Are You Helping Your Child Too Much?

"Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed."-Maria Montessori

How often do you find yourself wondering if you're doing too much for your child?  Do you sometimes become frustrated that your little one isn't pitching in enough at home?  Do you feel as though your child may be capable of more than they let on?  If so, you're probably right!  Our intentions as parents are almost always pure and come from a place of love for our children.  We love them and want to help them.  Then suddenly, while picking up the toy room for the thousandth time, we feel bitter. 

The good news is that young children LOVE to feel capable and successful.  They feel good when they accomplish a difficult task and for the most part, they like to help.  At any moment, parents can decide to develop their child's "helper" mentality and this is good for the entire family!  It's been said that the child is a member of the family, not the center of the family.  When families decide to work together and each member has responsibilities, many hands can make light work. 

So now you're scratching your head, wondering what tasks are age appropriate for your little one.  You're in luck!  This blog should give you some ideas and resources for where to start:

Infants:  We all know that babies need a lot of assistance.  Their self-help skills are limited and it's unrealistic that we expect them to start carrying their weight around the house!  That being said, there are some self-help skills that you can encourage your baby to develop as they grow.  For instance, as baby grows, they can begin to participate and take charge of mealtime by feeding themselves, holding a cup or bottle, and sitting up and entertaining themselves through play.  As your child gains these skills, you may begin to see their role as an individual.  As hard as it can be to watch them become increasingly independent of you, you also get an up-close view of their successes.  The more they accomplish, the more capable they feel.  And that's pretty awesome for a parent to see! You can learn more about this here.

Toddlers:  These little bundles of love are usually much more capable than they get credit for!  By the time a child is two or three, they can start to help clean up toys, wash their own hands with some assistance, put clothes in the hamper, and start to learn to use the potty.  Every task may take 10 times as long as you'd like, but the joy you see on your child's face when you're able to praise them for a job well-done is priceless.  It's a good idea to build some extra time into your schedule whenever possible to accommodate your child's desire to "do it myself".

Preschoolers:  The great thing about preschoolers is that communication comes much more easily for them.  They are able to follow two to three step directions, fold easy laundry like socks and washcloths, pick up toys, and dress themselves.  They may love to brush their own teeth, but it's still a good idea for a parent to assist.  They may respond well to setting a timer and getting as many tasks done as they can in five minutes.  They will also love to help bag groceries at the grocery store.  The key to remember is that they may not accomplish the task in the same way that you would, but with gentle guidance, they will learn the tricks of the trade quickly!

If adults can surrender the desire for perfection, children can be cheerful helpers!  Growing a capable mind in your child is a gift to them and to you. 

More resources:

http://www.easternflorida.edu/community-resources/child-development-centers/parent-resource-library/documents/self-help-skills-chores.pdf

http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/documents/teaching_routines.pdf

https://www.verywell.com/preschooler-self-care-skills-2764714

Supporting the "Picky Eater"

One of the things that is overheard most at ECFE is "WHY WON'T MY CHILD EAT?!!!!!"  Aside from not sleeping at night, this may be one of the most frustrating issues for parents of young children.  If you've ever cooked for a toddler that turns his or her nose up at the meal you've put in front of them, you know this frustration all too well.  This may be the eighth wonder of the world...watching a baby that eats everything transform into the toddler that will only eat three things.  #1:  pizza.  #2:  mini corndogs.  #3:  chicken nuggets.  The trifecta of childhood nutrition!

What is a caregiver to do when this magical transformation takes place?  Aside from rocking in the fetal position in the corner during lunch, there are some considerations that can shed light on the issue of childhood nutrition.  While the frustration is real and concerns can arise about how your child will continue to grow on so few calories a day, there are some practical tips that may improve mealtime with your child.

First of all, it may or may not be comforting to know that this is highly typical.  As soon as your child is developmentally ready to exercise their free will, they will!  With growing independence, your child begins to understand that they can actually say "no" to things!  This independence feels good to them and while it may not change what they eat, just knowing this about their development can bring perspective to parents and caregivers.  If we enter into mealtime with the knowledge that they will take every opportunity to exercise this freedom, the strategies we try can work WITH them and not against them. 

Secondly, children tend to require much less food than we think they need.  It's been said that their stomachs are the size of their fists.  Stop reading and look at your child's fist right now.  If they're five or under, their fist is little.  Little enough that a whole hamburger is unlikely to fit inside of it.  Again, this is perspective for parents when they wonder if they're offering enough food to their child.

Finally, nutritionists often recommend looking at the child's diet differently than an adults.  When tracking what your child eats, it can be helpful to look at several days in a row.  It's likely that the child who eats very little one day will make up for it a day or two later.  Children tend to be more skilled at listening to their body's cues of hunger and fullness and definitely won't starve themselves.

Knowing all of these things, there are still tips that you can try to make mealtime enjoyable again!  Here are some ideas:

• Hungry children tend to be more willing to try new things and eat what you've prepared for them.  When offering something new, consider giving it to your child at the beginning of the meal when they're at their hungriest.
• If your child is over 12 months, you may want to offer food before liquids.  Little tummies can fill up on milk or breast milk and this will decrease hunger.  Simply moving the liquid portion of the meal to the end may help build the child's desire to eat food.
• Snacks can be a great supplement to your child's diet, but make sure that snacks are small and not too close to mealtime.  Keeping snacks healthy and low in sugar is important.
• Offer choices!  Remember how we talked about your child's growing independence?  Giving them a choice can nearly eliminate the struggle over food for that reason.  Rather than asking IF they want green beans, think about saying something like "would you like green beans or cooked carrots?"  In that situation, you're both happy!  Your child gets to choose and you're fulfilling their need for veggies.  That's a win-win.
• When at all possible, eat with your child and prepare the same food for them that you enjoy.  This will prevent you from becoming a short order cook and your child will feel proud that you're enjoying the same meal together.  Positive peer pressure can work in your favor, and the interaction time will be fun for both of you.
• If your child refuses to eat, try not to engage in the battle.  Cover the food, put it in the refrigerator, and offer it again later.  Work with their hunger cues and give them the same plate of food when they become ready to eat.
• Keep portion sizes reasonable for your little one and offer a large variety of foods.  It can take 20 (or more) different exposures before your child will readily eat something new.  This is a marathon, not a sprint.  Keep trying! 
• Speak with your pediatrician about strategies that can assist your unique child.  Your doctor will be able to look at your child's growth curve to see if there are any areas of concern and direct you accordingly.  If nothing else, reassurance that you're on the right path may set your mind at ease.

Family mealtime can be one of the best times to connect with your child.  It brings opportunities for language, modeling healthy eating, and togetherness.  Give some of these tips a try and let us know how it goes!

For more information and helpful strategies for infants through adolescents, take a look at Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility. 

Bon Appétit!

Time to be vulnerable...grab a tissue!

You've already heard it a thousand times.  "Enjoy that sweet baby because they grow up so fast."  And let's be honest...you likely smile or nod and then silently gag.  You may be tired of hearing it because your days are long.  Very long.  You've likely already had a pot of coffee, watched seventeen episodes of Daniel Tiger, endured 3 meltdowns about what's being offered for breakfast, and it's only 6 am.  I get it.  I was there.  The adage that the days are long but the years are short definitely applies here.

So you have this sweet baby and at first, you're in a fog.  What in the world am I going to do with this child?  What have I gotten myself into?  What have I gotten him/her into?  How will I know what he or she needs?  In order to answer this question, you pour over blogs, magazine articles, social media, and books.  You come to classes like ECFE to connect with other parents that help guide you and resource-sharing teachers that cuddle your baby so you can gulp down your cold cup of coffee.  You watch videos and you start to feel confident.  "I've got this!  We're in a nice routine now!"

Then that little one steps foot on the kindergarten school bus and you wonder how five years have already passed.  You dry your tears, call your friends, and connect on how hard it is to begin the process of letting go.  Even though you secretly like to go to the grocery store alone, you still have a nagging knot in your stomach that your baby is growing up.  That's when the days begin to blend into years and the years go by far more quickly than you're ready for.  Soon enough you're helping them through middle school and you realize why you didn't like middle school the first time around.  They may have challenges with friends, school work gets harder, and each day they remind you that all they want is to be independent (and for you not to embarrass them in front of their friends).

And just like that,  you're watching them register for high school, try out for team sports, develop a new skill like debate (like they really need to "develop" it...they've been debating since they could speak), and bloom into this young adult that you didn't know existed.  You don't really embarrass them as much anymore and you start to get hugs from someone that's suddenly taller than you.  When did THAT happen?  You tease them about how you changed their diaper, longing for the days when a dirty diaper was their biggest problem.  It starts to sink in that you cannot stop time, though you wish you could, and you become proud of the work that you and your village have done to pour into the life of this young person.  And you're proud of them, too.  Because they are amazing.  They are a gift.  Your baby. 

Now this crazy blogger lady is misty-eyed because in just a few short months, her baby will graduate from high school.  She doesn't know where the time has gone.  Some days she wishes she could stop it, but most days she's excited to see where this young man will go.  The inventor of the word "bittersweet" was most certainly a mom watching her child grow and change and spread their wings to fly.

So hold that child of yours tightly.  Smell them while they still have that baby smell.  Never regret setting aside your dirty toilet for a conversation with your kiddo.  And smile with pride every step of the way, because each moment as their parent is a gift...even the hard moments.  If you are a young parent, hold on tightly for the very best ride of your life!

Crazy blogger lady's boy:

18 months

17 years

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: THE AFTERMATH

Let's be honest...you just channeled your inner James Earl Jones voice when you read that title.  It's ok.  That was the intent.  How many of you are swimming in the aftermath of holiday celebrations, travel, family time, and general mayhem?  How many of you have children that are not yet back in their routine and they're "reminding" you of that every minute of the day?  How many of you are feeling emotions of gladness that it's all over mixed with sadness after saying goodbye?  This is a stark, cold, and sometimes depressing time of year.  If you are feeling that way, your children may be, too. 

January.  Blah.  It's too cold to go outside, grandma is nowhere in sight to play with your little one, and it's dark at 2:30 in the afternoon.  That last one may be a bit of a stretch, but you see my point.  We go from houses that are festively lit up with decorations, one fun party after another, and a plethora of family time to a dirty, empty house and long stretches of PBS television.  If you're anything like me, you start counting the days until the first sign of spring...which in Minnesota will be sometime in June. 

How can you help yourself and your child through these gray days as you get back to "normal"?  For starters, it's hard to help someone else when you may be struggling, too.  There's an old adage that refers to what to do in the event of an in-flight airplane emergency:  "put the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting others".  This time of year may be the perfect time to do something just for you.  Parents tend to put themselves last on the caregiving list and your child can feel it.  Now is a great time to cash in that gift card for a massage, pedicure, or dinner at your favorite restaurant.  Don't save it for later!  A de-stressing event right after a big celebration is a fantastic self-care idea.

For your child, now is a great time to encourage their routine.  As was mentioned in the previous post, children love routine during all times of the year, busy or not.  Make naptime or rest time a priority for your child and for you everyday.  While your child sleeps, do NOT clean out the closet.  Brew a fresh, hot cup of coffee and grab your favorite book.  Remember the oxygen mask?  (Ok, you can clean out the closet, but only if it helps you feel better and more energized.) 

For your little one who may be lonely and missing family from far away, make it a point to talk about those feelings with him or her.  You may be thrilled that it's all over, but your child may be missing seeing grandparents regularly, playing with cousins, or just having both parents at home during the day.  Help them better understand that feeling in the pit of their stomach.  The younger the child, the more they need their parent or caregiver to help them process emotions.  It may be helpful for your child to have a scheduled time to FaceTime or Skype with relatives to keep memories fresh.  This may also be the perfect opportunity to introduce letter writing!  Even if your child doesn't write words yet, out-of-town family would love a special picture to arrive in their mailbox.  Why not encourage letter-writing, pen pal fashion, with a grandparent?  Think about how excited your child would be to check the mailbox everyday for the reply.

The time may also be right to tackle a project with your child that you've been putting off, such as potty-training or moving into a big kid bed.  During long, cold days when you'd rather not go outside anyway, why not help your child learn that new skill?  You'll be thrilled not to have to carry a diaper bag to the park once spring finally rolls around!

Finally, some parents and kids function best when they can get out of the house at least once a day.  The last thing you may want to do is dress the kiddos up in all of their winter gear, knowing that they'll be "all done" in 5 minutes.  Do it anyway.  Unless it's 400 below zero, the fresh air from a quick backyard playtime or a walk around the block will do everyone wonders.  Additionally, finding a fun indoor activity that will give the family a chance to burn off extra energy is worth considering.  Register for an extra ECFE class or check out this Community Education page for some great parent/child events.  You can also give the  Preschool Open Gym a try.  The kids will be so tired out from fun activities that they'll go to bed early.  You may even get a minute to watch your favorite James Earl Jones movie.  See?  Everyone's a winner. 

Happy Winter!

Surviving the Holidays...Bah hum bug?

Let me set the stage for you:  Your family arrives at grandma's house for the big holiday celebration.  Dinner is being served at 1:30 pm (right during your little one's naptime and 90 minutes after their usually scheduled lunch).  You already have a bad feeling about the whole entire thing.  Your family is dressed in their holiday best and ready to celebrate with 50 of your closest relatives.  As you wait for the food preparation to be complete, Junior begins rubbing his eyes and fussing.  You know he's hungry and sleepy.  Dinner is still 30 minutes away!  You're starting to realize that a nuclear meltdown is imminent and you're looking for a place to hide, preferably under the table and in the fetal position...

Happy Holidays?!!  Sometimes (READ:  most of the time), this time of year is hard on families of small children.  If you've attended any ECFE classes, you've likely learned that your child's routine is your friend.  Your very best friend.  Children thrive on predictability.  They feel safest when they know what is coming next and what to expect from those around them.  They feel the best physically when they are getting adequate sleep at night and for naps during the day.  When a child is hungry, it's difficult for them to focus on anything else (whereas adults can stave off hunger if they know they're about to feast).  New surroundings can send some children into a bit of a tailspin, and unfamiliar people, even relatives, may make your child feel uncomfortable (think about that long lost great aunt that wants to smooch the cute baby's face...).

So, what can you do to make this time of year easier for your family?  There are strategies that may ease the pain of your child's change in routine.  While you may not be able to control all aspects of your child's schedule, you may be able to try some things that make life a little bit easier for your child and for you:

• Check with the host/hostess to see if you can plan meal time during the part of the day that makes the most sense for the children attending the party.  Some parents may prefer to feed their children ahead of time and then have the adults eat during naptime so that they can enjoy an adults' only meal.  Other families may want everyone together at mealtime, so eating at a time when children are hungry and ready to eat may work best.
• As much as possible, stick to your child's sleep schedule.  If you can create a cozy nap environment in someone else's house, your child can sneak away and get the rest that he or she is accustomed to during the day.  Sound machines or fans work magic in noisy houses.  If you can get home by bedtime in the evening, your child will feel better and you may get a few evening hours to finish wrapping or to enjoy a movie with your significant other.
• Limit the amount of together time.  Some children are overwhelmed by extended time with family and friends.  If you can honor their need for alone time by building it in to a busy schedule, your child may be more ready to face friendly faces the next day.
• SNACKS!  Having a bag of child-friendly snacks at the ready is great in a pinch when the turkey isn't quite finished cooking yet.  Think high-protein, energy-producing snacks.
• ACTIVITIES!  While you're packing the snack bag, throw in some toys, books, and activities that will interest your little one, especially if you're going to a house where children don't live.  That long lost great aunt will love nothing more than to read to your child while you connect with relatives.
• While suits, ties, and dresses, are SUPER adorable on small children, consider throwing a pair of jammies or comfortable clothes in your bag that they can change into.  You know how you feel after eating a big meal and your clothes become uncomfortable?  Your child feels the same way.
• For children over two, letting them in on the plan so they know what to expect can help them feel ready.  Even allowing them to help choose what to take along can help them have some control over their time. 
• Bring along any transitional objects that help your child feel safe.  Blankets, stuffed animals, pacifiers, etc. help them feel like they're at home.  It is also how your child self-soothes.  Giving them the tools they need to feel good is a gift to them and to you.
• Try not to work on big life events at the same time as a holiday (like starting potty training).  Putting too much on your plate for an already busy time of year may be a recipe for disaster.

As you all know, controlling every outcome for your child is impossible.  Hopefully, though, the above tips will relieve some pressure so you can enjoy this festive time of year.  Coming together with family and friends is a wonderful experience for your children.  If you are prepared to help them navigate these busy times, the holiday experience will be wonderful for you, too.  At the very least, it may keep you out of the fetal position.

For another great blog from author Mary Sheedy Kurcinka titled "Extrovert and Introverts:  Holiday Cheer", click here.

Next up in January:  Coming down off of the holidays and a Guest Blogger!

From all of us at ECFE, we wish you a safe and happy holiday season!

LEAP Together!

Through a partnership with ACCESS (an English Learner Program in South Washington County Schools), Community Education has brought back an exciting program for families!  LEAP is an acronym for Literacy Education And Parenting and combines the amazing language learning services of ACCESS with Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE).  Through this program, adults have the opportunity to benefit from two hours of classroom time including language learning and parent education.  So far, it's been a great success!

While parents are in their own classroom, their children spend time with a licensed early childhood educator and highly trained paraprofessionals.  They do fun classroom projects, valuable child-directed play, fun activities geared toward children from birth to five years of age, and enjoy time in the large motor room.  Some of our littlest learners take a nap, too!  After the parents return from their time of education and connecting, they have parent-child interaction time in the early childhood classroom, playing and learning with their children.

Other benefits of this program include transportation provided by the school district four afternoons per week to our Central Park location.  Classes run every afternoon, Monday through Thursday, from 1:15 to 3:45 pm so that parents can take advantage of afternoon preschool programming onsite if they so desire.  The feedback has been wonderful and we are thrilled to be meeting the needs of our local population. 

We all know that being a parent is challenging.  Imagine navigating the school and community environment with limited language skills!  In the LEAP program, parents and their children don't need to feel alone.  They have the care and support from educators and other parents in the same spot, even if they don't share the same language (there are TEN languages represented in this class)!  We are proud of this new and improved program.

Click here to view our winter/spring catalog for class registration and more information.  And if you'd like to get involved as a volunteer, more information can be found here!  Thanks in advance for supporting these families as they LEAP Together!



PLAY TIME!

 

WORKING HARD IN PARENTING

 

THE WHOLE GROUP

 

SNUGGLING WITH MS. CATIE

THANK YOU IN ALL CLASS LANGUAGES!!!

Sneak Peek: Online Parent Education

Many of you are anxiously awaiting our ECFE second semester catalog of classes!  Today we're giving you a sneak peek into a brand new class beginning in January, 2017.  Whether we like it or not, technology is here to stay.  Everyday, more and more daily tasks are streamlined into an online format...banking, shopping, reading the newspaper, and all types of education.  There are online K-12 schools, online higher education schools, and now there is ONLINE PARENT EDUCATION!  For the first time in our Early Childhood history in South Washington County, we are offering two online sessions for parents and if it goes well, you will see more in our catalogs next year.

Our topic will be temperament.  This course will allow you to gain an in-depth understanding of what temperament is and how to use specific strategies that grow your relationship with your unique child.  Whether he or she is flexible, cautious, or spirited, you should walk away with a new appreciation for their temperament style.  We will also examine the idea of "goodness of fit"...how your temperament meshes with your child's temperament.  Are there fireworks between you and your kiddo?  Maybe you're a lot alike.  Do you have a hard time understanding why your child acts like they do?  Maybe you're not alike at all.  There may be some strategies that you haven't tried that will make a big difference in your parenting.

In this online format, you will participate in a "chat" once per week for 45 minutes with a licensed parent educator.  The class is six weeks long.  There will be additional resources available online that will lead you to research, light articles, and videos that offer additional insight.  The beauty of this format is that the learner can go as deeply as they desire in any of the concepts throughout each week.  You will also gain a group of classmates that are looking to learn the same way you are and will offer a new perspective during chats and weekly discussion.  Finally, you will have your choice of lunch time parent education (perfect for a lunch break at work) or bedtime parent education (after the kids are tucked into bed at night).  The best part about this new format is that we can reach parents that may not otherwise have access to parent education and the class will be available 24 hours a day.

If you are looking for a new, relevant, and innovative approach to parent education, be on the lookout for more information about our online classes in our next catalog.  It's coming soon and will be posted here as soon as it hits the website.  Hope to "see" you there!