The Magic Ingredient for Calm!

Saturday is my typical grocery shopping day. I make my weekly meal plan and grocery list. Then head out to the stores I usually shop at. Here's the thing about grocery shopping, I not only go to the certain stores in a certain order, I drive to the stores following the same route. I also go through the store in a certain order, every single time, produce first, then dairy, followed by meat, canned goods and finally the frozen section.

By now you are probably wondering what on earth my grocery shopping habits have to do with parenting. The process of grocery shopping is an example of a routine that is part of my life. As adults we have many routines that we follow without even thinking about it, whether it is our morning routine after waking up or our route when driving to work or how and when we grocery shop. These routines provide us with a structure around which we build our day. Routines can be used in much the same way with kids. In fact, routines just might be the magic ingredient to creating a calm day and limiting mayhem in your house. 

Routines can be used at certain times of the day, bedtime or morning routines. They can also be helpful managing activities or behaviors, cleaning up toys or getting out of the house, that are difficult for you and your child. Routines help kids know what to expect so they can be successful. They also provide a sense of security and safety to children. Keep reading to learn about how to create and use routines with your child to help keep your days running smoothly. 

1. Consider what activities your child need and/or enjoy that help them stay calm. Some possible activities might include time outside, physical activity, creative outlets, and time spent alone. Once you have determined what the activities are most important incorporate them into your daily routine. 
2. Include time for kids to complete tasks like chores, and for older kids, homework and practices or lessons for sports or music. It can be tempting to jam pack your child's daily schedule or routine but this can be counterproductive. Be careful not to over-schedule your child. 
3. Be sure to MAP routines to teach them to your child. MAP stands for Model, Add a picture or cue, and Practice. Cleaning up toys can be a good activity around which to create a routine. When my kids were young, I taught or modeled how to clean up their toys by showing them how put the toys in the correct containers instead of just saying pick up your toys. Part of our routine was also to assign each person a certain thing to clean up. One child picked up the doll clothes while another picked up all the balls, etc. I added a cue to clean up time by singing the clean up song so they knew when it was time to start cleaning up. Finally we practiced cleaning up over and over again. 
4. Use picture schedules or routines. These visuals help the child know what to do during the routine. 
   
   
   
5. Be flexible. It is not possible to have everyday be the exact same. Our weekdays are often different from our weekends or holidays. The activities that happen on these days might be different but the time when things like meals, naptime and bedtime occur should stay close to the same time. You can also allow for flexibility by giving your child choices during a routine. For example, you might add flexibility to bedtime by giving your child the choice between brushing their teeth or putting on their pajamas first. 
6. Routines are not just for scheduling. You can use routines to teach safety skills, social skills and more. I used the game Red Light, Green Light to teach my kids to stay near me when we were in stores. They were allowed to walk in front of me through the store until I said Red Light. Then they had to stop until I said Green Light. If they didn't stop they then had to ride in the cart or stroller until we were done with our shopping trip.

Creating routines can add a sense of calm to while offering a sense of security and stability to children. Children will do best when you set routines that are regular, predictable and consistent. If you have questions about how to establish routines in your home, our ECFE Licensed Parent Educators can help by providing a free parent consultation. Request your here today!