The Be Careful Trap

Let me know if this sounds familiar. Your child is climbing high on the playground or maybe riding their trike fast down a hill or any number of other things that leaves you with that sense of dread that what they are doing is dangerous. If you are anything like me, your natural reaction is probably to say, "Be Careful!" This is a normal reaction. After all, it is our job to keep our kids safe. That being said, it is our kids' job to explore and part of that exploration should be engaging in risky play. 

Risky play gives kids a chance to experiment and push themselves despite not knowing what might happen. Play that is too safe can become boring for kids. The element of risk allows kids to test themselves and see what they are comfortable with. 

Beyond that, risky play has been shown to provide many benefits to kids. It helps build self-confidence, resilience, executive function skills and risk management skills. Kids actually get better at measuring how dangerous something is by engaging in risky play. The risk of injury is actually lower for kids who participate in risky play. 

There are six types of risky play that we should allow our children to participate in. 

1. Play at great heights. What does this look like? For a lot of kids this may include climb on monkey bars or up the tallest slide or sliding down the fireman's pole at the playground. Jumping from a high place or climbing trees are also great examples of this type of risky play. Kids get the sensation of losing control and there is the possibility of falling. 
   
2. Play at high speed. Kids engaged in this type of play might ride their bike or trike too fast. They might run as fast as they can down a hill. Swinging fast or enjoying a zip line are other ways of playing at high speeds. Kids experience the risk of crashing into something or someone or falling down. 
3. Playing with dangerous tools. Last summer I was at my best friends house and I watched her kids ages 4 to 10 all play with a piece of wood, hammers and nails. They spent hours hammering nails into a piece of wood. Was there a risk to this? Of course, the kids could have hammered their thumbs or poked themselves with a nail but that didn't stop them from finding endless enjoyment. Using tools is something that kids love and unfortunately they don't get many opportunities to do this. Kids need to concentrate on using the tools to help lessen the risk. 
4. Play near dangerous elements. This type of risky play is probably the hardest for parents to allow. It is easy to see how allowing your child to climb on cliffs or play near water or fire could lead to serious injury. That being said this type of risky play is still vital to children learning how to assess, manage and mitigate risk. 
   
5. Rough and tumble play allows kids the opportunity to distinguish between pretend fight and real fighting. They learn how to manage their strength so as not to hurt another person. Kids might wrestle, sword fight with sticks or pretend to fight one another. 
6. Play where children can disappear or get lost. Kids exploring an unknown area or space with the risk of getting lost. Kids have to focus on finding landmarks to help them find their way in this type of exploration. 
   

Now if you are like me, you probably read through that list of risky play activities and cringed just thinking about your child participating in some of them. If your gut reaction was to say, "No Way!!", that's okay. I am not about to suggest that you allow your toddler to go play by a stream or your preschooler to climb up a tree or your elementary aged child build a fire without your supervision. What I am suggesting is that we as parents find ways to supervise, tolerate and encourage risky play within boundaries. 

So how do we as parents take a step back and allow our children to engage in risky play?

1. Safe as necessary vs. safe as possible. Parents should step in when situations are truly dangerous and allow their child to explore when the level of risk is acceptable. You wouldn't want your child to play on broken playground equipment as that could pose a serious risk. However, allowing your child to balance and walk across a fallen tree is a risk that is manageable for you and your child. 
2. Provide guidance. This might include offering advise like, "Use your strong hands to hold on." or "Do you want to jump by yourself or holding my hand?" This where it is important to avoid saying "Be careful." Offer concrete advise that helps your child navigate the risk. 
3. Keep your own fears from getting in the way. As parents we have a lot of fears, ranging from our kids getting hurt to being kidnapped. These fears as well as other everyday kind of fears like the fear of heights that can get in the way of our children enjoying and benefiting from risky play. As parents we need to managed these fears and recognize that the likelihood of our children being kidnapped or injured is relatively low and we can help mitigate these by teaching them personal safety skills. 
4. Breathe and count to 20. As you watch your child engage in risky play and you get that gut twisting sense of danger, take a breath and count to 20. Allow the situation to unfold and how your child is reacting to it. Kids will often find their own way to limit the danger in a situation without us intervening. 
5. Provide time and space for play. Let's face it. Families are busy. There is school, homework, work and extracurriculars that pack our schedules. Be sure to allow for unstructured time in both yours and your child's schedule. Right now with a lot of scheduled activities on hold, it is the perfect time to get outside and explore without a specific purpose and allow your child to engage in some risky play. 
6. Provide access to loose parts. I mentioned earlier that my friend's kids spent hours pounding nails into a piece of wood. They created this opportunity for their kids by giving each child their own tool box with a small hammer and few other tools, a bucket of old nails and a piece of wood. The kids knew where these items were and set about playing with them all on their own. What sort of loose parts do you have around that your child could enjoy?

So put aside your worry and fear and enjoy some risky play with your child!