was describing her toddler and shared the term "Sour Patch Kids" in reference to a recent "meltdown".  "She's kind of like a sour patch kid...a little bit sour on the outside at first, but then sweet in the middle".  First I laughed out loud, then realized how insanely accurate this phrase is!  Isn't it difficult when we can't predict what we're going to get from our kiddos?  In one moment, they're sour.  In the next moment, sweet.  Talk about mixed messages.  I have a headache just thinking about it.

I think the phrase resonated with me so much because it perfectly describes what professionals in the field of Family Education call "Emotional Intelligence"...also called "EQ" (think IQ for feelings). According to the website Psychology Today , the following is the definition of Emotional Intelligence:

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include three skills: 

1. Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others;
2. The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving;
3. The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.

Just as our children are developing physically and cognitively, they're also developing socially and emotionally.  Our job as their parents is to help our children become aware of their emotions so they can identify them, use them in healthy ways like problem solving, and regulate them.  It sounds exhausting, doesn't it? 

Just to add fuel to the fire, if you've been around ECFE for any length of time, you've heard ALL about temperament.  Maybe you could teach the topic by now.  One of the nine traits of temperament is "INTENSITY" and it's in all caps for a reason!  Intense children...wait for it...may need extra help sorting through and making sense of their feelings.   The strength of their emotional response is stronger (and maybe louder) than their less intense counterparts.  If their parent is at all intense, that only adds to the fun of the feelings party.  See?  Sour Patch Kids. 

By now, if you can relate to this at all, you're wondering what in the world you are supposed to do with this information.  Thankfully, there are some things that you can do to transform the sour into sweet.  You can observe your child's behavior and name their feelings for them.  Feelings can be very confusing for a young child and giving a name to the strong reaction that they're having can be helpful to them.  Become a "soft place to land" for them.  Help them to feel safe with you, no matter the strength of their reaction.  Offer hugs and reassurance.  Accept that this lovingly, sour, sweet, gift is yours and their intensity will serve them well later in life if you can help them make sense of feelings now.  They may need to stand up for a friend who's being bullied at school or make their voice heard in a tough discussion at work.  When that happens, intensity is a strength!  (If you would like to read a great parenting article on this topic, click here.)

In the meantime, give yourself a break, talk with a friend who also has a sour patch kid, and know that as they grow their Emotional Intelligence, the outbursts will happen less frequently.  In the middle, your child is sweet, loving, kind, and working hard on understanding feelings.

Also, come to ECFE.  We LOVE Sour Patch Kids!

Parent and Child Separation: Surviving and Thriving in ECFE Classes

Greetings!

Your ECFE Teachers and Paraprofessionals have been hard at work the last couple of weeks preparing for your arrival in our Fall 2016 classes!  We have been attending professional development sessions, setting goals for the academic year, writing lesson plans, and preparing classroom space.  We are more than excited to meet all of you and get the year started!

Many of our families are returning after a long summer of missing the social interaction that comes at ECFE.  They are checking off the days until classes start, anxiously awaiting the chance to meet new friends and reconnect with old ones, and are feeling more than ready to separate from their children.  Other families may be coming to ECFE for the very first time, feeling a little bit anxious about joining a class with teachers they haven't met yet where separation is encouraged.  They may be thinking "I'm leaving my child with WHO?!!!"

Every parents' comfort level with separation is different.  We all fall somewhere on a spectrum between 1 and 10 with 1 being "I really don't want to separate...I hope it's not for too long" and 10 being "SIGN ME UP!!!!!!  Do we really have to go back at all?"  There really isn't a right or wrong way to feel.  It's very typical to not want to leave your baby or child and to feel uneasy about being apart, especially if you've never separated before.  It's also more than ok to DESIRE to separate from your child.  You aren't a "bad parent" if you enjoy your time connecting with other parents apart from your children, discussing pertinent topics, while NOT doing the laundry, NOT cleaning a potty, and NOT viewing the latest temper tantrum. 

This post is intended to explain where our program stands on separating classes, offer helpful information about what to expect when you come to class, and to ease your mind about this complex issue.  Separating from your child can pave the way for many benefits in your life and the life of your child.

The following is how we view the dance of separation here in District 833 ECFE:

"It is our intent not to let any child stay in distress when separating.  Staff will work with you and your child to help the separations and time apart go smoothly. Your input is greatly valued and appreciated.  We understand that every child is unique and when a child experiences difficulty in separating, it is typically related to a developmental stage or their unique temperament. It is our intention is to meet their unique needs in this new learning opportunity.  Separation is a learning opportunity for children where they begin to develop trusting relationships with other caring adults.  We want to support every child and caregiver through this new experience."

This means that our staff will connect with you to help ease any concerns you may have.  We will do our very best to gather information from you about your child to understand his or her unique needs and utilize strategies that allow for smooth transitions.  We view every child as a unique and treasured gift.  We are honored that you are choosing to trust us to provide the best care and educational opportunities for your little one.  We do not take this responsibility lightly.

These are the things that you can expect during the first week of classes:

• Most (if not all) of the classes for our youngest friends (think infants and toddlers) will not separate at all the first week.  The first week of class is an opportunity for you and your child to explore the space, become comfortable with our staff, and get to know your classmates. 
• You will be given a separation questionnaire to fill out and bring back the second week.  This will give you an opportunity to teach us all about your child, his or her unique needs, and their experience with past separation.  These questionnaires are extremely helpful for your child's teacher and paraprofessionals to offer you and your child the best possible experience with ECFE.
• Soothing transitional objects are not only welcomed but ENCOURAGED in our classrooms.  If your child has a pacifier, a special blanket, or a stuffed animal, please plan on bringing it to class.  These items often ease the transition of separation.  You may also bring a sippy cup labeled with your child's name if you'd like.
• We will begin separating during the second week of classes, but will work with you to develop a plan for separation that you are comfortable with. 
• When it's time to separate, you will be asked to say goodbye to your child.  This can be sad for parents because the child may cry, but it helps them build trust that you always return.  If they turn around and you've disappeared, they may fear that you could disappear at anytime.  Our goal is to increase trust between child and parent through separation. 
• If a child is inconsolable after a few minutes...max of 10 minutes, the parent will be called back and will stay in the classroom for the rest of the day, no matter the age of the child.
• You will receive much more information on separation during your first class!  Some classes separate for the first part of class and some separate for the last part of class.  You will walk away after the first week with all the tools you need for healthy separation. 
• Additionally, some classes may separate right away the first week, but that is usually practiced in classes older than toddlers.  Your teachers will communicate with you what you can expect.

We can't wait to meet you and your child!  Please feel free to direct any questions you may have to your child's teacher or in the comment section of this blog.

Thanks!

Welcome Back!

With our new 2016-17 school year upon us, we are thrilled to welcome families to our updated family blog. Thank you for joining the conversation! We will begin by talking a little bit about what you can expect when you come here, what our goal is in offering blog posts, and ways that you can interact with us electronically.

What can you expect from this blog?

• A new blog will be posted approximately every other week.
• Posts will include a variety of content including ECFE program highlights, current research on child, parent, and family development, staff introductions, video links, and other fun information.
• Ways to respond to current events and how to communicate with your child about them.
• An interactive experience...please, please, please leave thoughts and questions in the comment section.  This is YOUR blog!  If you have young children, we want to hear about your experiences, questions, ideas, and concerns. 

Why offer a blog?

• Our goal is to connect with families in many different formats.  Because our program includes parent education, this is a great way to offer information to you...especially when it's 400 degrees below zero and you don't feel like leaving home (we do live in Minnesota, after all). 
• We live in a digital age!  Your favorite format for learning may be online and that's a great thing.  We would like to meet you there.
• This will be a trusted place to get information on parenting.  Think about Google for a minute.  How many hits do you get when you google "toilet training"?  Probably MILLIONS!  Which one do you click on?  Who is a trusted source for information?  We can help you weed through all of that and get you what you need at your fingertips. 

How can you join in the fun?

• It's as simple as creating an account and a profile.  Once you've done that, you can leave comments below the post.  Feel free to start a discussion thread with other blog readers or with the site administrator.
• Bookmark the site, subscribe to our feed, and visit often!
• Share the blog on the social media site of your choice.  ECFE is on Facebook, but if you want to share anywhere, share away!  The more the merrier (and the livelier the discussion).

Pertinent Program Info:

• Three's Preschool begins on Thursday, September 8th.  You will be contacted by your child's teacher to schedule a Meet & Greet before then.
• ECFE classes start the week of  Monday, September 12th. 
• Our new Family Literacy class begins the week of Monday, September 19th.  If you are enrolled in the class, you will be contacted soon with more information.
• Stay tuned for our next blog post all about how we handle separation in our ECFE classes.

We are looking forward to sharing this space with you.  Again, WELCOME BACK!!!

Executive Functioning Skills - What's All The Fuss?

By Susan McGarthwaite, Licensed Parent Educator

Have you heard about Executive Functioning skills?  Hopefully?  But if not, let's talk about why you should care about these important skills and why these skills have the potential to determine how well your child succeeds in their relationships, in their academic performance, and in their future work.  Pretty important stuff, right?

So let's take a look at what is meant by executive function skills.  But first, we have to understand a little about brain development.

Executive function skills develop in the prefrontal cortex of the brain.  The prefrontal cortex is often referred to as the CEO, or the manager of the brain.  It's that part of the brain that manages our attention, our emotions, and our behavior in order to reach our goals.  We can also think of the prefrontal cortex as our "thinking brain."  Whereas the development of this part of the brain begins in infancy, it really starts to come "on line" at approximately preschool age and does not fully mature until our early 20s!

So what are these executive function skills?  Basically they include, inhibitory control, working memory, cognitive flexibility, and focus and attention.  These skills help us remember the information we need to complete a task, filter distractions, resist inappropriate or non-productive impulses, and sustain attention during a particular activity.  We use them to asses our progress along the way, and adjust the plan if necessary, while managing frustrations so we don't act on them.  So as I said, important skills to have!  These skills provide critical supports for learning and development.

Our kids are not born with executive function skills, but with the potential to develop them.  This is where parents come in.  Parents play an important role in supporting the development of these skills.  It's a slow process that begins in infancy and continues into early adulthood.

In the next several posts, I'll break down each of the skills - inhibitory control, cognitive flexibility, working memory, and focus and attention - and give some suggestions on what parents can do to promote the development of these skills.

For more information on executive functioning, check out this short video Executive Functions:  Skills For Life and Learning.

Inside Out and Why All Emotions Matter

By Susan McGarthwaite, Parent Educator

Have you seen the movie Inside Out?  If you have, great!  If not, put the kids to bed and watch it.  Common Sense Media recommends the movie for children 6 and up so it may not be appropriate for those under 6. 

Why am I suggesting you see this particular movie?  Because ultimately, Inside Out has important messages about needing to feel -- and express -- all of your emotions, whether happy or sad.

Throughout my 25 years as a parent educator, when I've asked parents what they want/hope/desire for their children, inevitably parents will respond they want their children to be happy:)  And, of course, we all want our children to be happy, but we also need our children, for their emotional health, to experience all emotions, including sadness:(  When children are allowed to experience sadness, frustration, fear, etc. they learn how to cope and how to manage these emotions.  They learn that all emotions are important to their healthy development.  So yes, let your kids experience their emotions, but don't forget to teach them how to express these emotions - appropriately.

Developing these important self-regulation skills are great indicators of future academic and relationship success.  John Gottman in his book The Heart of Parenting discusses the importance of being an emotional coach to our children.  Gottmans offers 5 Steps to Emotional Coaching:

1.  Become aware of your child's and your own emotions.
2.  Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching.
3.  Listen empathetically, validating the child's feelings.
4.  Help the child find words to label the emotion s/he is having.
5.  Set limits while exploring strategies to solve the problem at hand.

So, back to Inside Out.  Watching this movie, you will experience a roller coaster of emotions.  But in the end, you will understand the important role emotions play in our children's healthy development;)

Welcome!

Welcome families to our new blog!  Yeah, we know what you're thinking!  Another blog on parenting!  Why do I need to read another blog on parenting?  Good question.  As an early childhood and family education program, we wanted to share with our families the reasons behind some of our philosophies on parenting and child development, and why we are so adamant about these philosophies.  Such as, why we encourage limiting screen time for children (and, you too parents), why we want you to talk, read, sing (a lot!) to your kids, why we are always
pushing tummy time for infants and getting kids out of containers (e.g., infant seats) and letting them MOVE, and why we harp on parents about the importance of teaching kids self-regulation skills (this is a BIGGY!)

In upcoming posts, we'll share the research behind these philosophies on parenting and child development and offer strategies that will support you in your role as your child's first and most important teacher.  We're hoping this blog will offer you information, as well as support, that will help you be the best parent you can be!