Mine! Mine! Mine!

Let me set the scene for you: Your two-year-old and his friend are playing nicely next to each other. Suddenly you hear your child shout, "Mine!", and grab the train his friend is holding. These moments can be frustrating and embarrassing for parents. We want our kids to be nice and have friends. We also don't want other parents to judge us or our children. 

So let's first take a look at why sharing is hard for young children. First, the ability to share doesn't develop as early as many parents believe. In fact, in their annual survey of parents, Zero to Three found that 43% of parents believe that children under the age of two can share and take turns with others. The reality is that this skill develops between the ages of three and four. And even then, our kiddos aren't going to be able to share 100% of the time. Secondly, toddlers are going through a major cognitive shift. They are beginning to understand that they are a separate person from those around them. However, they can only see situations from their own perspective. This is where the toddler property laws come into play. 

This also means that, for young children, their property is part of their identity. Thirdly, sharing and taking turns is hard for young children because it requires executive functioning skills that they need to be taught. A child has to be able to stop what they are doing (inhibitory control) to let another child have a turn. When it is your child's turn again, they have to remember what they were doing (working memory). If other kids do something unexpected, your child has to adjust to this (mental flexibility). 

Now that we understand why sharing is hard for kids, it's time to tackle the how. How do we teach our children to share?

Avoid Forced Sharing

Think back to the scene described above. How would you respond? Many parents might force their child to share. Unfortunately this approach doesn't actually encourage sharing. Sharing is an early form of generosity. One of the reasons people are generous is that it makes the giver feel good. When our children share voluntarily they have the opportunity to experience that good feeling of making someone else happy. Forced sharing causes children to associate sharing with negative feelings. 

Model Sharing

Our kids are watching us. If they see us sharing, they will be more likely to share. Be sure to point out when you are sharing. "I have lots of blocks. I can share some with you."

Sportscasting or Narrating

State what is happening. "Emma was playing with the shovel. Jonathan grabbed it from her. Emma grabbed it back. Now both of you are crying." This approach can draw kids attention away from the item to you. It can slow down the interaction, give them a chance to calm down and start problem solving. 

Use a timer 

A big part of sharing or taking turns is being able to stop what you are doing. This can be hard for kids to do on their own. Using a timer gives your child time to finish playing with a toy. It also provides a natural end point. Timers can also help your child understand they will get a turn again. 

Help Your Child Wait

Help your child find something else to do while they wait. "You want a turn with the trike. Becca is riding it right now. Do you want to kick the ball with me or draw with chalk while you wait?"

Allow Your Child Not to Share

Let your child pick a few special toys to put away before friends come over. Sharing is hard. Asking your child to share their brand new toy or their most favorite toy isn't setting your child up for successful sharing. 

Remember that sharing is a difficult skill for kids to learn. It requires lots of practice and patience!

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Well, winter has officially arrived here in Minnesota. There is a definite chill in the air. Those of us who live here know that winter in Minnesota can be a beautiful season with snow and winter activities. But we also know that winter can be brutal and LONG!!! Now seems like a good time to share some Winter Family Fun Ideas with all of you.

Take an ECFE Class
Our winter/spring brochure will be coming out soon at www.cecool.com. Registration opens on Nov. 27th. Here are a few suggestions to check out.
Drop-in Play-Fridays at 11:00 at CP. Families can join Miss Catie for fun activities, playtime and circle time. The cost is ????
Building Your Child's Brain (Online Class)-This is a six week hybrid online class. Families meet in person for the first and last class and online line for the four weeks in between. Ninety percent of brain development happens between birth to age 5. This class will explore how movement, play, technology and parent-child relationships impact brain development.
New to ECFE-If you have never taken an ECFE class this birth to 5 class is the one for you. It is a great way to learn more about our wonderful program.
Dad's Class-This Saturday morning class is a fun activity filled class for dad's and their birth to 5 kiddos.

Get Outside and Play
Sledding-check out Highland Park in Cottage Grove and Ojibway Park in Woodbury.
Ice Skating at Healtheast Sports Center in Woodbury.
Snow painting-fill squirt or spray bottles with colored water and let your child paint the snow.
Build a snowman
Check out one of the many Nature Centers in the Twin Cities:

• Carpenter Nature Center-12805 St. Croix Trail, Hastings
• Dodge Nature Center
• Tamarack Nature Center
• Oakdale Discovery Center

Toddler Times
Mall of America Toddler Tuesdays
Lil' Explorers at Como Zoo
Preschool Open Gym at Perpetual Motion

Story Time
Story Time at Washington County Libraries
Tail Time! @ Wild Rumpus
Choo Choo Bob's

Other Places to Visit
Kids Oasis
Animal Humane Society in Woodbury
MN Children's Museum
MN Zoo
Morning Splashtacular at The Grove

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A "Time"-ly Blog

The day many parents of young children dread is fast approaching. And no, I am not talking about Halloween. While the thought sugar-hyped toddlers and preschoolers might strike fear in the heart of some, it is the looming end of Daylight Savings that most of us parents dread. Seriously, whoever thought messing with the clock was a good idea obviously didn't have young children!

While some young children make the transition without a hitch, most parents find that, whether falling back or springing ahead, the time change messes with their child's sleep schedule. This leaves parents to deal with cranky and tired kids. Below are some tips to hopefully help you avoid this:

Or this:

Take Small Steps Ahead of Time
In this approach, you adjust your child's bedtime by moving it 15 minutes later every couple of days. 2017 bedtime example: If your child's normal bedtime is 8 pm, start by moving it to 8:15 on Oct. 29 and 30, then 8:30 on Oct. 31 and Nov. 1, then 8:45 on Nov. 2 and 3, then 9 pm on Nov. 4. The on Nov. 5th when the time changes has occurred your child's bedtime will be back to 8 pm.

Start Changing Before and Finish After
This approach also adjusts your child's bedtime by moving it 15 minutes later every few days. However, in this approach you start in a few days before the time change and finish it after the change has happened. 2017 bedtime example: If your child's normal bedtime is 8 pm, start by moving it to 8:15 on Nov. 1 and 2, then 8:30 on Nov. 3 and 4. On Nov. 5 and 6 when the time change has happened your child's bedtime will be 7:45. Bedtime will be back to it's usual 8 pm by Nov. 7th.

The goal of both of these approaches is to make the change to your child's bedtime a gradual shift. Young children are less capable of handling sleep deprivation than adults and need more sleep. Toddlers and Preschoolers need between 12-14 hours of sleep a day, including naps.

Remember all children are different. Some children won't even notice the time change. Other children will need time to adjust. Hopefully these approaches can help ease any disruption to your child's schedule. 

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!

At some point, all parents will encounter the moment when their sweet little cherub tells a whopper of a lie. Young children's first attempts at lying are often quite comical because, let's face it, they just aren't very good at it. As parents, we might laugh at these initial attempts at lying. But at the same time, we feel a sense of discomfort and unease. We are often left asking, "How do I make my child tell the truth?"

Before diving into how to stop our kids from lying, lets take a look at why kids lie. First, it is important to remember that, up to age five, children do not have a clear understanding of right and wrong or reality versus fantasy. A child might lie because that is what they wish to have happen. For example, a young child might tell their dad that mommy said they could have a cookie even though that is not the truth.

Fear of punishment is also a common reason behind young children's lying. Check out this cute video of a toddler lying to stay out of trouble. It is important to remember young children are just starting to develop self-control. They can't always stop themselves from doing something they shouldn't. When confronted with what they did and their parent's displeasure, young children will often lie to stay out of trouble.

The upside of young children lying is that it indicates an important step in brain/cognitive development. A child who lies understands that other people can have different beliefs than their own. They understand that people's experiences shape their beliefs. They also understand that beliefs and reality are not the same. Check out this clip to learn more about this aspect of children's cognitive development. 

So lets get back to that all important questions, "How do I make my child tell the truth?" It is helpful to reframe how you think about lying. Instead of viewing lying as misbehavior, view it as a sign that your child is missing knowledge and skills. Lying can be seen as an opportunity to teach about telling the truth.

If you catch your child in a wishful lie, a good way to handle it is to respond by recognizing their wish. "I know you wish you could have a cookie before dinner. You like cookies. We eat our 'good for us' food before treats."

Parents can feel angry when they catch their child doing something undesirable. And when you add lying on top of it....well, we all know that just makes it worse. In these moments if we respond with anger and shame, we may actually be reinforcing lying. Our child will focus on our reaction versus what we want them to learn. So, as hard as it is, stay calm and teach. One way we can do this is to make observations instead of asking questions. Using the video of the lying toddler as an example a parent could say, "I see you found my lipstick and decorated my mirror. Mommy's lipstick is just for mommy. Let's get this cleaned up." Have your child help you clean up. Then invite them to draw with you with crayons and paper. "You like to draw. Let's draw together with some markers and paper."

Remember lying is a normal part of development. When your cherub tells a whopper, see it as an opportunity to teach about the truth. And enjoy and a good chuckle!

Why Do They Act Like That?

Several years ago my husband and I took our three kids, who at the time were 11, 8 and 6, to the MN Science Museum to celebrate our eldest's birthday. It was one of those perfect family outings. No one complained. The kids took turns trying out all the hands-on exhibits. And most importantly they didn't bicker or pick on one another at all. If only this blissful outing could have lasted!

When it was time to leave, we piled into our van and, as the doors shut, my son let out three big burps. They were the kind of burps 6-year-old boys pride themselves on and find hysterical. Not everyone in the car was nearly as delighted with the burps as he was. As I turned around to tell him to say "excuse me," I saw my 8-year-old daughter lean over and deliver three quick punches to his arm while screaming "THAT'S DISGUSTING!" So what did I do? How did I respond? I took a deep breath. Turned to her and tried to make a connection by saying "I know it really upsets you when..."---Oh wait---That is what I should have done. Instead I am pretty sure I yelled so loudly that all of downtown St. Paul heard me: "What were you thinking? Why would you do that?" All of this and more came out of my mouth in a fury. Once we all managed to calm down, the overriding thought I kept having was, "Why does she act like that?"

The answer to this burning question that most parents at some point will ask is the brain. In No Drama Discipline:The Whole Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind, Drs. Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson explain that we have an Upstairs Brain (the prefrontal cortex) and the Downstairs Brain (limbic and brainstem.) The Upstairs Brain contains the more advanced brain functions, e.g., problem-solving and self-regulation. The Downstairs Brain is more primitive and is responsible for regular functioning, emotional response and safety.

So which part of her brain, upstairs or downstairs, was my daughter in when she lost her mind over her brother's burps? She was most certainly in her downstairs brain. She was having a fight, flight or flee response to what she perceived as a threat. You might be thinking how can a burp possibly make her feel threatened. She is temperamentally sensitive to sounds and smells and can have a strong physical response to these. Combine her brother burping with her being tired and hungry and we had the perfect storm for her to feel threatened.


A child in their downstairs brain is not capable of learning, being reasoned with or even explaining why they acted the way they did. Their only concern is with either feeling safe or connected. It is our job of parents to help our child move from their downstairs brain to their upstairs brain before we discipline or teach.

How could I have helped move my daughter from her downstairs brain to her upstairs brain? Well, most importantly I should have remained calm. Yelling at her probably only increased the sense of threat she was feeling. I should have moved her away from the threat by taking her out of the car and given her a safe place next to me to calm down. Once I had helped her feel safe and created a connection with her, I could then teach her how to react when she feels threatened in the future. The key to remember is "Connect Before You Correct."

Remember, even parents can fall into their downstairs brain! Something I forgot when dealing with the big burp incident. We need to take time to calm ourselves down and move back into our upstairs brain before we try to teach our kiddos. It's okay to take a deep breath or a mommy or daddy time out to calm yourself down.

Welcome Back

Welcome to the 2017/2018 school year!

We are so excited to see our returning families and meet our new families in just a few short days. Our 3's preschool, 4-year-old preK and ECFE classes start on Monday, September 11th. Keep reading for learn more about all the great things going on in our District 833 early learning programs.

3's Preschool and 4-year-old preK
We are very excited that this year our 3's Preschool and 4-year-old preK programs are working closely to align with one another. Over the summer our teachers went through training on the new TS Gold assessment tool. The best part of this new tool is it can be used across our early learning programs because it is based on the developmental sequence that all kids go through.
Another way our preschool programs are striving for alignment is by choosing an overall focus on social emotional development. Research shows that a child's social and behavioral competency predicts their future academic success to a greater extent than their cognitive skills. Helping your child feel safe and connected at school is key to preparing them for the next big step, Kindergarten.
We are also very excited about our new Preschool Parent Text to Connect program. Parents who sign up for this program will receive information about child development and tips for encouraging their child's development. More information on this program and how to sign up will be coming soon.

ECFE
This year along with offering our age specific class we have several new classes including:
The Generous Child: How to Teach Generosity-this is a hybrid online class. Families will meet in person the first week to get to know one another and enjoy some parent/child activities. The next four weeks parents will utilize an online class format to learn more about how to encourage generosity in their child. The class will meet in person for the final week to do a family service project together.
Pinehaven Farm Field Trip- Families will enjoy a morning on the farm. Meeting and learning about animals and the farm. Transportation is provided to and from Central Park and the DPC.
We have also brought back our class for parents of multiples, Grandpa/Grandma and me, Saturday parent child activity class, and STEM. Be sure to check out our brochure at www.cecool.com for more information on all our class and events. Registration is still open for any classes with space available.

We want to thank you for trusting us with your child for the coming year. We look forward to getting know all of our families.

Summer Fun for Families

It's hard to believe that we are nearing the end of another fantastic year in ECFE!  Your teachers are incredibly thankful for the time and effort you've made to come to class.  Serving your family has been rewarding for each one of us.  Whether you are brand new to our program or have been coming for years, we hope that you move into your summer with new resources, friendships, and memories.

The final blog for this year will focus on some ways that you can enjoy your upcoming summer safely.  Secondly, there are many great activities to take in around the twin cities with your little ones and we'll highlight some that are particularly noteworthy.  Finally, we'll share a list of parenting books that may be worth taking to the beach on a lazy afternoon.

Safety

When you are the parent of small children, safety is at the forefront of your thoughts nearly every minute.  Everything in your environment may look like a potential hazard right now, especially if your child is becoming more independent by the day.  While making sure that you apply sunscreen and put a hat on your child are important reminders, there are even more things that you can do to ensure your child's safety.

• Never underestimate the power of supervision.  As tempting as it can be to send your child outside to play for a few minutes of quiet, remember that it doesn't take long for your child to find danger.  Taking turns supervising with a neighbor can help keep tabs on each other's  kiddos and keep everyone safe.
• Master water safety.  Keeping your child in a life jacket when they are near water is a must if they have not yet learned to swim.  Younger children are especially prone to being drawn to bodies of water.  Keeping an eye on them may not be enough.
• Pay attention to signs of heat-related illness.  Dressing in cool clothing, staying hydrated, getting out of the sun during the hottest parts of the day, and cooling off in a pool are great ways to beat the heat.
• Use child-friendly bug repellent.  Nobody likes bug bites and it can be difficult to help your child get comfortable when they're covered in them.  You may even be able to find a sunscreen with bug repellent in it!
• Discuss and practice a word that you can use with your child to help them immediately stop.  Some families use the word "freeze"!  Helping your child practice stopping right when you say "freeze" will give you some peace of mind in parking lots and streets.  Little ones may not understand the dangers that face them in these places.  Explaining safety to them and practicing safe strategies with them is a great idea.
• Use bike helmets!  Every time your child gets on a bike or scooter, make it a rule that they wear their helmets.  Even if your child is a passenger in a cart behind your bike, don't let them ride without one.  Model this rule by wearing one yourself. 

You can find additional summer safety tips at the following links:

https://www.cdc.gov/family/kids/summer/
http://www.parents.com/baby/safety/outdoor/child-summer-safety-rules/
http://www.naeyc.org/tyc/article/summer_safety_tips

Fun Family Activities

We are fortunate to live in a part of the country that is so beautiful in the summer!  If you've survived a Minnesota winter, you know that the warm, sunny days of summer are well deserved.  We'll look at some specific family-friendly places with websites for more information:

Como Park, Zoo, & Conservatory:  This little gem is just 15 minutes west on Interstate 94 and is a great destination for families.  Between the traditional zoo animals, fun at Como Town, the carousel, and the conservatory, families will have endless fun for very little money.  Take a picnic lunch and virtually everything else is free!  http://www.comozooconservatory.org/

Minnesota Children's Museum:  You may already be aware that the museum has been undergoing significant renovations.  The great news is that the grand opening is June 7th!  There are 10 new exhibits to explore and endless fun for little ones.  It's a perfect rainy day activity.  https://mcm.org/

Battle Creek Regional Park:  This beautiful park is just minutes from Woodbury and Cottage Grove and is packed with fun.  You'll enjoy a large playground, a dog park, picnic facilities, and the Battle Creek Waterworks facility (at a cost).  Check it out!  https://www.ramseycounty.us/residents/parks-recreation/parks-trails/find-park/battle-creek-regional-park

Edinborough Park (Edina):  If you're willing to drive a little further for some fun, Edinborough Park is one of the largest indoor playgrounds in the country.  Admission is $7.50 and is well worth the price.  There are several play areas, including a spot for toddlers.  Just remember to bring socks as they're required in this shoeless environment.  http://edinamn.gov/index.php?section=edinborough-park

Carver Lake Park & Beach:  For a great, little local beach, check out Carver Lake in Woodbury!  It's a beautiful spot nestled right in the middle of the city.  There are places to play, picnic, and swim.  Just remember that it is an unguarded beach...you'll need to keep a close eye on your little ones in the water.  https://www.woodburymn.gov/departments/parks_and_trails/carver_lake_park_beach.php

Other links for local family fun:
http://www.familyfuntwincities.com/
http://www.scarymommy.com/10-things-to-do-with-kids-in-the-twin-cities/
http://www.twincitiesfrugalmom.com/deals-events-calendar/

Summer Reading
If you enjoy reading and like to take the summer to catch up on all of the books you meant to read during the year, here is a short list to get you started.  Some of these titles are new and some are classics.  All are worth considering!  This was compiled with tips from parent educators all over the state of Minnesota:

"The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children" by Alison Gopnik

"Raising a Secure Child:  How Circle of Security Parenting Can Help You Nurture Your Child's Attachment, Emotional Resilience, and Freedom to Explore" by Hoffman, Cooper, & Powell

"The Whole-Brain Child:  12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind" by Siegel & Bryson

"No Drama Discipline:  The Whole Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind"  by Siegel & Bryson

"Between Parent and Child:  Revised and Updated:  The Best-Selling Classic that Revolutionized Parent-Child Communication"  by Haim Ginott & Alice Ginott

"Your Self-Confident Baby:  How to Encourage Your Child's Natural Abilities--From the Very Start"  by Magda Gerber

"Three Key Years:  Talk-Read-Play-Sing To Support and Help Every Child in America"  by George Halvorson

"Brain Rules for Baby:  How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five"  by John Medina

"Simplicity Parenting:  Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids"  by John Payne and Lisa Ross

"NurtureShock:  New Thinking About Children"  by Poe Bronson & Ashley Merryman

From all of us at ECFE, we wish you a safe and fun summer.  Registration for fall classes will come later this summer so keep watching your mailboxes for the catalog!  We can't wait to see you back in September.