Everyone has different reasons that they love attending ECFE. Maybe you come for the amazing one on one time that you get with your child. You may really enjoy the connection with other parents of little ones. You might also love the quality early childhood education that you know your child experiences. Undoubtedly, as educators, we're pretty proud of the program that we get to offer to your family!
Whatever your reason is for joining ECFE (and staying as long as some of you have), we're glad you're here. During your time in ECFE, you have likely had a cooperative learning experience without even realizing it. What exactly IS "cooperative learning"? Well, according to Johnson, Johnson, & Holubec (2008), "Cooperation is working together to accomplish shared goals." They go on to say that "Cooperative learning is the instructional use of small groups so that students work together to maximize their own and each other's learning (p. 1:5)." Have you experienced this concept in your parent education class? If not, it's likely coming soon to a classroom near you!
Why should we learn cooperatively? Cooperative learning leads to a number of positive outcomes. First of all, as a learner, there are greater efforts to achieve. This means that every learner is more productive and has greater intrinsic motivation to succeed. Secondly, as groups work together, more positive relationships among students are fostered. Valuing personal social support, diversity, and cohesion is something that fits naturally in ECFE. Finally, cooperative learning leads to greater psychological health, including a greater ability to cope with adversity and stress. You don't have to live with a toddler for very long before you start to understand stress!
In all of our classes, we love connection. Your educators love to see families connecting with one another in a way that fosters encouragement, stress relief, and lifelong friendships. Coming together to participate in your own learning is one of the things your parent educators love the most to see! The longer you're in the program, the more you see the benefits of cooperation among group members.
Johnson, Johnson, & Holubec also state that "the purpose of cooperative groups is to make each member a stronger individual in his or her own right (2008, pg. 6:18)." How great is that? Families that attend ECFE classes and work cooperatively with their peers to learn about healthy parent and child relationships become STRONGER. As a result, your stress level is reduced, your understanding of your child is increased, and your relationship with your child is strengthened. On top of that, along the way, you've come alongside your new friends to help them reach the same goals. Amazing.
So the next time your parent educator asks you to turn to your neighbor to share, to read through a common parenting issue and problem solve in a small group, or to teach a new concept to a partner, just smile and know that you're in for a treat. You're about to experience cooperative learning.
Johnson, D. W., Johnson, R. T., & Johnson Holubec, E. (2008). Cooperation in the classroom
(8th ed.). Edina, MN: Interaction Book Company.
Friday, April 14, 2017
Monday, March 20, 2017
Overindulgence?
What is overindulgence? Some may say it's a second helping of dessert! Some may say it's springing for those must have shoes that cost a little too much. Some may even say that overindulgence is the spice of life and none of them would be wrong. Overindulgence can be a fun way to treat ourselves after completing a big project or reaching a life goal. It can be a way to reward ourselves after working hard at a job well done.
What about overindulgence with children, though? What about the occasional treat or reward for a job well done? What about buying the little toy at the store, just for fun? Is that the spice of life or is it giving them more than they may need? The line may be more thin than we realize.
Finding balance between too little and too much of anything is the key and it's not always easy. If you feel like you struggle with this elusive thing called balance, then you are not alone. In her book, How Much is Too Much?: Everything you need to know to steer clear of overindulgence and raise likeable, responsible, and respectful children from toddler to teen (2004), Jean Illsley Clarke defines overindulgence in the following way:
Let's read that again: "Scarcity in the midst of plenty". Does your child ever look around his or her toy room and exclaim that they're bored?!! Or do they sit in their seat at a live character production that you paid a LOT of money to go to and say "this is BORING"?!! Those are just examples, but may be a little window into their soul. There's not much that's more frustrating for a parent than hearing their child complain when they are surrounded by So. Much. Stuff.
Clarke shares the three ways that we may be overindulging:
Some questions to ask yourself if you're concerned about overindulgence:
And finally, remember that "occasional indulgences add color, pleasure, and joy to life. When those same indulgences become a pattern, however, the result is very different (Clarke, pg. 3)". I'm not suggesting to swear off of all treats and everything fun. Just watch for the pattern.
What about overindulgence with children, though? What about the occasional treat or reward for a job well done? What about buying the little toy at the store, just for fun? Is that the spice of life or is it giving them more than they may need? The line may be more thin than we realize.
Finding balance between too little and too much of anything is the key and it's not always easy. If you feel like you struggle with this elusive thing called balance, then you are not alone. In her book, How Much is Too Much?: Everything you need to know to steer clear of overindulgence and raise likeable, responsible, and respectful children from toddler to teen (2004), Jean Illsley Clarke defines overindulgence in the following way:
"Overindulging children is giving them too much of what looks good, too soon, and for too long. It is giving them things or experiences that are not appropriate for their age or their interests and talents. It is the process of giving things to children to meet the adults needs, not the child's. Overindulgence is giving a disproportionate amount of family resources to one or more children in a way that appears to be meeting the children's needs but does not, so children experience scarcity in the midst of plenty. (Clarke, 2004, pg. xvii)"
Let's read that again: "Scarcity in the midst of plenty". Does your child ever look around his or her toy room and exclaim that they're bored?!! Or do they sit in their seat at a live character production that you paid a LOT of money to go to and say "this is BORING"?!! Those are just examples, but may be a little window into their soul. There's not much that's more frustrating for a parent than hearing their child complain when they are surrounded by So. Much. Stuff.
Clarke shares the three ways that we may be overindulging:
- Too Much: this is really too much of anything. It happens when we struggle with not understanding what "enough" is.
- Over-Nurturing: overdoing, spoiling, giving too much attention, doing things for children that they should be doing for themselves, and not expecting children to think of others.
- Soft Structure: lack of rules and expectations, not teaching important life skills, and shielding children from the natural consequences of their behaviors and choices.
Some questions to ask yourself if you're concerned about overindulgence:
- Is this something my children really needs?
- Is my child helping in an age-appropriate way at home?
- Whose need am I trying to meet? Theirs or mine?
- Is this activity or event taking too many of our family resources (time, money, attention)?
- What did this look like in my family of origin?
And finally, remember that "occasional indulgences add color, pleasure, and joy to life. When those same indulgences become a pattern, however, the result is very different (Clarke, pg. 3)". I'm not suggesting to swear off of all treats and everything fun. Just watch for the pattern.
Monday, March 6, 2017
You Are Seen
I see you. I know how tired and worn out you feel right now.
Parenting is hard. It's been said that it's the hardest job you'll ever love. Today, you may feel like you want to throw in the towel and go back to bed. Maybe you've felt that way for a very long time and you're wondering when you're going to feel like yourself again. Maybe you're afraid that your personal struggles are impacting your child. Maybe you're longing for happier days when the sun was shining and your mood felt lighter.
As a mom myself, I can tell you that I've been there. There are days that I'm still there. And at ECFE, you are surrounded by teachers, paraprofessionals, and other parents that have felt exactly the same way. For some reason, though, we feel the need to keep it all together. To look like we've got it all figured out and that parenting is a piece of cake. Why do we do that?
For some, we may feel like parenting should be easier than it is. We look at our new, fresh little one and while we know how much we love him or her, we feel a little bit like it's not what we signed up for. Sleepless nights, constant feeding, and incessant crying bring us to the edge of ourselves. And we allow ourselves to feel shame when we shouldn't, because sometimes it's just hard to have a new baby!
For some, the energy of our busy toddler is exhausting. We get to the end of the day and realize that the toys are 2 feet deep across the living room, the little cherub is fighting sleep for what feels like hours, and your parenting partner isn't due home for a long time. There's no end in sight, or so it seems. And we allow ourselves to feel shame when we shouldn't, because sometimes it's just hard to have a toy-wrecking machine that refuses to sleep and only eats chicken nuggets and cheese.
For some, you've hit the school years and you thought you'd feel better about parenting...that somehow less time with your child would give you some relief...and you find that you spend a good chunk of your day thinking about the challenges that face him or her at school and you're tired. You want the best for your children and you feel like somehow, you're letting them down. And you allow yourself to feel shame when you shouldn't, because sometimes it's just hard to realize that we can't fix every difficulty that our kids encounter.
Hold on, kind and worn out parent. You are seen.
You are seen by the grandparent at the grocery store that offers to help bag your groceries so you can get out of the store more quickly with your crying baby or restless toddler. You are seen by your neighbor that pops over with coffee and doesn't care how dirty your house is. You are seen by your child's school teacher that reassures you that your kiddo is as awesome as you know they are. And you are seen by us...your community at ECFE.
Rest in the safety and kindness that your community provides. Allow yourself to be transparent with at least a few close friends or family members, so you can know that you aren't alone. One of our biggest goals for parents that attend our classes is that you'd feel welcome and supported. Parenting is hard. Finding a source of support is the best gift you can give yourself when the struggle is real.
Release the shame. "Unlike guilt, which is the feeling of doing something wrong, shame is the feeling of being something wrong." ~~Marilyn J. Sorensen. You are the perfect parent for your child. You are exactly what he or she needs. You are enough. We will all make parenting mistakes at one time or another, but that does not define our parenting. It makes us human. Your child will learn far more from your humanness than from your perfection.
Reach out. If you feel like the sadness just won't lift, reach out to your parent educator or your child's teacher. They may have a resource for you that you haven't tried yet. They can point you in the direction that's right for you, and most importantly, they will listen (even when your child doesn't!).
We are here and we are ready to help. Hold on. You are seen and cared for!
Finally, for more on releasing shame and embracing vulnerability, this book is an amazing read about life and parenting. Check it out!
Parenting is hard. It's been said that it's the hardest job you'll ever love. Today, you may feel like you want to throw in the towel and go back to bed. Maybe you've felt that way for a very long time and you're wondering when you're going to feel like yourself again. Maybe you're afraid that your personal struggles are impacting your child. Maybe you're longing for happier days when the sun was shining and your mood felt lighter.
As a mom myself, I can tell you that I've been there. There are days that I'm still there. And at ECFE, you are surrounded by teachers, paraprofessionals, and other parents that have felt exactly the same way. For some reason, though, we feel the need to keep it all together. To look like we've got it all figured out and that parenting is a piece of cake. Why do we do that?
For some, we may feel like parenting should be easier than it is. We look at our new, fresh little one and while we know how much we love him or her, we feel a little bit like it's not what we signed up for. Sleepless nights, constant feeding, and incessant crying bring us to the edge of ourselves. And we allow ourselves to feel shame when we shouldn't, because sometimes it's just hard to have a new baby!
For some, the energy of our busy toddler is exhausting. We get to the end of the day and realize that the toys are 2 feet deep across the living room, the little cherub is fighting sleep for what feels like hours, and your parenting partner isn't due home for a long time. There's no end in sight, or so it seems. And we allow ourselves to feel shame when we shouldn't, because sometimes it's just hard to have a toy-wrecking machine that refuses to sleep and only eats chicken nuggets and cheese.
For some, you've hit the school years and you thought you'd feel better about parenting...that somehow less time with your child would give you some relief...and you find that you spend a good chunk of your day thinking about the challenges that face him or her at school and you're tired. You want the best for your children and you feel like somehow, you're letting them down. And you allow yourself to feel shame when you shouldn't, because sometimes it's just hard to realize that we can't fix every difficulty that our kids encounter.
Hold on, kind and worn out parent. You are seen.
You are seen by the grandparent at the grocery store that offers to help bag your groceries so you can get out of the store more quickly with your crying baby or restless toddler. You are seen by your neighbor that pops over with coffee and doesn't care how dirty your house is. You are seen by your child's school teacher that reassures you that your kiddo is as awesome as you know they are. And you are seen by us...your community at ECFE.
Rest in the safety and kindness that your community provides. Allow yourself to be transparent with at least a few close friends or family members, so you can know that you aren't alone. One of our biggest goals for parents that attend our classes is that you'd feel welcome and supported. Parenting is hard. Finding a source of support is the best gift you can give yourself when the struggle is real.
Release the shame. "Unlike guilt, which is the feeling of doing something wrong, shame is the feeling of being something wrong." ~~Marilyn J. Sorensen. You are the perfect parent for your child. You are exactly what he or she needs. You are enough. We will all make parenting mistakes at one time or another, but that does not define our parenting. It makes us human. Your child will learn far more from your humanness than from your perfection.
Reach out. If you feel like the sadness just won't lift, reach out to your parent educator or your child's teacher. They may have a resource for you that you haven't tried yet. They can point you in the direction that's right for you, and most importantly, they will listen (even when your child doesn't!).
We are here and we are ready to help. Hold on. You are seen and cared for!
Finally, for more on releasing shame and embracing vulnerability, this book is an amazing read about life and parenting. Check it out!
Thursday, February 23, 2017
Are You Helping Your Child Too Much?
"Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed."-Maria Montessori
How often do you find yourself wondering if you're doing too much for your child? Do you sometimes become frustrated that your little one isn't pitching in enough at home? Do you feel as though your child may be capable of more than they let on? If so, you're probably right! Our intentions as parents are almost always pure and come from a place of love for our children. We love them and want to help them. Then suddenly, while picking up the toy room for the thousandth time, we feel bitter.
The good news is that young children LOVE to feel capable and successful. They feel good when they accomplish a difficult task and for the most part, they like to help. At any moment, parents can decide to develop their child's "helper" mentality and this is good for the entire family! It's been said that the child is a member of the family, not the center of the family. When families decide to work together and each member has responsibilities, many hands can make light work.
So now you're scratching your head, wondering what tasks are age appropriate for your little one. You're in luck! This blog should give you some ideas and resources for where to start:
Infants: We all know that babies need a lot of assistance. Their self-help skills are limited and it's unrealistic that we expect them to start carrying their weight around the house! That being said, there are some self-help skills that you can encourage your baby to develop as they grow. For instance, as baby grows, they can begin to participate and take charge of mealtime by feeding themselves, holding a cup or bottle, and sitting up and entertaining themselves through play. As your child gains these skills, you may begin to see their role as an individual. As hard as it can be to watch them become increasingly independent of you, you also get an up-close view of their successes. The more they accomplish, the more capable they feel. And that's pretty awesome for a parent to see! You can learn more about this here.
Toddlers: These little bundles of love are usually much more capable than they get credit for! By the time a child is two or three, they can start to help clean up toys, wash their own hands with some assistance, put clothes in the hamper, and start to learn to use the potty. Every task may take 10 times as long as you'd like, but the joy you see on your child's face when you're able to praise them for a job well-done is priceless. It's a good idea to build some extra time into your schedule whenever possible to accommodate your child's desire to "do it myself".
Preschoolers: The great thing about preschoolers is that communication comes much more easily for them. They are able to follow two to three step directions, fold easy laundry like socks and washcloths, pick up toys, and dress themselves. They may love to brush their own teeth, but it's still a good idea for a parent to assist. They may respond well to setting a timer and getting as many tasks done as they can in five minutes. They will also love to help bag groceries at the grocery store. The key to remember is that they may not accomplish the task in the same way that you would, but with gentle guidance, they will learn the tricks of the trade quickly!
If adults can surrender the desire for perfection, children can be cheerful helpers! Growing a capable mind in your child is a gift to them and to you.
More resources:
http://www.easternflorida.edu/community-resources/child-development-centers/parent-resource-library/documents/self-help-skills-chores.pdf
http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/documents/teaching_routines.pdf
https://www.verywell.com/preschooler-self-care-skills-2764714
How often do you find yourself wondering if you're doing too much for your child? Do you sometimes become frustrated that your little one isn't pitching in enough at home? Do you feel as though your child may be capable of more than they let on? If so, you're probably right! Our intentions as parents are almost always pure and come from a place of love for our children. We love them and want to help them. Then suddenly, while picking up the toy room for the thousandth time, we feel bitter.
The good news is that young children LOVE to feel capable and successful. They feel good when they accomplish a difficult task and for the most part, they like to help. At any moment, parents can decide to develop their child's "helper" mentality and this is good for the entire family! It's been said that the child is a member of the family, not the center of the family. When families decide to work together and each member has responsibilities, many hands can make light work.
So now you're scratching your head, wondering what tasks are age appropriate for your little one. You're in luck! This blog should give you some ideas and resources for where to start:
Infants: We all know that babies need a lot of assistance. Their self-help skills are limited and it's unrealistic that we expect them to start carrying their weight around the house! That being said, there are some self-help skills that you can encourage your baby to develop as they grow. For instance, as baby grows, they can begin to participate and take charge of mealtime by feeding themselves, holding a cup or bottle, and sitting up and entertaining themselves through play. As your child gains these skills, you may begin to see their role as an individual. As hard as it can be to watch them become increasingly independent of you, you also get an up-close view of their successes. The more they accomplish, the more capable they feel. And that's pretty awesome for a parent to see! You can learn more about this here.
Toddlers: These little bundles of love are usually much more capable than they get credit for! By the time a child is two or three, they can start to help clean up toys, wash their own hands with some assistance, put clothes in the hamper, and start to learn to use the potty. Every task may take 10 times as long as you'd like, but the joy you see on your child's face when you're able to praise them for a job well-done is priceless. It's a good idea to build some extra time into your schedule whenever possible to accommodate your child's desire to "do it myself".
Preschoolers: The great thing about preschoolers is that communication comes much more easily for them. They are able to follow two to three step directions, fold easy laundry like socks and washcloths, pick up toys, and dress themselves. They may love to brush their own teeth, but it's still a good idea for a parent to assist. They may respond well to setting a timer and getting as many tasks done as they can in five minutes. They will also love to help bag groceries at the grocery store. The key to remember is that they may not accomplish the task in the same way that you would, but with gentle guidance, they will learn the tricks of the trade quickly!
If adults can surrender the desire for perfection, children can be cheerful helpers! Growing a capable mind in your child is a gift to them and to you.
More resources:
http://www.easternflorida.edu/community-resources/child-development-centers/parent-resource-library/documents/self-help-skills-chores.pdf
http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/documents/teaching_routines.pdf
https://www.verywell.com/preschooler-self-care-skills-2764714
Monday, February 6, 2017
Supporting the "Picky Eater"
One of the things that is overheard most at ECFE is "WHY WON'T MY CHILD EAT?!!!!!" Aside from not sleeping at night, this may be one of the most frustrating issues for parents of young children. If you've ever cooked for a toddler that turns his or her nose up at the meal you've put in front of them, you know this frustration all too well. This may be the eighth wonder of the world...watching a baby that eats everything transform into the toddler that will only eat three things. #1: pizza. #2: mini corndogs. #3: chicken nuggets. The trifecta of childhood nutrition!
What is a caregiver to do when this magical transformation takes place? Aside from rocking in the fetal position in the corner during lunch, there are some considerations that can shed light on the issue of childhood nutrition. While the frustration is real and concerns can arise about how your child will continue to grow on so few calories a day, there are some practical tips that may improve mealtime with your child.
First of all, it may or may not be comforting to know that this is highly typical. As soon as your child is developmentally ready to exercise their free will, they will! With growing independence, your child begins to understand that they can actually say "no" to things! This independence feels good to them and while it may not change what they eat, just knowing this about their development can bring perspective to parents and caregivers. If we enter into mealtime with the knowledge that they will take every opportunity to exercise this freedom, the strategies we try can work WITH them and not against them.
Secondly, children tend to require much less food than we think they need. It's been said that their stomachs are the size of their fists. Stop reading and look at your child's fist right now. If they're five or under, their fist is little. Little enough that a whole hamburger is unlikely to fit inside of it. Again, this is perspective for parents when they wonder if they're offering enough food to their child.
Finally, nutritionists often recommend looking at the child's diet differently than an adults. When tracking what your child eats, it can be helpful to look at several days in a row. It's likely that the child who eats very little one day will make up for it a day or two later. Children tend to be more skilled at listening to their body's cues of hunger and fullness and definitely won't starve themselves.
Knowing all of these things, there are still tips that you can try to make mealtime enjoyable again! Here are some ideas:
For more information and helpful strategies for infants through adolescents, take a look at Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility.
Bon Appétit!
What is a caregiver to do when this magical transformation takes place? Aside from rocking in the fetal position in the corner during lunch, there are some considerations that can shed light on the issue of childhood nutrition. While the frustration is real and concerns can arise about how your child will continue to grow on so few calories a day, there are some practical tips that may improve mealtime with your child.
First of all, it may or may not be comforting to know that this is highly typical. As soon as your child is developmentally ready to exercise their free will, they will! With growing independence, your child begins to understand that they can actually say "no" to things! This independence feels good to them and while it may not change what they eat, just knowing this about their development can bring perspective to parents and caregivers. If we enter into mealtime with the knowledge that they will take every opportunity to exercise this freedom, the strategies we try can work WITH them and not against them.
Secondly, children tend to require much less food than we think they need. It's been said that their stomachs are the size of their fists. Stop reading and look at your child's fist right now. If they're five or under, their fist is little. Little enough that a whole hamburger is unlikely to fit inside of it. Again, this is perspective for parents when they wonder if they're offering enough food to their child.
Finally, nutritionists often recommend looking at the child's diet differently than an adults. When tracking what your child eats, it can be helpful to look at several days in a row. It's likely that the child who eats very little one day will make up for it a day or two later. Children tend to be more skilled at listening to their body's cues of hunger and fullness and definitely won't starve themselves.
Knowing all of these things, there are still tips that you can try to make mealtime enjoyable again! Here are some ideas:
- Hungry children tend to be more willing to try new things and eat what you've prepared for them. When offering something new, consider giving it to your child at the beginning of the meal when they're at their hungriest.
- If your child is over 12 months, you may want to offer food before liquids. Little tummies can fill up on milk or breast milk and this will decrease hunger. Simply moving the liquid portion of the meal to the end may help build the child's desire to eat food.
- Snacks can be a great supplement to your child's diet, but make sure that snacks are small and not too close to mealtime. Keeping snacks healthy and low in sugar is important.
- Offer choices! Remember how we talked about your child's growing independence? Giving them a choice can nearly eliminate the struggle over food for that reason. Rather than asking IF they want green beans, think about saying something like "would you like green beans or cooked carrots?" In that situation, you're both happy! Your child gets to choose and you're fulfilling their need for veggies. That's a win-win.
- When at all possible, eat with your child and prepare the same food for them that you enjoy. This will prevent you from becoming a short order cook and your child will feel proud that you're enjoying the same meal together. Positive peer pressure can work in your favor, and the interaction time will be fun for both of you.
- If your child refuses to eat, try not to engage in the battle. Cover the food, put it in the refrigerator, and offer it again later. Work with their hunger cues and give them the same plate of food when they become ready to eat.
- Keep portion sizes reasonable for your little one and offer a large variety of foods. It can take 20 (or more) different exposures before your child will readily eat something new. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Keep trying!
- Speak with your pediatrician about strategies that can assist your unique child. Your doctor will be able to look at your child's growth curve to see if there are any areas of concern and direct you accordingly. If nothing else, reassurance that you're on the right path may set your mind at ease.
For more information and helpful strategies for infants through adolescents, take a look at Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility.
Bon Appétit!
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
Time to be vulnerable...grab a tissue!
You've already heard it a thousand times. "Enjoy that sweet baby because they grow up so fast." And let's be honest...you likely smile or nod and then silently gag. You may be tired of hearing it because your days are long. Very long. You've likely already had a pot of coffee, watched seventeen episodes of Daniel Tiger, endured 3 meltdowns about what's being offered for breakfast, and it's only 6 am. I get it. I was there. The adage that the days are long but the years are short definitely applies here.
So you have this sweet baby and at first, you're in a fog. What in the world am I going to do with this child? What have I gotten myself into? What have I gotten him/her into? How will I know what he or she needs? In order to answer this question, you pour over blogs, magazine articles, social media, and books. You come to classes like ECFE to connect with other parents that help guide you and resource-sharing teachers that cuddle your baby so you can gulp down your cold cup of coffee. You watch videos and you start to feel confident. "I've got this! We're in a nice routine now!"
Then that little one steps foot on the kindergarten school bus and you wonder how five years have already passed. You dry your tears, call your friends, and connect on how hard it is to begin the process of letting go. Even though you secretly like to go to the grocery store alone, you still have a nagging knot in your stomach that your baby is growing up. That's when the days begin to blend into years and the years go by far more quickly than you're ready for. Soon enough you're helping them through middle school and you realize why you didn't like middle school the first time around. They may have challenges with friends, school work gets harder, and each day they remind you that all they want is to be independent (and for you not to embarrass them in front of their friends).
And just like that, you're watching them register for high school, try out for team sports, develop a new skill like debate (like they really need to "develop" it...they've been debating since they could speak), and bloom into this young adult that you didn't know existed. You don't really embarrass them as much anymore and you start to get hugs from someone that's suddenly taller than you. When did THAT happen? You tease them about how you changed their diaper, longing for the days when a dirty diaper was their biggest problem. It starts to sink in that you cannot stop time, though you wish you could, and you become proud of the work that you and your village have done to pour into the life of this young person. And you're proud of them, too. Because they are amazing. They are a gift. Your baby.
Now this crazy blogger lady is misty-eyed because in just a few short months, her baby will graduate from high school. She doesn't know where the time has gone. Some days she wishes she could stop it, but most days she's excited to see where this young man will go. The inventor of the word "bittersweet" was most certainly a mom watching her child grow and change and spread their wings to fly.
So hold that child of yours tightly. Smell them while they still have that baby smell. Never regret setting aside your dirty toilet for a conversation with your kiddo. And smile with pride every step of the way, because each moment as their parent is a gift...even the hard moments. If you are a young parent, hold on tightly for the very best ride of your life!
Crazy blogger lady's boy:
So you have this sweet baby and at first, you're in a fog. What in the world am I going to do with this child? What have I gotten myself into? What have I gotten him/her into? How will I know what he or she needs? In order to answer this question, you pour over blogs, magazine articles, social media, and books. You come to classes like ECFE to connect with other parents that help guide you and resource-sharing teachers that cuddle your baby so you can gulp down your cold cup of coffee. You watch videos and you start to feel confident. "I've got this! We're in a nice routine now!"
Then that little one steps foot on the kindergarten school bus and you wonder how five years have already passed. You dry your tears, call your friends, and connect on how hard it is to begin the process of letting go. Even though you secretly like to go to the grocery store alone, you still have a nagging knot in your stomach that your baby is growing up. That's when the days begin to blend into years and the years go by far more quickly than you're ready for. Soon enough you're helping them through middle school and you realize why you didn't like middle school the first time around. They may have challenges with friends, school work gets harder, and each day they remind you that all they want is to be independent (and for you not to embarrass them in front of their friends).
And just like that, you're watching them register for high school, try out for team sports, develop a new skill like debate (like they really need to "develop" it...they've been debating since they could speak), and bloom into this young adult that you didn't know existed. You don't really embarrass them as much anymore and you start to get hugs from someone that's suddenly taller than you. When did THAT happen? You tease them about how you changed their diaper, longing for the days when a dirty diaper was their biggest problem. It starts to sink in that you cannot stop time, though you wish you could, and you become proud of the work that you and your village have done to pour into the life of this young person. And you're proud of them, too. Because they are amazing. They are a gift. Your baby.
Now this crazy blogger lady is misty-eyed because in just a few short months, her baby will graduate from high school. She doesn't know where the time has gone. Some days she wishes she could stop it, but most days she's excited to see where this young man will go. The inventor of the word "bittersweet" was most certainly a mom watching her child grow and change and spread their wings to fly.
So hold that child of yours tightly. Smell them while they still have that baby smell. Never regret setting aside your dirty toilet for a conversation with your kiddo. And smile with pride every step of the way, because each moment as their parent is a gift...even the hard moments. If you are a young parent, hold on tightly for the very best ride of your life!
Crazy blogger lady's boy:
18 months
17 years
Monday, January 2, 2017
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: THE AFTERMATH
Let's be honest...you just channeled your inner James Earl Jones voice when you read that title. It's ok. That was the intent. How many of you are swimming in the aftermath of holiday celebrations, travel, family time, and general mayhem? How many of you have children that are not yet back in their routine and they're "reminding" you of that every minute of the day? How many of you are feeling emotions of gladness that it's all over mixed with sadness after saying goodbye? This is a stark, cold, and sometimes depressing time of year. If you are feeling that way, your children may be, too.
January. Blah. It's too cold to go outside, grandma is nowhere in sight to play with your little one, and it's dark at 2:30 in the afternoon. That last one may be a bit of a stretch, but you see my point. We go from houses that are festively lit up with decorations, one fun party after another, and a plethora of family time to a dirty, empty house and long stretches of PBS television. If you're anything like me, you start counting the days until the first sign of spring...which in Minnesota will be sometime in June.
How can you help yourself and your child through these gray days as you get back to "normal"? For starters, it's hard to help someone else when you may be struggling, too. There's an old adage that refers to what to do in the event of an in-flight airplane emergency: "put the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting others". This time of year may be the perfect time to do something just for you. Parents tend to put themselves last on the caregiving list and your child can feel it. Now is a great time to cash in that gift card for a massage, pedicure, or dinner at your favorite restaurant. Don't save it for later! A de-stressing event right after a big celebration is a fantastic self-care idea.
For your child, now is a great time to encourage their routine. As was mentioned in the previous post, children love routine during all times of the year, busy or not. Make naptime or rest time a priority for your child and for you everyday. While your child sleeps, do NOT clean out the closet. Brew a fresh, hot cup of coffee and grab your favorite book. Remember the oxygen mask? (Ok, you can clean out the closet, but only if it helps you feel better and more energized.)
For your little one who may be lonely and missing family from far away, make it a point to talk about those feelings with him or her. You may be thrilled that it's all over, but your child may be missing seeing grandparents regularly, playing with cousins, or just having both parents at home during the day. Help them better understand that feeling in the pit of their stomach. The younger the child, the more they need their parent or caregiver to help them process emotions. It may be helpful for your child to have a scheduled time to FaceTime or Skype with relatives to keep memories fresh. This may also be the perfect opportunity to introduce letter writing! Even if your child doesn't write words yet, out-of-town family would love a special picture to arrive in their mailbox. Why not encourage letter-writing, pen pal fashion, with a grandparent? Think about how excited your child would be to check the mailbox everyday for the reply.
The time may also be right to tackle a project with your child that you've been putting off, such as potty-training or moving into a big kid bed. During long, cold days when you'd rather not go outside anyway, why not help your child learn that new skill? You'll be thrilled not to have to carry a diaper bag to the park once spring finally rolls around!
Finally, some parents and kids function best when they can get out of the house at least once a day. The last thing you may want to do is dress the kiddos up in all of their winter gear, knowing that they'll be "all done" in 5 minutes. Do it anyway. Unless it's 400 below zero, the fresh air from a quick backyard playtime or a walk around the block will do everyone wonders. Additionally, finding a fun indoor activity that will give the family a chance to burn off extra energy is worth considering. Register for an extra ECFE class or check out this Community Education page for some great parent/child events. You can also give the Preschool Open Gym a try. The kids will be so tired out from fun activities that they'll go to bed early. You may even get a minute to watch your favorite James Earl Jones movie. See? Everyone's a winner.
Happy Winter!
January. Blah. It's too cold to go outside, grandma is nowhere in sight to play with your little one, and it's dark at 2:30 in the afternoon. That last one may be a bit of a stretch, but you see my point. We go from houses that are festively lit up with decorations, one fun party after another, and a plethora of family time to a dirty, empty house and long stretches of PBS television. If you're anything like me, you start counting the days until the first sign of spring...which in Minnesota will be sometime in June.
How can you help yourself and your child through these gray days as you get back to "normal"? For starters, it's hard to help someone else when you may be struggling, too. There's an old adage that refers to what to do in the event of an in-flight airplane emergency: "put the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting others". This time of year may be the perfect time to do something just for you. Parents tend to put themselves last on the caregiving list and your child can feel it. Now is a great time to cash in that gift card for a massage, pedicure, or dinner at your favorite restaurant. Don't save it for later! A de-stressing event right after a big celebration is a fantastic self-care idea.
For your child, now is a great time to encourage their routine. As was mentioned in the previous post, children love routine during all times of the year, busy or not. Make naptime or rest time a priority for your child and for you everyday. While your child sleeps, do NOT clean out the closet. Brew a fresh, hot cup of coffee and grab your favorite book. Remember the oxygen mask? (Ok, you can clean out the closet, but only if it helps you feel better and more energized.)
For your little one who may be lonely and missing family from far away, make it a point to talk about those feelings with him or her. You may be thrilled that it's all over, but your child may be missing seeing grandparents regularly, playing with cousins, or just having both parents at home during the day. Help them better understand that feeling in the pit of their stomach. The younger the child, the more they need their parent or caregiver to help them process emotions. It may be helpful for your child to have a scheduled time to FaceTime or Skype with relatives to keep memories fresh. This may also be the perfect opportunity to introduce letter writing! Even if your child doesn't write words yet, out-of-town family would love a special picture to arrive in their mailbox. Why not encourage letter-writing, pen pal fashion, with a grandparent? Think about how excited your child would be to check the mailbox everyday for the reply.
The time may also be right to tackle a project with your child that you've been putting off, such as potty-training or moving into a big kid bed. During long, cold days when you'd rather not go outside anyway, why not help your child learn that new skill? You'll be thrilled not to have to carry a diaper bag to the park once spring finally rolls around!
Finally, some parents and kids function best when they can get out of the house at least once a day. The last thing you may want to do is dress the kiddos up in all of their winter gear, knowing that they'll be "all done" in 5 minutes. Do it anyway. Unless it's 400 below zero, the fresh air from a quick backyard playtime or a walk around the block will do everyone wonders. Additionally, finding a fun indoor activity that will give the family a chance to burn off extra energy is worth considering. Register for an extra ECFE class or check out this Community Education page for some great parent/child events. You can also give the Preschool Open Gym a try. The kids will be so tired out from fun activities that they'll go to bed early. You may even get a minute to watch your favorite James Earl Jones movie. See? Everyone's a winner.
Happy Winter!
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