Monday, September 23, 2019

Burnout is Real

I am going to be really honest here. I am stressed. The past month and half at my house has been crazy busy. My kids have returned to school which means adjusting to a new schedule and the return of homework. The start of school also means I am back at work. My husband, who travels for work, has been gone a lot. The fall sports schedule is underway. All this combines to lead to one stressed and overwhelmed mama. 

The thing is I know I am not alone. Parents of kids of all ages feel stressed and overwhelmed. They also don't feel supported. Motherly found in their 2019 State of Motherhood Survey that "51% of moms feel discouraged when it comes to managing the stress of work and motherhood. About one-third of moms said that their mental and physical health is suffering. And 85% of moms said that our society does not do a good job of supporting mothers." 

All I can think is...Eighty-five percent! There is something wrong when 85% of mothers don't feel supported by our society. And I know it is isn't just moms. Dads feel overwhelmed and stressed too. 

So what can we do about this? First, we as parents need to reach out for support. One great place to find this for parents of young children is Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE). ECFE is a parent education program but just as important is the support and connection that we help facilitate between parents. Come join us for a class!

Let's also strive to create a supportive community to surround all parents. When you see a parent of a toddler in the throws of a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store aisle, give that parent a smile. Let them know you have been there. Tell them they've got this. Do you know a parent of a new baby? Maybe make an double batch of dinner and bring the extra over to share. Volunteer to come over and watch your friend's kid so they can take an uninterrupted nap.

Also, let's get real on social media. We need to stop comparing our lives and/or kids to what other people are posting. Recognize that the perfect family picture that someone posts probably took at least a dozen not so perfect attempts. More than like at least one kid cried and one parent yelled! Maybe we can take it a step further. Maybe we could post one or two pictures or stories where we show what real life is like!

And if you are like me, feeling stressed and overwhelmed by trying to balance all of it, don't be afraid to ask for help. I know this is hard but we have to be willing to be vulnerable. We have to be willing to say we aren't perfect and we don't have it all together. If we take this step, and maybe even ask for help, other parents maybe inspired to do the same. 


Friday, September 6, 2019

The Last First Day

The first day of school is here! Maybe you sent your kiddo off to their first day of kindergarten this week. Some of you may be gearing up for the first day of preschool or ECFE next week. Either way, the first day of school often comes with mixed emotions for kids and parents. Many of you may be wondering how your baby can possibly be going into preschool, kindergarten or maybe the last year of elementary school. Maybe, just maybe, there are a few of you out there who are in the same boat as me. This week I sent my oldest baby off to her last first day of school. That's right, somehow she is already a Senior in high school and I am left wondering where the time has gone.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about where the time has gone. And I keep returning to the old adage, "the days are long but the years are short." I know, I know. You've heard this before but when you are in the trenches with your baby or toddler or preschooler you might feel like this stage will never end. But I am here to tell you it will. And more importantly you will miss things from each stage.

Looking back to when my daughter was a 10 month old baby who still woke up 3 times a night and would only go back to sleep if I nursed her, I can remember thinking that I would never sleep through the night again. Eventually, she stopped needing to nurse and learned to fall back to sleep on her own. And even though I was so grateful for the uninterrupted sleep, I missed those quiet moments in the middle of the night when I would snuggle her close in the rocking chair. There was nothing quite as wonderful as those moments when she would fall asleep, sigh and smile contentedly. And even though I was exhausted, I would often sit for just a few extra minutes watching my baby sleep.


Or when she was a preschooler and no one and I mean no one but me understood her when she talked. She happened to have a pretty severe speech articulation delay. We wanted nothing more than for her to be able to speak clearly. After a few months of speech therapy, the missing sounds started to develop and suddenly more and more people could understand her. This was great for her and us. And yet, I missed hearing her say "Taby" or thank you in her language.


I even miss things from the terrible year when she was twelve. Ugh! Twelve was rough. I wasn't sure I was going to survive twelve but I did and she did too. Twelve was the year where she was still a little girl in a lot of ways but she was also fighting to become more independent, more grown up. I miss those moments when she showed her "little girl" like when she still wanted to be read to or tucked into bed or have her dad sing her her song.

This week I hugged my girl and sent her off to the first of many lasts that will happen this year. I celebrated the start of this new milestone and all the exciting things that are yet to come. I also let myself cry, just a little because I know I will miss so many things when she is off to college next year.


So just remember, "the days are long but the years are short." Know that each new stage will bring with it new challenges and things to celebrate but one thing will hold true. You will miss things, things you never thought you would miss, from each stage. So pause and enjoy the stage you are in. Don't wish it away, even the hard parts.



Wednesday, June 5, 2019

School's Out For Summer

It is hard to believe that the end of the school year is upon us. The school year brought with it a lot of fun and learning for your kids, families and our staff. Now that school is out, many parents are left wondering what they are going to do to keep their kiddos busy, entertained and learning through the summer. Never fear, we are here to share some great resources and ideas with you!

First, let's start with some summer safety tips.
  • https://www.cdc.gov/family/kids/summer/index.htm
  • http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/summerspotlight/
  • http://www.seattlechildrens.org/safety-wellness/safety/summer-safety-tips
At the end of each school year, the parents in my classes help to create a summer fun list. Below you will find several fun places to visit and adventures to go on with your children.

Parks
Water Fun
  • Carver Lake Beach
  • Splash Pads
    • Healtheast Sport Center
    • Highland Park in Cottage Grove
  • Como Pool
  • Waterworks-Battle Creek Park, St. Paul
  • Rosebrook Park & Wading Pool-2590 Fry St, Roseville
  • Lake Elmo Park Reserve
Out and About
ECFE/SR Park Playdates
Come join other ECFE/SR families for play time. There are two opportunities each week during the month of June to play and keep connected. 
  • Mondays, June 3rd, 10th, 17th & 24th 
    • 9:30-11 am at Colby Lake Park in Woodbury, off Valley Creek Rd (behind Valley Crossing School)
  • Wednesdays, June 5th, 12th, 19th & 26th
    • 9:30-11 am at Woodbridge Park, 9000 90th St. S, Cottage Grove
Have a fun and safe summer. We can't wait to see you again in the fall for ECFE and preschool classes. 


Thursday, May 16, 2019

Mindfulness for Parents and Kids

Mindfulness. Over the past few years, I have heard this word over and over again, especially in regards to education. The more I heard about it the more curious I became. So this year, one of my wonderful fellow ECFE teachers and I set out to learn more about mindfulness and see if we could teach parents and young kids mindfulness techniques. Here is what we learned.

Mindfulness is not some mystical thing. It is actually an innate ability that all of us have, even young children. Mindfulness defined in the simplest ways is the ability to pay attention to what is happening around and within you with nonjudgment and acceptance.  This short video does a great job of explaining just what mindfulness is. The narrator states "the proposition here is not that you should be rendered into some lifeless nonjudgmental blob. The proposition is that you should learn how to respond wisely to things that happen to you rather than just reacting blinding." Practicing mindfulness is a way to accomplish this.

While mindfulness is an innate ability that we all have, it is also something that needs to be practiced. We can practice mindfulness in a variety of ways. Meditation is one way we can practice mindfulness. If you are anything like me, the word meditation is a bit of a turn off. I always thought of meditation as having to sit for a long time and keep my mind blank. I have since learned that meditation is really just paying attention to one thing like your breath and then noticing when your attention has shifted and refocusing on your breath. Meditation can be done for any amount of time, even just a minute or two. Other types of mindfulness practices include yoga and calming techniques.

Kids are uniquely suited to mindfulness. Children, for the most part, live in the moment. They experience each moment fully. I recently watch a little girl with her mom move from puddle to puddle in a parking lot. She jumped joyfully in each puddle without any concern for rushing or moving to the next puddle. She wasn't paying attention to anything else but the puddle she was currently enjoying. This is mindfulness.

Mindfulness also wires our kids' brains for self-regulation. Studies using MRI imaging show that the regular practice of mindfulness grows and changes the brain in positive ways. Areas of the brain that are positively impacted include areas responsible for impulse control, decision making, emotional regulation, integration of emotions and thoughts, learning and memory. Mindfulness also helps to quiet down the part of the brain where our fight, flight or freeze response occurs. Practicing mindfulness helps us have a more accurate representation of danger, reduces stress and allows us to respond instead of react to what is going on around us.

The most exciting part of this quest to learn about mindfulness was watching the two-year-olds in our class not only participate in mindfulness activities but use them at other times on their own. We taught the parents and kids several mindfulness techniques including:

  • Smell the Flower, Blow out the Candle-Hold up your hand and say smell the flower. Have your child take a deep breath in through their nose. Then tell your child to blow out the candle. Have your child to slowly blow out your candle. Lower that finger. Repeat until your child has done this for each of your five fingers. 
  • Drive the Train- Hold up five fingers. Place your pointer finger (the train) on your other hand at the base of your thumb. Inhale through your nose while driving the train up the hill. Exhale as you drive the train down the hill. Repeat for all five fingers, moving your finger up and down each one. 
  • Volcano Breath-Fold your hands in front of your chest. Inhale through your nose. Exhale while raising your arms up and out from your body. 
  • Animal Ride-Have your child lie on their back. Place a stuffed animal on their tummy. Tell them to breathe slowly in and out to give the animal a ride. Another idea is to have your child watch you do this. Notice how they respond. I bet they will calm and be relaxed. This is another great benefit of mindfulness. When parents practice mindfulness, the benefits trickle down to their kids. 
  • Yoga-Check out Comsic Kids Yoga and Kids Yoga Stories to practice yoga with your children. 
  • Sensory Bottles-Fill a plastic bottle with colored water and glitter. Use a hot glue gun or super glue to glue the lid on the bottle. Then shake the bottle up and watch the glitter calm and settle to the bottom of the bottle. 
We practiced all of these different mindfulness techniques with the parents and kids in our twos class. Parents reported that their kids would use these different techniques at home when they were upset. One mom shared that she was getting upset and her two-year-old held up her finger and told her to blow her candle. Other parents shared that when their children were frustrated or sad they would sit down and start taking deep breaths all on their own. The kids had practiced these skills at school when they were already calm so understood they could help them feel calm. This is a key component to practicing mindfulness with children. Make it part of the routine and then they can extend it to other parts of their lives. 

Since we learned mindfulness trickles down from parents to kids, we wanted to teach parents a few mindfulness techniques for them to use. 
  • Breathe in Breathe out-Breathe in through your nose for a count of 3. Exhale out of your mouth for a count of 6. 
  • 3 X 3-Choose three objects that you can touch or see. List each object by saying "This is a ____." Take a deep breath and exhale following each item. Remember not to place any value or judgement on the items. 
  • STOP-This stands for Stop, Take a breath, Observe, then Proceed. This mindfulness technique gives you a moment to pause before you respond to what your child is doing. It takes just a few seconds and helps prevent us from blindly reacting to what is happening. 
So, what do you think? Can you find a time to fit a little mindfulness into yours and your child's daily routine? 



Wednesday, May 1, 2019

CarTalk

Are we there yet? Can I watch a show? He's touching me!!! If any of this sounds familiar, you have probably spent some time in the car with small children. Whether it is taking a family road trip or just driving around town running errands or going to activities, families spend a lot of time in their cars. 

Car rides, short or long, can lead to headaches for parents and boredom for children. Keep reading to learn some ideas to make car rides meaningful time for parents and kids. 
  • Tell a Story-Presohool aged kids and up are the perfect age for this fun game. One person starts telling a story. Then the next person adds to the story. This continues until everyone has had a chance to add to the story and the first person gets to tell the ending of the story. 
  • What am I thinking of?-Our family started playing this game when our kids were just preschoolers. One person would think of an animal, person or place. Other people in the car would ask questions like, "Is it big or little?" "What color is it?" "Where does it live?" Continue asking questions until someone is able to guess what I am thinking of. 
  • I Spy-Even young toddlers can play variations of I Spy. In the original version of I Spy, one person chooses something they see and says "I spy with my little eye something that is ____." The other people take turn trying to guess the item. Younger children can play this too by saying "I spy a stop sign." Everyone looks for a stop sign. When someone sees a stop sign, they say "I spy a stop sign."
  • Audio Books-Listening to books on tape can be a fun way to pass a car ride. Did you know you can check out audio books from the Washington County Library?
  • Car Bingo-A simple google search can lead you to many free printable car bingo games. Click here for one example. 
  • The Alphabet Game-Choose a category like fruit or animals, etc. Then take turns thinking of something that starts with each letter of the alphabet for that category. 
  • The Quiet Game-Everyone in the car has to stay quiet. First one to talk loses! Passing out a round of snacks can help make this game a success. This was always my favorite car game!
  • Sing-a-long-Pick yours and your kids' favorite songs for everyone to sing. This is a great time to pull out some of the songs you have learned here at ECFE. 
The car is also a great place to just have conversations with your child(ren). The car can be a great place to hear all about their day at school or daycare. Just don't ask "How was school?" Instead, check out this list of alternative questions to get your child talking. 

So the next time you buckle up with your kids in the car, try out one of these fun car games to make your drive better for all of you! 

Thursday, April 18, 2019

And vs. But

And & But...Two tiny yet powerful words. One is used to create connection while the other can discount another person's experience or feelings.

As parents, you have probably heard that we should label our children's emotions. Labeling our children's emotions teaches them how to identify their emotions and emotions in others. It is also a great way to show empathy to our children. Here is where the word but comes into play. As parents we often say things like, "You are sad but we need to leave the park" or "I'm sorry you are frustrated but you can't throw toys" or "I'm sorry I yelled at you but you didn't listen." What does the word but do in each of these examples? How do you feel when people say things like this to you? The word but essential discounts the first part of the message. It says that how the other person feels isn't important. If part of our goal in labeling our children's emotions is to show empathy, using the word but defeats this purpose.



So that brings us to the word and. How is the using the word and different from saying but? Using the word and allows us to be kind and firm. We can show empathy and set a limit while creating a connection with our child. In the book, Positive Discipline: The first three years, the authors discuss different ways you can use kind and firm statements.

  • Validate feelings: "I know it is hard to turn off the tv and it is time to go outside."
  • Show understanding: "You want to keep playing instead of going to bed, and it is bedtime."
  • Redirect behavior: "You don't want to put your coat on, and I don't want you to get cold. Let's race to see who can put their coat on fastest"
  • Provide a choice: You don't want to go to bed, and it is bedtime. Should I pick the book or do you want to pick?"
  • Offer a choice and then follow through by deciding what you will do: "You want to run around the store, and that is not safe. You can stay by me or go in the stroller until you are ready to walk."

Now I am not suggesting that using the word and vs but is going to be a magic wand. It doesn't mean that your child won't get upset and fight against the limit that you set. However, using the word and allows us to show empathy and set limits for our children without discounting their feelings or experiences. It helps us stay in the authoritative style of parenting. This style is often referred to as the Kind and Firm parenting style. This style of parenting is considered to be the most effective style. We want to spend as much time practicing kind and firm parenting as possible. 




Monday, April 1, 2019

Teaching Impulse Control

What is impulse control?
Impulse control is the mental brakes for our behavior. It is the ability to stop ourselves from doing something that we shouldn't. Impulse control is what stops us from eating an entire batch of cookies!

Most parents can probably think of an example of when they watched their child do something impulsive. Maybe it is when they react by hitting their sibling for grabbing a toy or having a tantrum or dumping out a bucket of toys even though you have told them not over and over again. Impulse control is developmental. Just like walking, talking and potty training, children must be physically ready to develop this skill. Unfortunately, we often expect children to have impulse control before they are ready. In their Tuning In Survey, Zero to Three found that 56% of parents believe children have the impulse control to resist the desire to do something forbidden before the age of three. Of these parents, 36% believe that children have this ability before the age of two. Brain research tells us that children start developing these skills around 3 1/2 to 4 years of age. It also takes many years of practice for them to use them consistently. 

Why is impulse control important?
Children who lack impulse control can be hard to handle. They often react instead of thinking through their actions. They may have frequent meltdowns and have trouble taking turns. Once these kids start school, they are often the one who blurts out answers, have trouble focusing and staying on task. They are also more likely to be physically aggressive and struggle with social interactions. These kids can have trouble consistently following rules, lack understanding of how their actions have consequences and impact others. So, needless to say, helping children develop impulse control is very important!

How to teach impulse control?
Remember that impulse control is developmental. Kids who are working on learning impulse control aren't going to be perfect at using these skills. Some children will seem to develop impulse control easily, while other kids will need a lot of opportunities to practice impulse control. 

Here are a few fun ways to practice impulse control with your child. 
  • Red Light, Green Light-I used this simple game as a way to allow my kids the freedom to move away from me in stores, the neighborhood, or park while keeping them within sight. My kids would wander ahead of me in the store and when I said "Red Light" they would stop and wait for me to catch up and say "Green Light." This game required them to listen, choose to follow directions, control their bodies and do something they probably didn't want to do (stop moving) for a short amount of time. 
  • Music and Dancing-A song like The Freeze Song by Greg and Steve is a great example of this but you can use any song. Play the song and dance around with your child. If you are using The Freeze Song, stop moving when the music stops. If you are using a different song, periodically stop the song and freeze. 
  • Follow the Leader-You and your child can take turns being the leader. The leader chooses a movement and everyone else follows. Playing this game requires kids to wait their turn to be the leader and follow "directions."
  • Simon Says-This is another easy activity that requires kids to listen, move their bodies in a specific, controlled manner and restrain themselves from doing something that Simon doesn't say. To play, one person is Simon. They say things like jump up and down or touch your nose. The other players only do the action if Simon says "Simon says jump up and down." If a player does the action when Simon doesn't say "Simon says" they are out. 
  • Freeze Tag-Kids have to freeze or stop moving and then wait for a friend to unfreeze them once they are tagged. 
  • Board games-Even easy board games that are designed for younger kids are a good way to practice impulse control. Kids have to wait for their turn, follow directions and regulate their reaction to winning or losing.